#meitaskaitsa

tags: side mention of miyusawa, miyuki kazuya, sawamura eijun, kominato haruichi, basically himym AU

to:rachel
from:dani
notes: hi, i don’t know if this would do good for you. i have been trying so hard to write this since i’ve had the prompt for a long time while having the headcanon already published to my (now defunct) old blog, so yeah, here we go.

.

(this is supposed to be) how i met your dad (but it turned out real bad)

[Kids, I’m gonna tell you an incredible story—the story of how I made myself a complete idiot in front of your dad when I met him for the first time.]

.

Kids, I’m gonna tell you an incredible story—the story of how I made myself a complete idiot in front of your dad when I met him for the first time.

Before I proceed, I just want to say that this is not a decade long story of my love life until I met your dad. I promise you, it would just take one story and that’s all you need to know.

And no, this is not a punishment—I’m just feeling quite nostalgic and I just feel like telling you before I forgot the whole thing even after I wrote it in my journal.

(Yes, it’s a journal, not a diary. Reason being that is because its cover is made up of genuine leather and because I’m a grown man, not a preteen.)

In case you want me to tell the rest of our history together, it would be my pleasure but it would take years. I could even write a whole book for that, and maybe it would become a TV show one day that lasts for nearly ten seasons.

… Oh, wait, there was already a show like that.

Anyways, there were two things that I had learned from my first time meeting your dad.

.

It was all started twenty years ago, when I had this whole other life before I became a father.

I was 27, trying to make it big as a civil engineer. I was living with your Uncle Miyuki and Uncle Sawamura—they were still dating at that time. They had been together for about six years and I was there to witness the stories of all of their firsts together.

It was a classic story—Uncle Miyuki and I met in Economics 201 and we were forced to become study partners and Uncle Sawamura became my new roommate in college dorms a year later. One day, all three of us gathered in my room and we became inseparable ever since.

(Technically, yes, I was their official third wheel, but at least they wouldn’t have been together if it weren’t for me.)

It was all perfect for us… until Uncle Miyuki decided to propose and made me questioning my own love life.

“Ever since college, it had been Sawamura and Miyuki and me,” I said. “Now it’s gonna be Sawamura and Miyuki… and me. They’ll get married, start a family. Before long, I’m that weird, middle aged bachelor their kids call ‘Uncle Kuramochi’.”

In dire times when I couldn’t talk of things that couples couldn’t relate to, I’d usually seek advice to your Uncle Haruichi. Oddly enough, we met a tuxedo rental—I happened to look around casually just in case I could find a good one as I pictured myself wearing it at my future wedding when Uncle Haruichi was there and assisted me for a quick stroll inside the place.

“You-san, you don’t have to rush yourself into these things,” Haruichi appeased. “I mean, I have no plans at all in getting married. Who knows, maybe I’ll marry way after you.”

(He was wrong. Within the next three years, Uncle Haruichi got married. I was at one of the lowest points of my life and I still hadn’t married your dad. I’ll get to that later.)

“Look…”

He sighed, curling his lips inwards. “I get that. I mean, I see all these grooms come and go from the rental, their happy expressions when they found the perfect tux to go with their big day ahead of them. I can see it from their eyes, just like when I saw you staring at…”

“… Peak Lapel White No. 75. I know.”

I was kind of desperate at that moment. I was so sure that if my friends were able to find one, that applied to me as well. I said to myself that I was ready, hoping the universe would give me a sign that my future spouse was somewhere near me, waiting for me to make a move.

“Wait, is that…?”

Suddenly, Uncle Haruichi sounded off when he looked over to the entrance. I glanced, following the direction of his eyes—

“… Haruichi.”

—and there he was.

It was like something from an old movie, where the sailor sees the girl, she catches him from afar and smiles. He waves back at her and tells his buddy, “See that girl? I’m gonna marry her someday.”

When I saw your dad for the first time, I was starstruck.

In an instant, I could picture our wedding day in a series of montages. I imagined myself wearing Peak Lapel White No. 75 in a garden where white and red roses bloom, watching your dad walk towards the altar. We state our vows before we kiss underneath a big tree, serenaded by Frank Sinatra’s “Fly Me to the Moon” in a violin.

I had never felt so optimistic about my love life than before.

“Haruichi, I think I may have found my future husband.”

He stared at me with his eyebrows furrowed. “You-san, that’s my brother.”

.

.

.

Well, I guess, I was slow on the intake.

No wonder they have the same pink hair. I should have noticed it earlier.

It didn’t take long for him to stride past the tables and walked to ours. Your Uncle Haruichi was somehow not-so happy seeing his brother around—his look at that time was translated as ‘God, why do I have to be here?’ while I took his presence as a blessing.

“Hey.”

“… Hello, Aniki.”

He hesitantly stood up and shook hands with him. I wondered what was going on in his mind.

“So… how’s the tux rental business going? How many lucky men did you get within the last month?”

Haruichi reluctantly replied as he lowered his gaze, “ah, well… not so much.”

“Well, you should work something about that, shouldn’t you?”

Of course, by that time, I just figured that your dad had the meanest, most sarcastic streak I could ever find in one person. Your Uncle Haruichi wasn’t delighted about it at that time—it wasn’t a good time for him.

“And this gentleman right here is…?”

I immediately extended my hand to him. “Kuramochi. Kuramochi Youichi.” I cleared my throat, added, “Haruichi and I, uh… we met at the rental.”

“Oh? So, who’s the lucky lady?”

“Well… none at the moment. I just happened to look by—you know… window shopping.”

Your dad then gave me a sympathizing look. “Aw. If only there was someone out there who loved you.”

For the rest of the night, we had a decent conversation. Uncle Haruichi was kept composed, even though I could sense him wishing to get away as soon as possible since he didn’t feel like opening up about his insecurities. Your dad continued to make slightly captious remarks of everything that happened, including the surroundings.

And me?

I was just there, being somewhat offended by words coming out of his sharp tongue, but I didn’t care. It was a high stake, living with someone who would outright demean you for the rest of your life. Then again, it could have its own worth.

All I needed to do at that time was to secure a date with your dad.

“Ryou-san.”

“Yes?”

“Do you, uhm… do you happen to be available on Saturday night?”

Both your dad and Uncle Haruichi was startled when I popped out the question.

Maybe Uncle Haruichi has ever said this to you, but at that time, he thought that I was the first person who had the nerve to ask his brother to go out with him after all the casualties. Sure, he knew that I swung both ways and it was a bold move considering I had not known whether your dad was into guys or not. I was prepared to make it into a casual outing until your dad answered,

“My, my, did you just try to ask me out?”

He smiled, kind of menacing for a still moment there. “Thank you for the kind offer. I don’t know about that, though. I had to go for work on Sunday morning and I should be at bed quickly for an early rise. Can you believe that?”

I couldn’t hide my disappointment. Just when I thought that I blew my chance to see him again, he approached me closely and slid his business card into my pants pocket.

“Call me later, okay?”

Your Uncle Haruichi couldn’t be more shocked in one night.

After your dad left us, he was still trying to process what happened. He had a feeling that the next events would not be delightful for me.

“I can’t believe you’re about to go out with my brother.”

“Haruichi, it’s gonna be fine,” I reassured him. “Who knows, he could be the one that I have been looking for. Besides, you and I are going to be in laws, isn’t that great?”

“I’m not sure if I could look forward to a recipe for disaster, You-san.”

He was not particularly wrong about that.

.

“Hey, Ryou-san.”

“Hello, Kuramochi. How are you doing?”

I had been enjoying the past three days of communicating with your dad from the last time we met.

We never had the chance to meet after that. He was quite busy with his work, travelling to various places to cover news reports. It consumed a lot of his time that it was hard for him to get a date—for “the last few years,” as he last spoke on our call the day before. He had broken up with his last significant other years back and it took a while for him to recover.

The more I got to know your dad, the more I got intrigued about him. I still couldn’t get over my imaginary wedding montages on my head that Uncle Miyuki was displeased every time I mentioned a sequence and Uncle Sawamura could recall every part of it.

“We get it, we get it—no band, no DJ, just a violin player to the tune of Frank Sinatra. You’re wearing Peak Lapel White No. 75, blah blah blah, what else? Three-layered cake with white icing, ribbons, and vanilla cream amidst the layers?”

Your Uncle Sawamura was already riled up each time I mentioned your dad and our future marriage procession. “Look, Eijun, you need to be easy on him,” Miyuki placated him. “Don’t you think he’d feel the same now that we’re preparing for our own wedding?”

“Yeah, but still—”

“Pupupu~ You just wanted the wedding spotlight to remain in our stead, didn’t you?”

“IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!”

Meanwhile, I was still busy conversing with your dad, wondering what I could do to be able to meet him before he went off for work on Sunday morning.

“Are those your roommates?” he asked. “I feel bad for you—can you still sleep at night and wake up in peace with them after all these six years?”

“Yeah… at times I could, but a lot of times, not so much.”

“Ah, well, my place is rather quiet and peaceful here. I could probably use some company over...”

I smirked. “I could come over… if you wanted to. You know, so you wouldn’t have to waste energy by going outside and you could immediately go straight to bed.”

He chuckled from the other side of the phone, and I loved how it sounded every time he did that.

“I would love that.”

Not long before we ended our call before our second meeting, I got reminded by an important thing that would convince me whether he was the one or not.

“Oh, and, uh… do you like grapes? I happen to like them.”

“No. I hate them. And I have a bowl of grapes sitting right in my home.”

It couldn’t be more perfect for me.

“Alright, I’ll see you tonight, Ryou-san.”

“Sure. I will be waiting.”

.

Before we move on, kids, I’d have to explain why grapes are an important part in determining the perfect balance between you and the love of your life.

Hailing from the case of Uncle Miyuki and Uncle Sawamura, I came up with something called “The Grape Theory”, in which what makes a perfect balance between a couple is when one loves grapes, one hates them. A lot of the times I had been with someone, they just happened to like grapes as much as I do (I even had to fight for the last piece of grape with one of my exes back then).

I didn’t know why, but I managed to rent out a white tux from Haruichi’s rental place for the night (and no, it was not the Peak Lapel White No. 75). I brought over flowers and a box of chocolates, and I was prepared for the first date with the man of my dreams.

As I was about to knock the door, your dad appeared right before me in an enchanting, sultry silk robe.

“Uh… h-hi.”

He chuckled again, making me blush and all kinds of nervous. “You look enthusiastic for tonight, huh? Mind you that this is a date night in, not a wedding reception.”

“Haha, yeah. I know.” I chimed, attempting to conceal my inner feelings. “I wanted to make it special, even though if tonight only consists of you looking at me eating your grapes.”

His chuckle turned into a laugh. I liked where it was going.

At that night, I felt like after giving me a sign, the universe had set me up for the perfect encounter that I could ever imagine. It was almost like a dream turning into reality. Your dad enjoyed our time together with me as well, and that was all I could ever ask for.

“So… what’s the plan for tonight?”

“Well… I’m still thinking about the grapes. And you could eat this chocolate if you want to, just in case,” I explained. “And while at that, we could have a glass of champagne—oh, Goddamnit, I forgot that one. Ah, I’m sorry, I should have brought that one too…”

Halfway before I managed to finish explaining my date plan, your dad had already put on a slow jazz tune from his stereo. He brought a bottle of champagne from his fridge and a couple of glasses, all set up as I watched him popping the cork and pouring the drinks before I took a glass from his hand.

“Let’s get right down to tonight, shall we?”

.

It was a remarkable date night in for me and your dad.

We mentioned a lot of things that happened to the course of events in our lives—of my roommates and my job, of his impending workload and future potential news covers, of our mutual affiliation to Haruichi, and of The Grape Theory as well.

Soon, we found ourselves in the middle of the room with dimmed lights. We slow danced—him in my arms, my gaze fixated at him like he was the most captivating person I ever had in such a close proximity.

It was all too perfect, even for me.

“I think I like your Grape Theory.”

“I think I like your skull collection.”

“I think I like your hair.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“What?”

And just like that, the time halted. The universe’s effect no longer worked on me.

He steeled away from me and turned on the lights again. I sat at one end of the couch, flushed and reeled with embarrassment. He didn’t even bother to look me in the eye anymore.

A long silence stretched between us for a while until he questioned,

“So… you love me?”

It took me several seconds before I could answer him.

“You may not believe me, but I guess so.”

I held my breath, mustering up my courage to tell him how I had been feeling all this time.

“I know I should have never said that on the first date, but it was more than just the grapes. Maybe it was just me, that I am done being single because my best friends are getting married while I still don’t have my future planned out well, but… maybe it was not a mistake either.”

As your dad remained in silence, I continued, “Ryou-san… when I saw you and got the chance to know you, I knew that I could find a lot of ways to make you happy. Hell, I’d probably try to make you the happiest man alive, and I could see how much we have things in sync, common or not. Even though we still have a long way to go, I think—no, I am positively sure that we will be able to make it.”

My persistency that was shown through my own words almost turned me speechless as well. I could say that I was still overwhelmed—I thought I’d have to wait for quite a bit until we could see each other again after that night.

Soon, it was time for me to put an end to our date night in. He walked me until I reached the front door out from his apartment building.

“Kuramochi… thank you for tonight. It was a pleasure.”

“Yeah, thanks for letting me go in your place. Hope you could work well tomorrow.”

“I will do my best.”

As we were about to shake hands, the sign from the universe miraculously arrived in time again, giving me the second chance to have a beautiful kiss to end our day together. It was at the moment when our hands touch and our faces were near to each other.

We were so close, I could hear his warm hitch of breath when my fingers caught in between his hands. My chance was only one pull of less than an inch away until our lips meet and it would only take me seconds to close away the gap separating us.

I decided not take that chance, and I left away without having to say anything.

.

“You-san… really? ‘I love you’ on a first date?”

“You should have kissed him.”

“Why are doing this to yourself, Kuramochi-senpai?!”

Of course, everyone was frustrated enough to hear the ending of my first date not long after.

Uncle Haruichi happened to be there after I recommended him to Uncle Miyuki and Uncle Sawamura to look for rentable wedding tuxedos. I just needed to barge in after they had their meeting.

“That was obviouslythe sign, you should have gone for it.” Miyuki rolled his eyes in exasperation. “You were lucky enough that he didn’t insult you right in the face when you slipped that one out of the bag—it’d be a different story if it were me and Eijun if that happened in our first date.”

“I can confirm that,” Sawamura concurred. “I’d be sure to respond that with a hard slap on your face if you told me that you loved me on our first date. I honestly don’t know if we could ever see each other again after that.”

“I’m not even sure that my brother would like to meet you again after that happened,” Haruichi added in a wary tone.

That could have been the worst-case scenario—I also thought that I would never see your dad again after all that happened on our first date together. But that’s the funny thing about destiny, it happens whether you plan it or not. It turns out, I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming.

And that is why, kids, you should never say “I love you” on a first date and you should have kissed your date if you both felt right.

Another thing that you need to know that if your date agreed to keep seeing you even after you made those two fatal mistakes, then they might be the one for you.

fin.

.