#over sexualizing touch
I hate the whole backlash like ‘you say touch starved but you actually just mean horny’ NO I mean when I was getting my hair cut there was a moment where the hairdresser tilted my head to the side and the top of my head brushed his chest and my brain short circuited with endorphins because it thought I was being held
Because casual, platonic affection is so taboo in our society that whenever anyone wants to hold a friend’s hand or snuggle on the couch, it is automatically assumed they must be after sex. This is especially true if the person in question was socialized as a man.
relating all physical affection to sex really messes with people’s need for physical contact with others. it teaches us to isolate ourselves and deny ourselves critical interactions lest we be mistaken for pursuing sex. this is really isolating for people who are sex-indifferent, sex-repulsed, or asexual, but it affects everyone.
This is exactly why I hold the theory that a large part of why men in our society always seem so obsessed with sex is because it’s one of the only culturally acceptable ways men are allowed to experience physical affection and connection.
I didn’t realize I was asexual until I was in my 50s (mainly because I didn’t know that was an option), but with hindsight, I realize I’ve been ace all my life. I’ve never craved sexual contact with another person.
But there was a period when I was in grad school (where we weren’t allowed to have pets, so I was missing my daily kitty-cuddles), that I was so touch-starved that I nearly broke down in tears writing a scene in a short story, where a surrogate grandfather holds the hand of a five year old. And I had to stop writing and take several deep breaths to stop shaking.
So, no, it’s not just being horny.
