#oh and ps guess what hiv still have sex

as i mentioned in this post, during my annual physical, i had a prostate exam. while i was bent over the table and my doctor had his finger up my ass (a sensation to which partybottom is certainly no stranger), he noticed a band-aid on my butt. 

he said, it looks like somebody gave you a shot. who gave you a shot? and I said, oh, my boyfriend gave me my hormone shot the other day. and i added, fun fact: he’s transgender, too. 

toward the end of the appointment, he was like, okay, so, now, i’m really sorry, but i’m going to have to ask you a bunch of annoying questions. and i was like, sure, ask away doctor! i will tell you anything you want to know, since you seem like a nice guy. (i was in a good mood.)

i realized very quickly that this was the “harm reduction counseling” part of the appointment. this kind of thing is mandated by the state – they have to do it to get funding, and i suppose it probably is a decent part of good health care, too. basically, he was asking a bunch of questions about substance use, med adherence (how often i take my meds and if i take them on time), and safer sex. 

when we got to the sex questions, he starts out, have you had sex since i saw you last? and i enthusiastically answered, yes! then he was all, do you have a partner? and i was was like, yup. and then he was like, are you monogamous? and i was like, eh, yeah, more or less. and then he was like, do you guys use condoms? and i was like uuh, um, i mean, not really, i mean we don’t really need to because we don’t really have high-risk sex, i mean, the thing is, it’s like…

and he goes,

OOOooh i remember, you said your boyfriend is transgender! so, he uses a strap-on or something? and i was like YES, EXACTLY, TRUE, THAT IS EXACTLY HOW WE HAVE SEX.(actually, he uses a realdoe, but no need to split hairs here.) and then my doctor was like, psssh, you should have just said. this is APICHA, we hear everything. no judgement! what, you think i believe in abstinence or something? what, do i look like nancy reagan? 

which is funny, because dr. tang does not look like nancy reagan. like, not even a little bit. 

i guess you had to be there.