’ -

: slight smut 

Part One: https://writer-of-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/675559203955425280/you-dont-know-her-like-i-do-part-one
Part Two: https://writer-of-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/675926650790248448/you-dont-know-her-like-i-do-part-two
Part Three: https://writer-of-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/677404676210163712/you-dont-know-her-like-i-do-part-three
Part Four: https://writer-of-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/680066269767221248/you-dont-know-her-like-i-do-part-4

Piney threw an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side, ruffling the top of your head fondly; in many ways, he was just as much of a father figure to you as your uncle Clay was, possibly even more so. Clay was the one you went to for good advice but Piney was the one you went to when you just needed a kind ear to listen to your problems. You stood together and watched as the guys sped out of the Teller-Morrow backlot; they were headed on a ‘blood drive’ for the Children’s hospital, or at least that’s what you’d been told. Honestly, sometimes you swore all the guys thought you were born yesterday when they tried lying to you - it was clear that their journey had nothing to do with charity and was actually a cover up for something all the more sinister. You didn’t care that Jax had lied to you because you knew he did it for your own protection and peace of mind, you just hoped they all made it back alive. 

Between everything that was going on with the club and the feud between your uncle and brother, the chances of someone coming home in a body bag were higher than ever. 

“I gotta take Abel home,” You told Piney. “He’s staying with me while Jax is away.”
The old man smiled at you, one of the most genuine smiles you’d seen coming from him since you first got back. “How’s all that going?” He asked. “You enjoying motherhood?”
You scoffed. “I wouldn’t call it motherhood, but I love taking care of him. He’s the calmest kid ever, some days I can’t even believe he’s Jax’s.”
“You’ll be more of a mother to that boy than anyone else ever will,” Piney said. “And it suits you, Y/N.”
You ignored the pain that blossomed behind your right eye. Talking about this was going to give you a migraine. “Thanks, Piney. You should come over later, I’m doin’ dinner for Gem.”

Piney kissed your forehead and disappeared into the clubhouse. You picked up Abel’s car seat being careful not to wake him and loaded it into the back of your Jeep. As a general rule, you took your bike over your car no matter where you were going, but today you were  transporting precious cargo, meaning you’d had to trade in your Harley. It was worth it if it meant you got to spend time with your God son. You gave him a bottle to drink on the way to the grocery store before getting behind the wheel and pulling out of the lot. 

-

You grabbed what you needed and was in the middle of putting Abel back in the car when Gemma ran past you. At first you didn’t even realise it was her, but when you spun around and saw her chasing a blonde you didn’t recognise, you knew you had to run after her. You couldn’t exactly leave Abel so you took him with you, cradling his head against your chest as you jogged after her, hoping they wouldn’t make it far so you could catch up. 

You swore under your breath. Why could nobody just have a normal bloody day in Charming?

When you rounded the corner, you saw Tara was also chasing Gemma, although you had no idea where she’d come from. The blonde woman that had Gemma rattled climbed into a car with a guy you recognised but couldn’t place, leaving Gemma standing dumbfounded on the sidewalk. Before you could get to her, Tara came up behind her and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder; the next thing you knew, Gemma was clocking her in the face. 

“Shit,” You sighed, jogging over to the two of them. “What the hell is going on?!”
“Y/N?” Gemma said. “What are you doing here?”
“I was getting groceries and I saw you run past. Who was that?”
Tara was clutching her nose, blood dripping between her fingers. “I need to go to St Thomas. This is definitely broken.”
“You broke her nose?!” You yelled. “Gemma, what-”
“Not on purpose. If I wanted to break her nose, I would’ve done it a long time ago.”
“My car is around the corner,” You said, shaking your head. “I’ll drive.”

-

While Tara got her nose looked at you and Abel waited with Gemma in the hospital’s chapel. You didn’t consider yourself to be a religious person, not after the things you’d been through in your lifetime. Surely if there was a God he wouldn’t just sit back and watch while people suffered so greatly, right? So sitting in the chapel with Gemma was just like sitting in an ordinary room. You gave Abel your car keys to play with while he sat in your lap and tried to work out the best way to go about talking to Gemma about what had happened. Having grown up under her care, you knew Gemma well, and you could tell just by looking at her that she was currently at war with her own mind. 

Tara poked her head around the door and once she saw the three of you sitting there, she came over and joined you, reaching out and letting Abel wrap one of his tiny hands around her finger. “How’s your nose?” You asked.

“It’s gonna be fine,” She explained. “It isn’t broken.”
You nodded. “That’s good.”
Gemma sighs. “I’m sorry.”
“Guess I’m lucky you didn’t blow my head off,” The ghost of a smile flickers across Tara’s face. “You okay? That running couldn’t have felt good.”
You wondered what Tara was talking about, but then it dawned on you just how much pain Gemma was probably in after what happened to her. She shook her head. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Who was the girl?” When Gemma didn’t respond, Tara looks to you for help, but you have no idea what to say either. “Jesus Christ Gemma, you have to talk about what happened. I know what it’s like to keep something like this inside.” 
You realised what Tara is doing and it occurred to you that maybe if Gemma heard that you both understood what she was going through to some level she might feel like opening up. “So do I,” You said.
She scoffs. “I doubt that.”
“You know why I was carrying that gun a few months ago?” Tara presses. 
“The fed. You got a restraining order.”
“Yeah.”
“He went after you?”
Tara and Gemma lock eyes. “Yeah.”
“Raped you?”
“Uh, it almost went there. I was able to stop him.”
Gemma looked the way you felt - abhorred. “Does Jax know?” She asked incredulously. 
Tara nodded. “I had to tell someone. I… I knew it would eat me up if I didn’t.”
You and Gemma looked at each other knowingly. “What did Jax do?” 
“Well, there was nothing he could do. Kohn was already gone,” You knew that was bullshit. “My point is, you need to get this thing outta your head before you kill someone.”
“Tara’s right,” You interjected. “Keeping shit like this to yourself ruins your life, Gem.”
“And what would you know about it?”
Abel shifted in your lap and you looked at him, tears already blurring your vision. “I didn’t come back to Charming because I was homesick. I came back because I almost had a baby with a man who used to beat me when he drank.”
Tara gasped while Gemma just stared at you, open mouthed. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
You smiled sadly. “This is the point I was trying to make.”
“You could’ve talked to me, darl,” Gemma reached out and took your hand. 
“But I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to get the words out. Telling Jax and Opie was bad enough, I had no idea how to go about telling you.”
“Does Clay know?”

 You shook your head. You could  imagine how your uncle would react if you told him about your ex, and right now that was more than you were able to handle. Maybe once Gemma had told Clay her story and he’d processed that you could tell him about your past, but until then you had no desire to bring it into the present. 

“The point is, keeping this to myself and making the conscious decision not to deal with it had me running home with my tail between my legs,” You explained. “I’m not saying that I regret coming back to Charming, but maybe if I’d opened up to someone about it I wouldn’t have felt the need to run. You need to deal with what happened to you before your trauma starts calling all the shots.”

-

Abel stared up at you with wide, curious eyes when you started to sing him an old country song you loved as a teenager. You were giving him his afternoon bottle and attempting to lull him to sleep, hoping he would nap for a couple of hours so you could get some writing done. Since you’d spent most of the week taking care of Abel, the two of you had a pretty good routine down and as his eyes started to droop as he fell asleep, it dawned on you that there was nothing else in this world quite as precious to you as your god son. If anything ever happened to him, you would personally see to it that hell was raised and somebody paid a pretty price. 

Being careful not to wake him, you laid him down in his travel crib and crept downstairs, but before you could even open your laptop and get to writing, somebody knocked on the front door. You assumed it was Jax coming to collect Abel since the guys were supposed to be coming home from the run this afternoon, but when you opened the door you were face to face with Juice. 

You blinked in surprise. You hadn’t spoken to Juice since the wrap party. Truthfully, you’d been avoiding him, but now that you were looking him in the eye you couldn’t for the life of you remember why. “Hey,” he grinned.
“Hey yourself,” You smiled. “What’re you doing here?”
“We just got back and I thought I’d come over and check in.”
You stepped aside and gestured for Juice to come inside. “You want something to drink?”
“I’ll take a beer if you’ve got one.”
“Sure.”

Juice followed you through to the kitchen and perched himself on the counter while you fetched two beers from the fridge. He shrugged out of his kutte and a slew of inappropriate thoughts went through your head as you found yourself wondering what he looked like underneath the rest of his clothes. You handed him his beer - avoiding eye contact entirely - and leaned against the opposite counter, putting a fair bit of distance between the two of you. 

“So, you came to check on me?”
Juice grinned sheepishly. “Kind of. I realised we hadn’t really spoken since the party and I wondered if there was something wrong.”
Internally, you flinched. You’d hoped he wouldn’t notice. “Nothing’s wrong, just had a lot going on between babysitting Abel and trying to start my next project.”
“Okay,” Juice sipped his beer. “I thought maybe you regretted what happened.”
“Why, do you?”
“Nope.”
“I don’t regret it,” You told him. “I just don’t know how I feel about it.” 
Juice slid off the counter and closed the distance between the two of you. He didn’t make any moves to touch you, but the proximity was enough to stop your heartbeat. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“I-”
“Maybe you just need it to happen again so you can figure it out.”
You raised a brow. “You think so?”
“Yeah, I do.”
There was no point trying to put a stop to the inevitable, so you let Juice grab you by the waist and lift you onto the kitchen island. “Maybe you’re right.”

He began peppering kisses along the side of your neck and your jaw, leaving a trail all the way to your lips, which he took between his teeth before finally kissing you. You released a quiet, breathy moan and wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, locking him in, even though there was no way he would have moved anyway. He ran his tongue along your bottom lip and you let him in, exploring his mouth with your own tongue while he tangled his hands in your hair. 

“Figured it out yet?” He asked breathlessly. 
You smirked. “Not yet.”

This seemed to be the final push that Juice needed and before you could react he swept you up off the counter and headed for the stairs, all without breaking the passionate kiss that the two of you were wrapped up in. You wrapped your legs even more tightly around his waist and gasped at the friction this caused; it had been so long since you had been intimate with someone and as a result, your body was both excited and nervous simultaneously. 

Juice kicked your bedroom door shut behind you and laid you down on the bed, kicking off his boots before climbing on top of you. After a while, you began to get desperate to feel his skin against yours, so you tugged on the hem of his t-shirt, practically begging for him to take it off. He pulled away from you and sat up, a shit-eating grin spread across his face - he knew that he had you right where he wanted you. 

“You first,” He said, trailing his fingers underneath the waistband of your denim shorts.
A shiver ran through your entire body, but you did as Juice told you. “Now you.”

Obviously you knew he was in fairly good shape and you’d had a pretty decent idea of what he looked like underneath his clothes since the day you met him, but nothing could have prepared you for actually seeing it. He was genuinely the most gorgeous man you had ever seen, ripped and toned in all the right places, and the sight of him laid practically bare in front of you was making you feel some type of way. You unclasped your bra without needing to be told and pulled him back down, reconnecting your lips in a fiery kiss. His skin was warm against yours and you couldn’t wait to get even closer; hell, you wanted to crawl up inside the man and stay there forever. 

You were genuinely in awe of how naturally things seemed to be flowing between the two of you, the way you were able to communicate your desires to Juice without needed to use words like you could somehow speak telepathically. You both ridded one another of the rest of your clothes and after you had fetched a condom from your bedside drawers, Juice pushed into you. After being practically celibate for the better part of a year, it was initially quite painful and - as though he sensed this - Juice made sure to go slow and gentle until you gave him the word to speed up.

You and Juice became a tangle of limbs beneath the sheets, coaxing each other towards your highs. Part of you didn’t want it to end; never in your life had you been with such a caring man, it was like having sex for the first time all over again. 

When you were both finished - and Juice made sure you did finish - you cuddled up next to him with your head resting on his chest, listening to the rise and fall of his breathing and the steady beat of his heart. 

You could hear the smirk in his voice when he said, “Figured it out now?”
“I think so,” You teased. “Might have to try again just to be certain.”

-

There was lots to get done at TM that day, cars that needed servicing and repairing, books to check, payslips to hand out. As per usual, you were one of the few mechanics actually getting these tasks  done, mainly because the club was knee deep in bullshit again, meaning all the guys were tied up. You had just finished changing the oil of a beamer and you were desperate to go home and take a shower, partly because you were sweating through your overalls and partly because the energy at the garage was so low, you didn’t really want to hang around much longer. 

You were contemplating heading home when the explosion happened.

One minute everything was normal, the next your ears were ringing and the mini van that had just been brought into the lot was up in flames and Chibs was being thrown across the asphalt. The only other time your heart had stopped within your chest like this was when you found out that you were pregnant, but at least then you’d had the opportunity to brace yourself. Now, as you found yourself sprinting across the lot to get to Chibs, it felt like your heart would never beat again. Everyone had had the same reaction as you and you’d all formed a protective circle around Chibs as Tara knelt down next to him to check that he still had a pulse. 

In the time it had taken for you to get from one side if the lot to the other, everything had suddenly became clear to you and it dawned on you that you were much more invested in the Scotsman lying half dead on the floor than you had first thought. By the time the ambulance arrived and Juice had wrapped a protective arm tightly around your shaking shoulders, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to cope if Chibs didn’t make it, and you had figured out exactly how you felt. Deep down, you’d always known that your ex wasn’t the only reason you’d come home, but you just hadn’t been able to put your finger on why until now.

And that reason wasn’t Juice Ortiz.

- 

End of part 5

TAGLIST:
@mrsstevenbuchananstark
@lalaooopsie
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part one - https://writer-of-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/675559203955425280/you-dont-know-her-like-i-do-part-one
part two - https://writer-of-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/675926650790248448/you-dont-know-her-like-i-do-part-two

When you came back to Charming, you expected a lot of different things, but one thing you most certainly hadn’t been expecting was being in the funeral procession for Donna Winston, a woman you’d known for fifteen years, a member of your family. Opie had asked you if you would ride next to him and of course you had agreed; there was a banner reading ‘FUNERAL’ taped to the front of your Harley and every now and again you’d steal a worried glance at your brother. He kept his eyes firmly on the road ahead. Jax was nowhere to be seen and you were pissed that he hadn’t shown up to support Opie, but that couldn’t be your main concern right now. Riding through Charming Cemetery in front of Donna’s hearse was a surreal experience, and not in a good way. You felt this inarticulable, dull ache in your chest that had started the second you found out about her brutal murder and had worsened with every passing day. You had loved her like a sister and in some ways you’d ended up closer to her than Tara, but losing her was more than that; it was proof that all was not well here at home and that everything was more uncertain than it had ever been. Donna’s death was cataclysmic and you hadn’t bargained for such difficulties. You were sorting through so much shit that you genuinely didn’t know if you had any space left in your brain to take on more.

The service was beautiful and the very least that Donna deserved. Jax showed up halfway through and made an example of himself, but mostly everyone ignored him. He had his own shit going on in his head that he needed to deal with, and you would help him the best you could, but not today. Today was about being there for Opie, Piney and the kids. After the burial, you headed back to Opie’s house for the wake which was an extremely pitiful affair. Growing up, Opie had been hard to read, but the older you both got the more difficult it became to understand his emotions. You sat outside in the garden with him watching the kids on the swings, digging through your vocabulary in an attempt to find words that would console him without pissing him off. 

So far, you hadn’t been successful. 

“I don’t need to talk about it,” He told you.
“Okay, Ope. But if you change your mind, you know you can come to me with anything. And if you need help with the kids, just let me know.”
“I will.”

You really didn’t know what else to say, so you just got up and hugged him. It took him a while to hug you back and when he did it was half-hearted, but you knew that was the best you were going to get from him at that moment. You went inside and found Jax leaning against the counter with a beer; he looked far too casual for a wake so you smacked him round the back of the head. 

“What was that for?” He frowned.
“This isn’t the fucking clubhouse, it’s Donna’s wake.”
He rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ.”
“Don’t ‘Jesus Christ’ me, Jackson Teller. Come outside. I gotta talk to you.”

He followed you out to the front of the house. You perched on your bike and did the same since his was parked right next to yours. You could tell by the expression on his face that he knew where this conversation was headed. 

“What’s goin’ on?” You asked. “Since I’ve been back, I’ve watched someone I love get killed and another get thrown in jail. I feel like I’ve walked into a warzone.”
“That’s because you have,” He spat. “Things ain’t what they used to be. Not with the club, not with me, not with Ope.”
“So I’m realising.”
“The club is involved in a lot of shit and Clay can’t see that we need to get out before it’s too late to come back from it. We need change, but he won’t accept that.”
You understood that your uncle was stuck in his ways, a stickler for tradition. He liked to do things the way they’d always been done and anyone that challenged him never got their way; why would Jax be any different? “You know what he’s like. He likes things done his way.”
“Yeah, but his way is gonna get SAMCRO wiped out. We’ve already got ATF breathin’ down our necks.”
“No shit?”
“I wish that was the worst of it,” Jax swigged his beer. He was more stressed than you’d ever seen him. “I found this book that my old man wrote,” He told you. “It’s about what he really wanted for the club. His vision.”
“And what was his vision?”
Jax smiled sadly. “Not this.”
“Can I read it?” 
“Sure. Just don’t tell Clay. And don’t tell Gemma, either.”
You nodded. “Alright.”

For a while, you sat in comfortable silence. The entire club and anybody affiliated had come to Donna’s wake and the street was lined with an assortment of Harley Davidsons. You looked at each one, trying to figure out who each one belonged to. Since the Prospect’s bike was white, it was pretty easy to pick out and you could tell that the Dyna next to it was Juice’s because you’d been working on it with him for  a couple of weeks, but since Donna’s death you hadn’t really had much time to talk to him. In actual fact, you’d steered clear of TM because the energy there was enough to give you a migraine. You and Gemma had been focusing on prepping your new house for the move, buying furniture (which Half-Sack had the joys of building) and choosing wallpaper samples. 

You took out your pack of cigarettes and lit one, desperate for something to do with your hands. Funerals made you antsy because you always felt like there was more you could be doing, even when there wasn’t. When you glanced at Jax, he was already watching you, worry etched into his features. 

“Why’d you really come home, Y/N?” He asked.
You almost dropped your cigarette. “I told you, I-”
“I know that’s all bullshit. It’s not because you missed us, it’s not because you got bored of Colorado. Something happened to you, didn’t it?”
You sighed. “Somethin’s telling me you already know the answer.”
“Ope told me some of it.”

You nodded. It didn’t surprise you that Opie had told Jax, and not even because of their brotherly bond with each other; it was more because of their brotherly bond with you, and when one of them felt that you needed protecting, they always enlisted the help of the other. 

“So what did he tell you exactly?” 
“He told me that your ex was a dick and that he used to beat on you.”
You flinched. “That all?”
“There’s more?” Jax looked like he was about to be sick. 
“Had an abortion,” You took a long drag of your cigarette. “He got me pregnant and I knew he’d use the kid as a way of keeping me close, so I got rid of it.”
Jax stood up and set his bottle of beer down on the seat of his bike. Seemingly, he didn’t know whether to hug you or hit something. “Jesus Christ, Y/N.”
“I also didn’t want him doing what he did to me to a child,” You murmured. “It wouldn’t have been fair.”
You put your cigarette out and Jax took both of your hands, pulling you up off your bike. He wrapped his arms around you. “I wish you would have come to me.”
“I’m here now.”
“I assume there’s no point in asking what his name is or where he lives?”
You managed a laugh. “Nope. Not a chance. He’s not worth it.”
“Fuck, Y/N,” He sighed. “I’m so sorry you went through all of that.”
“Don’t be sorry. Wasn’t your fault.” 
“Is it just me and Ope that know?”
“So far, yeah. I’ll tell Clay and Gem eventually, I just need a little more time.”
“I can tell them if you want, if that’s any easier.”
“Yeah,” You relaxed somewhat. “Yeah, thanks Jax. I don’t really feel like telling this story a third time.”
“No worries, babe.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”

-

Since Donna’s funeral, you’d had two main focuses: Opie and the kids and your house. Opie was keeping everyone at an arm’s length which was a force of habit for him, but you were doing your best helping Piney with school runs and whatever else you could. The rest of your time was spent putting the finishing touches on your new house, which you were moving into that day. It truly was a gorgeous house and you couldn’t have asked for anything better. When you pulled up to the property, the first thing you saw was the expansive front lawn, winding stone path with a matching driveway which led to the huge double garage where you already knew you’d spend a lot of your time. The house itself was clad with dark oak panels which matched the front porch and door and all of the windows were massive, allowing for plenty of natural light - the bay window in the front room was one of the main reasons you’d chosen the house. 

“I’m in the wrong business,” Chibs elbowed you playfully. “Should be writing books instead of fixing cars.”
You smiled at him. “I don’t make that much.”
He guffawed. “No need to be modest, love.”

Most of the Sons were helping you move into your home. The midday sun beat down on your back as you hauled box after box into the house - you’d finally arranged for the rest of your belongings to be shipped to California with your overly-helpful assistant who you’d been eager to leave behind. Happy and Juice were upstairs putting your bed together, Chibs and Jax were helping you with boxes, Gemma was unloading the massive grocery shop she’d just done for you in the kitchen and Clay and Tig were putting your bookcases together. You paused in the doorway after dumping a box on the floor to catch your breath and put your hair up. Winters in Colorado might have been unforgiving, but summers in California were downright lethal.

“Slackin’ already?” Chibs teased.

You flipped him off and headed through to the kitchen for a glass of water. Gemma took one sight of your flustered self and started making fresh lemonade. 

“You don’t have to do that.”
“I was gonna do it anyway, might as well start now,” She smiled. “How’s it goin’?”
“Good, almost done with the boxes. Unpacking them is gonna be the fun part.” You rolled your eyes.
“We’ll do it tomorrow night  if you like? We’ll open a bottle of wine, order some takeout.”
You grinned. “That sounds great, thanks Gem.”
“You’re coming to Bobby’s party tonight, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” You assured her. “I’m glad he’s finally getting out.”
“Me too. Hey, maybe he’ll get his guitar out and you guys can sing like you used to.”
“Maybe.”

You looked back on these particular memories fondly. Growing up, Bobby had taught you how to play the guitar and you’d learned that you could actually sing pretty well if you put your mind to it. You’d spent countless afternoons with him learning different songs and losing track of time. He was just as much your uncle as Clay was and you had a very strong bond with him. To say you were excited for him to be getting out of jail would be an understatement.  

“I’m gonna go and see how Juice and Hap are getting on upstairs.”
“Okay darl. I’ll call you when the lemonade is ready.”

In your bedroom, Juice and Happy were arguing over which part screwed into which. All of the bedrooms in your new house had a Juliette balcony and the guys had thrown the doors wide open to let in some fresh air. They were both shirtless, a sight that wasn’t exactly unwelcome. When they saw you standing in the doorway, Juice and Happy both looked up.

“Why’d you have to buy the most complicated bed in the world?” Juice whined. “There’s like a thousand parts to this thing.”
You shrugged. “It was the biggest one they had.”
“Why’d you need a Queen sized bed when it’s just you sleepin’ in it?”
Chibs came up behind you with a large box labelled bedroom and nudged you to the side with it. “You can’t say that to a lady, Juicy Boy,” He chastised. “How do ye know she’s gonna be alone in that bed forever?” 
Juice frowned. “I don’t, but-”
“Quit yer moanin’,” He interjected. “And get back to work.”

Chibs smirked at you on his way out and you couldn’t help but smirk back - you had no idea where this flirty banter had come from, but you weren’t exactly opposed to it. Juice seemed to catch on to this and immediately diverted his gaze from you back to the instruction manual for your bed. You knew he had a bit of a thing for you and if you were being completely honest with yourself, seeing him shirtless covered in a sheen of sweat that glistened in the sun had forced you to see him in a new light. Literally. Happy watched you come to this conclusion with an amused look on his face, and you headed back downstairs before he could say anything to you about it. 

Seeing everyone bustling around your house, helping you to make it a home, made you happier than you had been since the early days in Colorado, except this was even better because your family was a part of it. There was a box labelled keepsakes in front of you, and it had sparked your curiosity. You took your keys out of your pocket and sliced through the tape. Inside the box were your photo albums, some of your old journals, your film camera and a bunch of used rolls of film. This was a hobby from your teenage years and there had been a period where you weren’t spotted without this camera on you. In the top of the box was a pack of new film which you decided to load into the camera; chances were it wouldn’t even work, but you decided if it meant you’d be able to commemorate this day, it would be worth a try. 

You pointed the camera at Clay and Tig who were both bent over one of your obnoxiously large bookcases. Your uncle noticed the camera and grinned at you.

“Haven’t seen that thing in years.”
“Neither have I,” You confessed. “I forgot I had it.”
He came over to where you were standing. “You got any of your old pictures?”
You gestured towards the box of albums. “I still need to get the later ones developed. I think it’d be cool to see what’s on those rolls.”

Clay picked out an album at random and flipped to the first page. There were three photos: one of Gemma and Clay in Christmas hats kissing underneath the mistletoe, one of you and Jax opening gifts that Gemma must have taken and one of Jax by himself, grinning like a fool at the camera. Your chest ached at the thought of simpler times, and judging by the look on Clay’s face, he was thinking the exact same thing. He turned to the next page which was full of photos that had been taken on the same day. There was Piney in one of the paper Christmas crowns you got from crackers, Opie and Jax playing cards at the dinner table, Gemma in the kitchen fussing over the roast and Clay looking very regal with a cigar at the head of the table. There was also a photo of you and your uncle taken by Jax, which Clay slid out of it’s spot. 

“Can I have this one?”
“Sure,” You said. “I think I’m gonna frame some of these for the house. Seems like such a waste, keeping them all shut in a box.”
“You should start taking pictures again,” He suggested. 
You’d never really thought about it. “I don’t even know why I stopped.”

Although when you thought about it, you did know why you’d stopped. You took photos of the people you loved and cared about - the people you were scared of losing - and when you moved to Colorado you left all of those people behind. For you, there was nobody worth photographing in Denver because they were all in Charming.

And here they all were, right in front of you. You lifted the camera to your face and snapped a candid shot of Chibs and Jax smoking on the porch, laughing at a shared inside joke. It was definitely one for the wall. 

“Lemonade!” Gemma called from inside the house. 

You found the strap for the camera inside the box so you could put it around your neck. Tig and Clay disappeared to get a drink and you realised just how parched you actually were. You bent over and lifted the box so it was out of the way, and when you looked up, you met Chibs’ eye as he and Jax made their way through to the kitchen. A strange feeling settled over you when he winked at you for the second time that day, but before you could unpack it, Juice came bounding down the staircase, almost knocking you out. 

He seemed to have perfect timing.

-

Later that same day, you were getting ready for the party. Everyone had gone home just an hour earlier after a big dinner at your new house cooked by you and Gemma; you had Christened the new dining table and poured over the old photo albums you’d stumbled upon, much to everyone’s amusement. Juice and Happy were  especially taken with the photographs as they’d all been struggling to picture you being a part of this unusual life they all led. But, as it turned out, you’d once fitted perfectly - before they’d even known what paths they’d take in life - and even though they didn’t say it out loud they all thought that you still fitted perfectly. Especially now that you had a bike of your own. 

You were sitting cross-legged in front of your full-length mirror doing your makeup (your vanity was one of the things that hadn’t gotten done today) and singing along to the music that was playing loudly from your home sound system, another one of the things that had sold you on the property. It was so loud that you almost missed the sound of your doorbell ringing. You paused the song and waited to see if your ears were deceiving you, which apparently they hadn’t been because the doorbell was indeed ringing. 

When you went down to open the door, you were more than just a little bit surprised by the person standing on the other side of it. 

“Sup Doc,” You forced a smile. 

You didn’t like Tara, but if she and Jax were serious about giving things another shot then you would tolerate her. If Jax could forgive her (and you) for splitting, then you supposed you could too. Maybe. She held a bunch of flowers out to you and you took them.

“Little homecoming gift,” She said. “This place is gorgeous.”
“Thanks. They say home is where the heart is.”
“Your writing has really taken off then?”
“Majorly,” You told her about all of your books and some upcoming deals you had with publishing houses. “Hey, do you wanna come in? I’m getting ready for Bobby’s party, but we can talk at the same time.”
Tara smiled. “Sure.”

You were surprised by how easily you and Tara fell back into step. You spent the next hour catching each other up on everything you’d missed since you’d both moved away from Charming, and you started to wonder whether it might be easier than you were expecting to forgive her. You arranged for dinner and cocktails the following week to talk some more. 

“You’re really not gonna come to the club with me?”
Tara laughed nervously. “It’s really not my scene. Plus, me and Jax aren’t in the best place, we need to sit down and talk properly before I start showing up at the club.”
You rolled your eyes. “I don’t give a fuck about Jax, I’m inviting you. So will you come? Please? I’d kill to have another girl around.”
She smiled genuinely and you could tell that she was relieved that you both seemed to be on the same page again. “Fine, fine. I’ll come.”

-

You and Tara started turning heads the minute you pulled into the lot. It was like being sixteen again. She was on the back of your Harley and you had to admit, you’d done an amazing job with her hair and makeup. You’d also lent her one of your favourite tops, and she looked great in it. Clay and Tig were having a hostile-looking conversation with a pompous looking asshole in a suit, so you and Tara went straight inside to get some beers. Jax spotted you first and started waving you over, but then he saw Tara and stopped. He seemed shocked to see the two of you together and you couldn’t really blame him. Tara went over to speak to him and you took the opportunity to welcome Bobby home. 

“Munson!” You yelled. 
He turned around and when he saw that it was you, he gave you a huge bear hug. “Thanks for coming, Y/N.”
“You really think I’d miss this? Hell no. Let me get you a beer.”
“Oh, he moved on from beer a little while ago,” Chibs appeared at your side, smirking knowingly. “He might be better suited to a round of shots.”
You grinned. “Shots for everyone then,” You turned around and yelled at the Prospect. “Shots for everyone, Sack!” 

You ended up spending the majority of the night heavily drinking with the guys. Tara and Jax left pretty early, probably to have that ‘chat’ Tara was talking about earlier. You and Juice were currently seeing who could down the most vodka without throwing up. You won this little competition and Juice had to sprint to the bathroom before he threw up everywhere. 

“You’re like a machine,” Half Sack said. “How can you drink that shit without puking. Tastes like gasoline.”
You shrugged. Juice had reappeared looking a little bit worse for wear. “Guess I can just handle my booze, unlike some.”
Chibs elbowed Juice. “Yer pathetic, ye know that?”
Juice rolled his eyes. “Yeah, thanks Chibs.”

Bobby - along with most of the other guys - had either disappeared with a girl or was occupied with one on a couch or table. There was a couple of crow eaters sitting on bar stools giving you the evils, probably jealous of your closeness to the Sons. You hadn’t had to whore yourself in order to get into their good graces and they seemed to have actual respect for you, something they weren’t familiar with. You ignored their glares and focused your attention on Juice who looked like he needed to puke again. 

“You look like death.” You said. 
Chibs laughed. “She’s got a point. Maybe you should call it a night, aye?”
“Yeah,” He agreed. “I’m gonna head to bed.”
“See you in the morning, Juicy,” You smiled. 
“Night, Y/N.”

Juice dragged himself off to the dorms and you took yourself outside for a cigarette. Chibs followed you and when you perched yourself on one of the picnic benches, he sat next to you. 

“That poor lad almost drank himself into a coma tryin’ to keep up with you,” He pointed out. “He really likes ya.”
This was getting harder and harder to deny. “So?”
“So, if you like him too, you should tell him,” Chibs offered you one of his cigarettes and you accepted it. “And if not, you should tell him that too. Wouldn’t want anyone getting their hopes up.”
You raised a brow. You liked Chibs, he’d been here before you left but you still didn’t know him that well. “What’s this got to do with you?”
“I like Juice, I sponsored him when he was a prospect,” Chibs explained. “He’s got a soft heart.”
“Yeah, I’m gathering that.”

You looked at Chibs, really looked at him for the first time. There was something inherently dangerous about the man that went beyond surface level things like his scars and his kutte. You could practically feel the electrical current that thrummed through his veins, the sometimes brutal strength that coursed through his blood. His dark hair was peppered with grey and when he leaned over slightly to light his cigarette, it fell into his eyes. He ran his slender fingers through it and glanced up at you, catching your gaze. 

“What?” He asked.
“Nothing,” You said. “Just thinking.”
“Thinking about what?”
“I never thought I’d be back here,” You admitted, the alcohol giving you freedom of speech. “I thought that when I left five years ago, I was turning my back on Charming.”
“And now?”
“And now I can’t even remember why I wanted to leave in the first place.”

-

End of part three

Part One: https://writer-of-mayhem.tumblr.com/post/675559203955425280/you-dont-know-her-like-i-do-part-one

The next morning, you woke up to Gemma bringing you a tray with breakfast, coffee and fresh juice on it. Your hangover wasn’t too bad since you hadn’t drunk that much, but you were extremely grateful for the meal. You thanked her and she perched at the end of your bed and drank her own cup of coffee while giving you a rundown on what she’d be getting up to that day.

“Meet me at TM at about 2:30,” She told you. “And then we’ll go to the viewing together.”
“Sounds good,” You grinned. “Anything you want me to do this morning?”
“You just worry about getting settled in, okay?”
“Okay. Hey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“What’s up?”
“Are Jax and Tara back together?” You knew he’d tell you eventually, but you didn’t want to wait to have your suspicions confirmed.
“Pretty much,” She sighed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, personally, but try telling that to Jax.”

You remembered the way things ended between the two of them all too well and it pained you to imagine him going through all of that again. If Tara was here to stay then fine, but if she planned on packing up and splitting again, you’d personally hunt her down and kill her.

“If he brings it up to me, I’ll tell him exactly what I think.”
Gemma sipped her coffee. “He might actually listen to you.”
You scoffed. “We’ll see.”
“What about you, darl? Got a special someone I should know about?”

You shovelled a forkful of scrambled eggs into your mouth and thought about a possible answer to that question. There had been someone, but it hadn’t ended well for anyone involved and the breakup was one of the things that had pushed you into making the decision to move back to Charming. As much as you wanted to talk to Gemma about all of this - she always was the one to go to whenever you needed to get anything off your chest - you didn’t know whether it was a good time, and you didn't’ want her to think that it was the only reason you’d come home.

“Nobody,” You said. “Thank God. Haven’t got the energy for any men in my life right now. They’re far too much work.”
“Amen to that,” She offered you a sympathetic smile. “The prospect seemed to take a shine to you.”
“Half-sack? He’s cute, but not my type.”
“Probably for the best. He just got his heart broken.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” She shook her head. “It’d take me all damn day to tell you that story. Plenty of time for that.”
“2:30 at TM?”
“Yes, I’ll see you then.”

You finished your breakfast and got ready for the day, taking your time to shower, do your hair and put a little bit of makeup on. You’d almost forgotten how to dress for the hot, Californian summers, but you found a pair of blue denim Dickies overalls in your chest of drawers, one of the many things you hadn’t taken with you to Colorado. Underneath, you threw on a white bralette since it was too warm for much else and then you laced up your Docs. Since you had a few hours to kill before your house viewing, you decided to head over to Opie’s to see Donna and the kids.

There were two bikes on the drive which meant that both Opie and Jax were there. Donna opened the door and beamed when she saw that it was you. “Y/N!” She pulled you in for a hug. “Ope said you were back! I didn’t know whether to believe him or not.”
“Well, here I am,” You grinned. “How you been?”
“Oh, you know, gettin’ by. How about you?”
“Pretty good. Got sick of the mountains.”
You followed her through to the kitchen where she was preparing lemonade. “Want some?”
“Please. Jax and Ope out back?”
“Yeah, they’re digging through all our old baby shit, trying to find some stuff for Abel. He’s coming home soon.”
“I never thought I’d see the day where Jax had a kid.”
“Neither did I,” She replied. “I think it’ll be good for him. It was for Opie, kinda forced him to pull his head out of his ass.”
You laughed. “Yeah, having kids seems to have that effect on men.”

You caught up while Donna finished making the lemonade and then you helped her take a couple of glasses out to the guys. When Jax and Opie saw you, they both kissed your forehead by way of greeting.

“What are you doing here?” Jax asked.
“Came to see Donna,” You explained. “Find anything for the baby?”
“Yeah, crib and a carseat. How much you want for this stuff, Ope?”
Opie waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it.”

Both you and Jax noticed Donna flinch at this, so you struck up a conversation with Opie while Jax gave Donna some cash on the down low. You offered him a cigarette from your pack and lit one for yourself, listening to Opie talk about his job chipping wood and how much he hated it. You suspected it would only be a matter of time before he jacked it in and went back to the club full time, but you kept this thought to yourself.

“What about you, are you working on anything new?”
“Got a couple new ideas,” You said. “Thinking of writing a book about Charming and all of the crazy shit that happens.”
Opie grinned. “We better get some of the royalties.”
“Of course, I’ll split it 50/50 with the club.”
You and Opie sat down on the decking and smoked your cigarettes. “So, why are you really back?” He asked. “Last time we spoke you were doing just fine. Didn’t you have a boyfriend?”
You swallowed thickly. “That’s over. He was an asshole.”
Opie raised a brow. “Why?”
Out of everyone, Opie was the one you felt most comfortable with and you used to share everything growing up, but you knew you had to be careful about how you phrased this because you knew he’d get on his bike and go and tear your ex’s head off. “We fought a lot, he got physical a few times and I just knew I had to get out of there before I did something stupid like marry him.”
“Shit Y/N, why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“Can you imagine?” You snorted. “Jax, Clay and Gemma would have all been in prison right next to you if I’d told them.”
“Good point. Still wish you hadn’t gone through that all alone.”
“Me too,” You sighed and rested your head on his shoulder. “I got pregnant.”
“You what?”
You looked to Jax and Donna to make sure they weren’t listening. “I couldn’t stand the thought of raising a kid with him, and I wasn’t ready to do it on my own, so I got rid of it.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s why you’re back?” He murmured, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.
“Too many bad memories in Denver. I had to get out, come back and be with my family.”
“For what it’s worth, I think it’s good that you’re back.”
“Me too, Ope. Me too.”

-

You left your bike at TM while you and Gemma went to view your potential new house on the other side of town. It was a gorgeous little place, three bedrooms, two bathrooms and tons of outdoor space. You planned on turning one of the guest bedrooms into a home office where you could write and the garage was more than big enough for you to work on your bike when you needed to. Sure, you could afford a bigger place, but you didn’t need it. Gemma seemed to agree that it was pretty much perfect for you, and the estate agent told you that you could collect the keys at the end of the week. With that, you were officially the owner of real estate in Charming, and you couldn’t be more relieved. On the drive back to TM, you and Gemma discussed shipping the rest of your belongings to California, colour schemes for the bedrooms and which bedroom she’d sleep in when she needed a break from Clay. You felt lighter than you had in months and even though you’d grown up in Charming, it was a fresh start for you, a way to put all of the shit you’d dealt with over the last year behind you.

“Abel comes home in a few days,” She said. “I’m throwing a party.”
“I’d expect nothing less.”
“You gonna be there?”
“Of course I’ll be there. Jax made me Abel’s Godmother.”
“He did?”
“Yeah, yesterday when we went to the hospital.”
Gemma smiled fondly. “Abel’s lucky to have you. You’re gonna make a great mother someday.”
You flinched. “Thanks, Gem.”

When you got back to TM, it was pretty much empty. The guys were on club business so you asked Gemma if you could use one of the bays to tinker with your bike for a couple hours until they got back, and of course she said yes. You made yourself some coffee and went to work, thankful to have something to keep you occupied for a while. When you worked on your bike, your mind didn’t have a lot of places it could run to, so it kept your thoughts in check and prevented you from spiralling, something that you were in danger of doing a lot these days. You hardly looked up from your bike for the next few hours and by the time you heard the familiar rumble of engines coming into the lot, it was well past five.

Juice appeared beside you, startling you slightly. He was admiring your Harley, watching you work on it.

When you locked eyes, he checked himself. “Sorry,” He grinned. “It really is beautiful.”
“It’s alright. I know.” You mirrored his contagious smile and his seemed to grow. 
“I was gonna work on mine,” He mentioned. “Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all. Sorry, I kinda set up shop.”
“S’okay. Just don’t tell Tiggy that you’re using his tools.”
“Tiggy can kiss my ass.”

That’s how you ended up spending the entire evening with Juice Ortiz, working on your bikes, cracking open a few beers, ordering some pizza and getting to know each other. You liked how easy it was to be yourself around him, how comfortable he made you feel. He was kind hearted and soft in nature and talking with him quieted your deafening intrusive thoughts to a low murmur. He told you about his past, how he came to be a Son and how he felt about being a part of the MC, and in turn you told him about your childhood in Charming and the first few years in Colorado, bulldozing over the parts about your abusive ex. From one of the picnic benches outside of the clubhouse, Jax and Opie watched this entire exchange.

“You think he likes her?” Opie asked.
“Probably, but Y/N would eat him alive.”
They both laughed. “She told me some pretty heavy shit earlier. She was seeing a guy but he turned out to be a shithead.”
Jax’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“He used to beat on her. She downplayed it, but I think it was pretty serious. Must have been for her to pack up and move back to Charming.”
“Can we find out who it was?” Jax growled. “Denver isn’t that far.”
“Y/N would flip her shit,” Opie shook his head. “If she wanted us to do something about it, she would have told us about it when it was happening.”
“I don’t like the idea of this guy getting away with it.”
“Neither do I, but we gotta respect her judgement.”
“Juice might be good for her,” Jax contemplated.
“Maybe.”

You felt your brothers’ eyes on you and turned around. It was obvious that they were talking about you, and when Jax looked at Juice and then back at you with a subtle wink, you flipped him off. Juice didn’t catch any of this, thankfully.

“I’m gonna head home,” He told you. “Got an early start.”
You nodded. “I won’t be far behind you,” He started packing up his tools as you had no idea what came over you, but you found yourself asking, “You going to Abel’s homecoming party?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
“Cool,” You smiled. “I’ll see you there.”
“Not if I see you first.”

Juice shrugged into his kutte and put on his helmet, giving you a small wave as he pulled out of the garage. As soon as he turned the corner, Opie, Jax and Tig approached you, shit-eating grins spread across their faces. You already knew what was coming.

“You and Juicey, huh?” Tig probed. “Clay is gonna cut his head off.”
“No, not ‘me and Juicey,’” You argued, wiping your oily hands on the front of Tig’s shirt. “I’ve only just met him.”
“That’s never stopped anyone before,” He smirked.
“Well, it stops me. I’m not looking for anything serious.”
“That’s what they all say.”
You chose to ignore Tig, which seemed to be the best way to deal with him. “Jax, I’m gonna head out. Can we go and see Abel?”
“Course, babe,” He wrapped his arm around your waist. “I’m picking Tara up anyway.”
“Mhm. You and the Doc seem to be getting pretty cosy again.”
“Don’t you start, you sound just like my mother.”
“I’m gonna choose to take that as a compliment.”

-

The next few days passed by relatively quickly. You spent most of your time helping out at the garage, whether that be doing paperwork and admin stuff with Gemma or working on the cars with Juice and the Prospect. The club seemed to be knee-deep in bullshit and you didn’t see a whole lot of them, but everyone made sure to be there for Abel’s coming home party. It had been a long time since you’d been to Jax’s house and it was a lot tidier than the last time you’d been there thanks to Gemma.

When you walked in with Jax and Abel, the whole room broke out into cheers and you had to swallow the ginormous lump that had formed in your throat; you’d forgotten just how tight-knit of a family you’d left behind, the way they celebrated each other’s milestones as though they were celebrating one of their own. Jax was cradling his baby in his arms, introducing him to anybody that hadn’t met him yet, and you stood back and let him have his moment. It surprised you just how natural Jax was with Abel, how quickly he’d adapted to the role of a father, because the last time you’d seen him he was about as mature as an eighteen year old boy, maybe even less so. Juice came and stood next to you, following your gaze to Jax and Abel.

“You want kids someday?” You asked by way of greeting.
“Probably,” He replied. “Makes me want one, you know? Seeing Jax like that.”
You nodded. “He made me Abel’s godmother.”
“Really? That’s great.” Juice beamed.
“Yeah, I couldn’t quite believe it.”
“Do you want kids?”
You cursed yourself internally. It was your own fault for bringing the topic up. “Maybe if I find the right person to have them with.”
Juice agreed. “Must be scary. Bringing a life into the world and being responsible for them for the rest of yours.”
“That’s very deep,” You looked at him. “I need a fucking drink.”
He chuckled. “I’ll get you a beer.”
“Thanks, Juicey.”

He fetched you both a bottle of beer and gestured towards the couch. You ended up being sandwiched between Juice and Piney, which made for some interesting conversation. It was nice to catch up with the old man after so long and you could tell that he’d missed having you around. In some ways, you’d been closer to him than Clay growing up, probably because you spent so much time at Opie’s.

“I bought copies of all your books,” Piney smiled fondly. “Don’t read much, but I read all yours.”
Maybe it was hormones or maybe you were overwhelmed with all the emotions that came with being home, but you felt like crying again. “What did you think?”
“I liked ‘em all, always knew you’d make it big someday.”
“Thanks, Piney. I’ll come over and sign all your copies.” You grinned.
“Don’t let your ego get away from you, now,” He ruffled your hair, just like he used to when you were a kid.

The party went on for hours. At one point, you found yourself on the couch holding Abel and catching up with your Uncle Clay. Everything was going fine, despite the fact that Wendy was at the party, shooting daggers at Jax and Tara the entire time. You suspected it had caused a fight between the two since they’d disappeared a little while ago and nobody had seen either of them since. As the night wore on, people gradually started to head home. You were staying to help clean up, so you remained on the couch with the baby, attempting to have a civil conversation with Wendy without ripping her head off.

Donna came over with the two kids who each gave baby Abel a kiss. “Y/N, I’m just taking these two home but then I’m comin’ back to help clean up, okay?”
“Sure thing. Gem said she needs dishwasher tablets, do you think you could grab some on the way back?”
“Yeah no worries. I’ll only be fifteen minutes or so.”
You smiled at her. “Okey dokey.”

When Donna left, you handed the baby over to Wendy and went to find Jax. He was standing outside having a smoke, clearly pissed off after his fight with Tara. He handed you a cigarette without saying a word and you accepted it, digging around in your pocket for your lighter until he handed you his.

“Thanks,” You mumbled.
“No worries.”
You cleared your throat, unsure of how best to go about this. “So, you and Tara picking up where you left off?”
“Tryin’ to.”
“How’s it going?”
“We’re figurin’ it out as we go,” He explained. “I suppose there’s always gonna be that voice in the back of my head telling me that she’s gonna leave again.”

You liked that you and Jax were still able to talk in this unfiltered way like you used to when you were younger; it proved that your relationship was pretty much bulletproof if you could go five years without seeing one another and still have deep chats over a smoke.

“Yeah, but that’s to be expected,” You assured him. “Why’d she come back?”
“You gotta promise not to tell anyone.” He said.
You narrowed your eyes but held out your pinky. After a beat, he looped his through yours. “I promise.”
“She came back to get away from this creepy fed who was stalking her. This was the only place she felt safe.”
You let out a long breath of smoke. “Shit. She’s always running from something.”
“Yep.”
“So what happened to the fed?” Jax gave you a stern look which was all the information you needed. “Ah.”
“You came back at a weird time.”
“It would seem that way.”
Jax put an arm around your shoulder and you wrapped yours around his waist, leaning into the hug. “It’s good to have you back.”
“It’s good to be back.”

You felt at peace, like your heart and soul were finally beginning to mend now that you were home. Millions of stars littered the night sky, shining down on you like well-wishes, and you allowed yourself to get lost in your brother’s embrace; there was nothing quite as comforting in the whole entire world.

But you should have known not to get too comfortable, because not ten minutes later Jax’s phone rang.

Donna had been killed.

-

End of part two