#nude modeling

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Ian Roberts played professional rugby in Australia between 1986 and 1998. In recognition of his efforts he was awarded the Australian Sports Medal for his contribution to Australia’s international standing in rugby league. Roberts served on the National Rugby League’s judiciary between 2000s and in 2004. And in 2005, he was named one of the 25 greatest ever New South Wales players. Roberts revealed in 2014 that he has suffered from brain damage after being knocked out up to a dozen times in his playing career.

In 1995 Roberts became the first high-profile Australian sports person and first rugby footballer in the world to come out to the public as gay. He afterwards he said,

“(It) was the worst kept secret in the rugby league. Even when I was at Souths, everyone knew I was gay.”

Adding:

“I have been ‘out’ privately since I was 19 or 20. I was always comfortable growing up being gay. (But) I wish I’d come out earlier… I always felt like I was protecting my family, but you can’t protect people from being who you are.”

But it wasn’t until 2021 that he revealed the negative impact of coming out. He overheard fellow teammates they were I uncomfortable rooming with him because he’s a faggot. He also received mail saying, “AIDS will finish you in hell. SODOMIST.”

The same year while exiting the field during halftime, a spectator assaulted him - punching Roberts in the face and calling him a “faggot”.

But Roberts used his new found fame to campaign against homophobia. He discussed his sexuality in magazines and on television and appeared in a poster campaign against homophobia conducted by the Lesbian and Gay Anti-Violence Project.

In 2010, Roberts publicly criticised Australian swimming star Stephanie Rice for calling the South African rugby union team“faggots” - calling her “a complete idiot”.

Like other athletes who come out as gay, Roberts posed nude, included appearing on the of “(not only) Blue” Magazine in 2001.

In 1998 Roberts decided to pursue acting professional and move to the US in 2003 to increase his opportunities. His credits include appeared in:

• Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002) as a bartender
• Dancing with the Stars (2005) - Roberts competed in the Australian edition of the show placing second
• Superman Returns (2006) as one of Luthor’s henchmen
• Saltwater (2013) as the love interest in a gay romance
• Fantasy Island (2020) as a character called Mr. Torture

Perhaps one of Roberts’ proudest moments occurred in 2017. He made a personal plea to the Australia’s National Rugby League to support legislation allowing same-sex marriage. He’s effort convinced them - and the NRL publicly announce their stance. He was motivated after learning about the death of Tyrone Unsworth, a 13 year old boy who died after being bullied at school.

“That’s what triggered me into doing this. His passing will not be in vain.”

Roberts has been with his partner Daniel for 15 years.

My job hunt hasn’t progressed as well as I’d hoped. It was my goal to get a full-time position, or barring that, two part-time jobs. So far I have one part-time, and my luck, as of late, has led me to ponder the trail my career has followed.

            The highest paying job, per hour, I have ever been offered was as a nude model for a drawing class. A college was going to pay me $25 per hour to sit still as a stone buck naked in front of 18 young people who don’t yet know what it feels like to be able to lift excess flesh in their hands and shift it to other places on their body. I didn’t take the job. 

            I know plenty of people are quite comfortable with their bodies throughout each decade they are lucky enough to still be alive. I actually feel pretty good about myself, but the thought of over a dozen people studying each mole and hair follicle, and their eyes are following the uneven lines that make up my hips, insecurity seeps in. A friend of mine reminded me that, after all, I wouldn’t be modeling for porn pictures; it was art. But what I was doing it for wasn’t the hang-up.

            What it really boiled down to was dimpled fat. You women know, that fat on your thighs that looks like grapefruit skin. I could not show my dimpled fat to all those college students who look like they could count their blemishes on two hands. They’ll see it soon enough when they pass thirty. 

            My ego aside, what’s sad about this job offer is what I said earlier. This is the only job I’ve ever been offered that paid so well. I’ve worked with mentally challenged adults, taught art to children in wheelchairs, planned state conferences for art administrators, and I’ve been commissioned to write plays for children.  Of all the things I’ve done for art in my fourteen year career as an arts administrator, showing my butt to it was the most lucrative.

            For any of you my age or older who have ever dropped your pants for art, I salute you. I hope you showed those college students what they’re headed for and were proud of it. My pants may still be on, but my hat is off to you.

When I lived in America I was a regular on Spindale public radio in North Carolina. These essays are from my collection that aired on WNCW.

Cathy Adams was recently nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Her first novel, This Is What It Smells Like, was published by New Libri Press, Washington. Her short stories have been published in Utne, A River and Sound Review, Upstreet, Portland Review, Steel Toe Review, and Cha: An Asian Literary Journal, among others. She earned her MFA in Creative Writing from Pacific Lutheran University’s Rainier Writing Workshop and now lives and writes in Xinzheng, China, with her husband, photographer, JJ Jackson.

More of my work, at Patreon.com/ThePurityPixel.