letter #4 for my 700 event to:@rqkuya prompt: xiao + “apologies” + platonic, apologizing for something he doesn’t need to apologize for tw: depression (implied) notes: you attacked me when you asked for this (affectionate)
my dearest friend,
i’m sorry that i left you at yaoguang shoal a few days ago. i can recall your expression as i vanished, and you seemed disappointed. i didn’t mean to let you down, and for that i sincerely apologize. i regret not being able to provide the kind of happiness you deserve.
it is no excuse, but i don’t think i’ve been well lately. you seem to have noticed the manifestation of my illness, if it can be called that. i’m exhausted. writing this letter fatigues me. it is as though my work will never end. even in leisure i cannot find it in myself to rest.
i feared that if i stayed any longer i would lose my grip on my own mind.
it’s pathetic. it’s pathetic and unsightly, and i do not want to admit to this kind of weakness, but i fear i’ll have failed you as a friend if i do not offer a truthful explanation for my absence.
i didn’t have the strength to see you. i wanted to see you. our time together is precious. i still want to go to you.
i’m not sure why i can’t. perhaps thousands of years of battle have done little to make me less of a coward. i regret disappointing you like nothing else. i don’t know how to fix this.
i think this may have been coming for a while. i refused to see it.
i hope you can forgive me. i hope i can still be considered your friend after disappearing, and then avoiding any kind of apology. i have behaved like a coward – even now, i write to you instead of speaking to you.
your forgiveness would mean more than you know. i’m not sure what i would do without you, even if i don’t deserve to be by your side.
