#makoto tachibana

ann-the-shut-in:

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read my fanfic.

I was inspired to write this fanfic when I was watching the music video of Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch. So the story may have nothing to do with the lyrics of the song. I just wanted the fanfic to have the feel of song and the video.

---

Getting up from bed as quietly as he can, Makoto sat up and looked back at Haru as he slept. He kissed the top of Haru’s head before slowly standing up. He raised the blanket up to Haru’s chin and quietly padded towards the closet, changing from his sleepwear to a t-shirt, flannel shirt, and jeans. He then when towards their guestroom and took the backpack and duffel bag he has been hiding under the bed.

Makoto went to the kitchen and placed the note that he wrote a few days back on the refrigerator door. He also took the container with onigiri from the fridge and placed it inside the duffel bag. Afterwards, he removed the apartment’s keys from his key ring and placed it on top of the kitchen counter.

Quietly, he turned the knob of the front door and stepped outside, closing the door slowly and gave the knob a few turns to make sure it was locked. It was still dark and foggy outside, and it seemed that the cold chill of the morning seeped through his clothes and into his bones. He checked his wristwatch for the time. ‘4:15AM, I still have time,’ Makoto thought to himself as he walked in the street, away from the apartment he and Haru shared for 6 years.

Walking towards the corner, he saw Sousuke leaning against his car with his hands on his pockets and with his head lowered, drawing invisible circles on the pavement with the tips of his shoes. True to his word, Sousuke waited for him.

“Sousuke,” Makoto called softly.

Sousuke quickly looked towards his direction and smiled, breathing a sigh of relief. “You came.”

Makoto just smiled and shrugged, raising his arm a bit to show his duffel bag.

Sousuke took the duffel bag from Makoto and placed it in the trunk. Before he could shut it close, Makoto stopped him and took the container from the bag. After making sure that the trunk was locked. Sousuke then went in the car and sat on the driver’s seat and started the engine. Makoto followed and sat on passenger seat and placed his backpack on the backseat, placing the container and his phone on the dashboard.

With his hands on the steering wheel, Sousuke looked at Makoto and asked, “There’s no turning back now. Are you sure?”

Without uttering a word, Makoto nervously smiled and nodded a little too vigorously.

“Let’s go,” Sousuke said before stepping on the gas.

---

Feeling as if ice cold fingers wrapped around his heart, Makoto stared at the white envelop Sousuke slid in front of him while they were in a restaurant. Through the open flap, he can tell that it contained a bunch of pictures, and he already has an idea of who were in it. He had his suspicions, but he never sought the truth to simply avoid the pain.

He studied Sousuke’s face from across the table. His eyes were swollen and his lips were puffy. He also noticed how Sousuke kept on squeezing his hands together. He wondered how Sousuke tried to maintain his composure despite how he felt.

He took the bundle of images from the envelop and looked at each one of them.

The first picture was of Rin and Haru sitting across each other at a coffee shop.

The second picture was of Rin and Haru hailing a cab.

The third picture was of Rin and Haru’s cab entering a drive-in love motel.

The fourth picture was of Rin and Haru in a cab leaving the love motel.

He looked the next batch of images. It was the same. Different outfits, meeting place, love motels, but the same people and routine.

“You don’t look surprised,” Sousuke asked while his eyes roamed all over his face, as if studying him.

It was true, Makoto was no longer surprised as he had seen indicators of what was going on; a shirt under the bed that neither he nor Haru owned, phone calls being answered in the bathroom and in hushed voices, laptop being slammed shut whenever he walks in the room. However, all he did was to turn a blind eye to it every single time.

“When did you start suspecting?” Makoto asked Sousuke.

“When he would go outside the apartment just to answer a call. He also started choosing days off that were different from mine. We barely saw each other anymore even though we live together. I decided to follow him one day, and that’s how I got those. I followed him more than once, and I found the same thing. Same shit, different day,” Sousuke laughed without humor.

Makoto felt that he was somehow prepared for it, Sousuke clearly was not. Though Sousuke avoids looking at him, he could see the tears clouding his beautiful teal eyes. Makoto’s heart ached; Sousuke doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. Without thinking, Makoto reached out from across the table and held Sousuke’s hands between his. Sousuke looked at him then his chin quivered, finally allowing the tears to fall from his eyes.

---

The sound of Sousuke’s stomach growling cut through Makoto’s thoughts.

“You have to eat, I’m sure you haven’t had breakfast yet.”

“I can’t, I’m driving.”

“I brought onigiri, I made them myself,” Makoto said as he took out one of the onigiri from the container. He brought it close to Sousuke’s mouth and saw how Sousuke blushed before biting in to the onigiri.

“Why are you being shy now?” Makoto asked with a laugh.

“I don’t know…It’s just that…you and me….it now feels real, you know? Like, I can finally say that you’re mine. You know what I mean?“

Makoto smiled and nodded, then asked, “Is it a good thing?” He opened a bottle of water and slipped a straw in it, bringing the tip of the straw close Sousuke’s lips.

“It’s the best,” Sousuke said with a grin before sipping some water.

---

In the little bubble that they were in, Makoto wanted to forget about the world outside and the problems it brought about, and give himself to Sousuke.  While on his hands and knees, he greedily took in whatever pleasure was given to him as Sousuke relentlessly slammed their hips together. Makoto bit the pillow in his attempt to stifle his moans

Sousuke leaned forward and pressed his chest against Makoto’s back. “Makoto, I want to hear you,” Sousuke purred before licking the shell of Makoto’s ear. All he could do was helplessly moan Sousuke’s name.

Makoto can feel how Sousuke’s hips lost its rhythm as he neared completion, then felt his movement become erratic as he reached his peak before leaning his whole weight against him, panting heavily. Sousuke reached underneath to wrap his hands around Makoto’s length, stroking it until he was pushed to the edge. White hot pleasure overcame him as he spilled his come on the sheets. He fell forward and Sousuke rolled off of him. They were lying on their backs beside each other, their hearts pounding wildly in their chest.

They lied quietly still until Sousuke broke the silence. “We…we’re no different from them.”

“No we’re not,” Makoto protested, his voice laced with indignation.

Sousuke turned to his side to face him. “What are we doing Makoto? What are we doing to ourselves? Revenge isn’t going to solve our problem.”

Makoto sat on the edge of the bed, his back turned to Sousuke. “Revenge? Is that why you think I’m doing this?” Makoto spat as if the words were poison in his mouth.

“I don’t know, Makoto. Why are you doing this? Tell me.” Sousuke asked his voice rising at the last word.

“Because I want to feel something again! I want to remember how good it feels when someone wants you!” Makoto said as he clutched the bed sheet tighter. “I see them… I see the kiss marks and bite marks all over his body and the scratches on his back. I even find condoms in the back pocket of his jeans. He doesn’t even bother to hide them anymore. You know what’s funny about that? We haven’t even had sex for 2 years! He’s either too tired or not in the mood, at least that was his excuse.  Tell me; is it wrong for me to want to feel good?”

Feeling the weight of the bed shift and hearing the sheets rustling, Makoto closed his eyes and waited for what Sousuke’s next move would be. Would he leave? Was he now disgusted to know the truth about the man he’s been with for weeks? What he felt next was a surprise to him; his waist was enclosed by solid arms from behind. Soft kisses were laid on his shoulders, it was Sousuke’s way of calming and assuring him.

Makoto let his head fall back on Sousuke’s shoulder and looked up at the ceiling, his tears flowed freely from his temples. He leaned into Sousuke’s embrace, his arms hung listlessly at his side. “I’m so tired of all the lies, Sousuke. Haru keeps on lying to me, and it kills me every single day. What’s even worse is that I’m lying to him by acting as if I believe him, and I’m lying to myself by endlessly telling myself that I’ll be fine, but I’m not.”

Sousuke did not respond, he only held Makoto tighter.

---

Makoto woke up, unable to remember when he first fell asleep. He sat straight and saw the view that passed by, and then he remembers where he was and why he was there. He looked at Sousuke and watched him driving, never looking away from the road. Sousuke must have seen his movements as he threw him a quick glance and a smile.

“Are we there yet?” Makoto asked as he rubbed sleep from his eyes.

“No, not yet, go back to sleep. You need to rest.”

“Aren’t you sleepy?”

“No, I just had an energy drink,” Sousuke said as he pointed to the empty can on the cup holder.

“Just let me know when you start to feel sleepy, ok?” Makoto said before opening the car window. He smiled as the cool morning wind blew through his hair and cooled his skin. It was as if the wind was blowing all of the pain that had seethed through his skin for years and accumulated within him, making him feel lighter and at peace.

Unbeknownst to him, Sousuke would watch him from time to time through the side mirror, his heart soaring upon seeing the serene, content expression on Makoto.

---

“When are you leaving?” Makoto asked Sousuke. He can feel more and more cracks form in his heart every time it beats. He knew it was a mistake to find comfort in someone who was just as broken as he was. Who was he fooling when he thought he was helping a friend by always being with Sousuke? It was a mistake, a selfish, thoughtless mistake. What he hated to admit was that his biggest mistake was allowing himself to fall for Sousuke.

“Next month, I’m being reassigned to Saitama,” Sousuke said while tearing a tissue to shreds from across the table. “I want to leave this place.”

‘Ah, he must be getting tired,” Makoto thought. “I see. Does Rin know?”

“No, I’d rather he find out when I’m already gone.”

Then, there’s nothing more to talk about. “I see… Good luck with your new assignment. Just keep in touch, ok?” Makoto said as he got ready to leave the coffee shop.

Before he could stand, Sousuke grabbed his forearm to keep him from standing and leaving.

“Makoto, wait,” Sousuke said. “I want you to come with me.”

He sat still, dumbfounded. It took him a few minutes before he was able to speak. “Are you asking me to run away with you?” Makoto asked with confusion.

“I know we were brought together by the worst circumstance, but I fell for you. I told myself that I should stop, but I can’t help it. I just want to make you happy. You deserve better, and I can give you that.”

Makoto was speechless, and Sousuke took the chance to continue. “You can find a new job to where I’ll be transferring to. I asked around and there is a kindergarten nearby, and they need help. I already have a house to move in to, so you don’t have to worry about that. It’s small, but it’ll be enough for the two of us.”

Sousuke pulled his hand and kissed his knuckle. "I don’t expect you to answer immediately, but I’ll wait. If I leave this city, there’s no turning back for me. That’s why I want to take you with me.”

---

Makoto keeps his eyes on the road while driving. The sun was now high in the sky so it was his turn to drive. He stole quick glances at Sousuke’s sleeping face, smiling at how calm and adorable he looked. Sousuke was curled up in the passenger seat, using his own jacket as a blanket and Makoto’s flannel shirt as a pillow. He caught a glimpse of the light on his phone as the same person called him over and over again.

Haru

Makoto felt his chest tighten but kept his eyes on the road. He better look out for a convenience store since he needs more coffee, and Sousuke may want some snacks.

---

Makoto received a text message from Sousuke a couple of days before the day he was set to leave.

[Sousuke: I’ll park my car in the corner by your apartment at 4:00AM on Saturday. I’ll wait for you until 4:30AM. I’ll respect whatever decision you make. But I really hope you’d come with me.]

Makoto had already filed his 2 weeks’ notice at work, and Friday was his last day, as he no longer wishes to stay in Tokyo. He has been thinking for a couple of days of a plan. He wanted to leave, but what should he do?

He wants to leave the city with Haru, start a new life without Rin and Sousuke anywhere near them. Maybe they could start over and leave everything behind them. Yet he also wants to just go with Sousuke, and for once, allow himself to be taken care of and have a fresh start. For days, he had been praying for a sign, something that would tell him whom he should choose and what he should do.

“Haru, I’ve been thinking, maybe we could go on a long vacation? You know, just the two of us? We haven’t gone somewhere for a long time,” Makoto said as he watched Haru walk into their bedroom.

“I’ll think about it, you know how busy I am with training,” Haru said before taking his shirt off.

Makoto then saw it; a bright red bite mark just behind Haru’s ear.

Makoto’s grip on his phone tightened.

---

Haru’s tears flowed down his cheeks after he read the note on the refrigerator. Initially, he thought it was a joke, a cruel joke Makoto thought of to show them that he knows more than what he lets on. But reality came crashing down on him when he saw Makoto’s key to the apartment on the kitchen counter.

Makoto’s gone.

He was planning to end everything with Rin. He was going tell the truth and apologize to Makoto for deceiving him for so long. He was going to agree to the vacation that Makoto mentioned a few days ago. He wanted them to start over again.

But he was too late.

Haru’s strength gave out and he fell on his knees on the kitchen floor. He read the letter on his hands again, hoping that he may have missed something, something that would say that Makoto would come back to him.

Haru,

You’re now free to love Rin, as I am letting you go. Take care of him, and make sure that he takes care of you. Don’t stay in the bathtub too long so you wouldn’t catch a cold, especially during winter. Don’t limit your diet to mackerel; you need to eat more vegetables.

I need time to heal my wounds, and I’m sure you would too, so it may take some time before we see each other again. I love you, Haru-chan. Goodbye.

Makoto

Haru heard his phone ring from the bedroom, and he ran quickly to answer it, hoping that it was a call from Makoto. He picked up the phone and was surprised to see Rin’s name on display.

"Hello?” Haru answered, but Rin didn’t reply immediately. All Haru could hear from the other end of the line were the sounds of sobs and sniffle.

“Rin?”

“S-Sousuke, he’s…He’s gone. He left me Haru! Sousuke left me!” Rin managed to say before sobbing loudly.

---

Makoto looked at the address on the paper in his hand and the house they were in front of. “Sousuke, I think we’re here.”

Sousuke yawned and straightened from the passenger seat. “Huh?”

“Is this it? Did I get the address right?”

“It is. Come on, let’s check the house.”

After taking their bags from the car and carrying it into their new house, Makoto roamed around the house. It was small and minimally furnished. It suited him and Sousuke just right. As he walked around, he saw a glas sliding door facing a garden. He opened the door and smelled the air. For once in a very long time, his felt as if the weight he has been carrying in his heart no longer wore him down. Finally, he felt free.

Sousuke hugged Makoto from behind. “Do you like the place?”

Makoto leaned against the hug and sighed with content. “I love it! I can finally have a garden.”

“I’ll make you happy. I know how it felt to be hurt, so I’ll make sure you’ll never go through the same thing again.” Sousuke said before kissing his cheek.

Makoto turned to face Sousuke and leaned his forehead against Sousuke’s. “I know, and I promise you the same thing.”