not sure which publication this finale snippet was from. indeed the wording of the last sentence is weird or dare i say foreboding for kacy. however, i wouldn’t read too too much into it as it was not directly from official ncis: hawai’i press release aside from the direct quotation of matt bosack
Ho’oponopono, or “I’m cautiously anticipating queer joy in ‘Ohana’ because the gays have been fighting for ten episodes and Jane is throwing a party.”
Important preface: Everything here is based on this 1985 paper by Karen L Ito at UCLA. It’s a truly fascinating read that I’m going to criminally oversimplify to avoid putting anyone to sleep. The parallels I’m about to lay out run much deeper than I have the space to get in to but the full dissertation is available upon request
Now I may be wayout of pocket here, but the back and forth we’ve been watching for half the season looks eerily like the process of making ho’oponopono in the “highly structured method for family therapy and conflict resolution” sense, not the “Lucy saw a kahuna” sense. It’s based on the idea that an extended family or social group (ohana*cough cough*) forms an interconnected network of pathways for emotional exchange. If two people have a hurtful exchange that causes continued conflict, the rest of the family gets drawn in to the “entanglement” too because they’re all connected.
To clear the way for forgiveness (and free everyone else) the whole family must work together to pull the entanglement apart like a knot, releasing or letting go of all the negative emotions trapped within.
The process is very straightforward:
Step 1: Explicit statement of the problem, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
Only one problem is discussed at a time. If a new problem is discovered in Step 2, it must wait until the first problem has been resolved before it can be addressed.
Step 2: Open, honest, rational discussion of the problem, “ripping off the scab” to expose the hurt and any additional, underlying problems. This step can take many sessions.
The goal is for everyone to clearly understand the transgression and how it developed into hurt, pain, and miscommunication.
Feel free to mentally sub in basically any scene from 112-117.
If participants begin to lose control of their emotions or display intense manifestations of anger, hurt, or frustration, there is a mandatory period of silence ( Lucy ) and/or the discussion is suspended until the next session so that everyone has time to reflect and regain their composure.
Again, there were about six scenes here to choose from - the discussion step can take manysessions.
Step 3: Mutual apologies and forgiveness
The wrong doer must ask for forgiveness for their specific transgression, and the wronged party must also ask for forgiveness for retaliating in their hurt and anger.
Both parties are considered equal contributors to the problem, so both must apologize for the roles they played and restate the ways they were at fault.
The incident is not forgotten, but both parties must forgive themselves and each other, letting go of hurt, anger, guilt, and shame in order to move forward.
If additional problems were uncovered during the discussion of the original transgression,
they are now restated as new problems
and Steps 1-3 repeat until all problems have been resolved, all transgressions forgiven, and both parties are able to move forward with open communication and positive emotional exchanges.
The semantic shift from “you lied to me and broke my heart,” to “we had something so special, and you broke my heart into a million pieces,” here is significant. The transgression of dishonesty has been forgiven, and what’s left is a deep, underlying pain. That is a separate but equally significant problem that both parties must hold space for and address according to its own merits.
Lucy just dropped a nuke then walked away (very cathartic power move tbh) and we know Kate has something brewing, so I feel confident there will be a lot more discussion and apologies in the coming few episodes. It looks very much like by the end of the season we’ll make it to:
Step 4: Closing ritual, commonly marked by much hugging and the whole family sharing a celebratory meal together.
Thewhole extended family is there (Milius, Pike, and Boom Boom included), and if Wally is there, you know there will be plenty of food.
Importantly, the whole family has been instrumental in the progress they’ve made so far. Ernie’s ongoing dialogue with and support of Lucy is a huge factor in how her demeanor and perspective have changed. In 119 specifically, he asked the right questions to remind her why Kate and the process of forgiving her was important (this is one of the areas where parallels run a lot deeper). Jane’s more subtle but equally consistent emotional support and facilitation of dialogue between the two is just as essential. She has either witnessed or orchestrated the interactions that resulted in every one of their significant discussions (I’d also put money on the fact that in 120 she texted Lucy about Whistler’s health and told Whistler about the Medina takedown). Most importantly though, she’s the head of the family. It’s only fitting that she should be the one to bring everyone together for the celebratory meal that marks the final act of forgiveness and “symbolizes the re-establishment of trust, mutual support, and family unity.”
Im late to this episode and so my only real comment rn is that Lucy watching Bake Off instead of going on a date is so fucking funny to me!! How much u wanna bet she and Kate used to watch the fucking Bake Off TOGETHER??? Skylar WHOMST?!
*lucy tryna read her texts, confuzzled*: eeehhhh skyline? who’s a skyline?!
Im late to this episode and so my only real comment rn is that Lucy watching Bake Off instead of going on a date is so fucking funny to me!! How much u wanna bet she and Kate used to watch the fucking Bake Off TOGETHER??? Skylar WHOMST?!
*lucy tryna read her texts, confuzzled*: eeehhhh skyline? who’s a skyline?!
