#pardon me while i rant

So I’ve been doing a lot better lately. I’ve started working with a trainer, rebuilding some of my muscle mass after years of weight fluctuations absolutely decimating me. I’m even starting a new job next week!

But this week, I also ran out of pain medication early for the first time in *awhile* (stupid taper combined with a couple of rough spurts earlier in the month) and I’m being reminded VERY CLEARLY this week just how much chronic pain I still live with. 

Honestly, it’s not like I had forgotten…per se, but when you’ve had a good pain management arrangement for a long time, losing it for more than a day or two is really, really hard.

And sometimes the worst part feels like the fact that I can’t talk about it with people w/o being labeled an addict. Or people immediately thinking I’m “sick again” and saying “oh but I thought you were doing so much better”. I am doing better…but the pain has not magically gone away. It’s probably NEVER going away.

UUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!