#modern retelling
Participating in Dracula Daily has reminded me of how throughout the initial portions of the novel the Count repeatedly makes back-handed references to the fact that he’s a vampire, seemingly for absolutely no reason other than to fuck with Jonathan, and it’s strengthened my conviction that you can’t have a faithful modern adaptation of Stoker’s Dracula unless Dracula is just constantly spouting shitty vampire puns – which everyone around him unaccountably fails to pick up on – like a gaunt, bemoustached Hannibal Lecter.
I love the idea that Dracula has gotten bolder and bolder with his puns over time because either a) nobody ever picks up on it until it’s too late, or b) he realizes that people are ironically less likely to suspect him the more obnoxious he is about it.
In a modern retelling, you’d absolutely have them sit down across from each other, Dracula dropping all of the vampire puns, Harker looking into the camera like Jim from The Office, and then when the truth is revealed, it’s impossible to convince anyone because he spent so much time being dismissive of all the weird habits.
Also, Van Helsing tries to take down a different vampire at one point and it turns out to be a regular goth
Still waiting for the modern take on Stoker’s Dracula that preserves the source material’s epistolary framing by relating the events of the story through a series of conveniently colour-coded chat logs.
REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
I am Count V. Dracula, lord of Transylvania, graduate of Scholomance in the Carpathian mountains, soldier, statesman, and alchemist. My fortunes are extremely successful but nonetheless, I find myself curious of the advancements in the Western world. I have decided to seek residences in London, England, and it behooves you to assist me in this matter.
The land I seek has a value of approximately 15,000,000 British pound sterlings, and as the solicitor managing my purchase I would be willing to pay you 10% of this value. Simply visit my castle in Transylvania this coming Walpurgisnacht to assist me in my purchase and I will happily entertain you, as will my three beautiful women of the night in my employ.
I will fill you in with further details on your arrival. Please be advised to keep this transaction as confidential as possible.
Sincerest Regards,
Count V. Dracula
