#non member
he said there would be great wars.
he said there would be famines and there would be pestilences and there would be horrors unknown to man. he said this, but he didn’t really mean it.
oh — he meant it. of course he did. God doesn’t change and neither does his son. but as he uttered the words he felt pain in his heart. they were so innocent. maybe, not as a whole. he had seen the masses and he had seen their wickedness and he knew they would never repeat. but as he watched the faces of the twelve change when he spoke the words of damnation, that’s all he could think about. how much like children that they were.
when it happened, and he had been in heaven for what felt like barely days, the time space continuum something he couldn’t even have begun to explain to then, he felt as if he might cry. he didn’t dare look at his Father, as if not having contact would stop Him from knowing that he was hurting. he couldn’t help it. it could have been him down there.
maybe he didn’t mean it, but he didn’t regret it. maybe he would have tried and found another way, but he knew he would have failed. God never fails, and he supposes, that’s why he’s not God. he also knows someday they will render him as they render his father, and he’s not ready for that, and he doesn’t want it. he’s not God, really. he’s only a loyal slave.
there are times he still feels like that twelve year old boy in the temple at the feet of the masters. he did not come to amaze. he came to be amazed. he was still only a boy.
even perfect hearts can feel broken, and the last time he was in this much anguish there was a kiss to be had. there was little time to feel hurt, nonetheless. he almost wanted to reach out and grab his father’s hand, as if that would make it better, watching their children suffer. if it had been joseph, he would have. those human mannerisms never quite went away.
he said there would be wars and food shortages and sicknesses and death, and he knew it was true. but sometimes he wished he had lied.
- messages from Heaven, and heartbroken not-God. // claudia augustus.