.explanations

rkpjs​:

pj froze, feeling insensitive for the comments he had made moments before. as much as he felt like he wanted a brother of his own, he wouldn’t want one at any cost. his parents were happy together—or at least, they would be, if only pj hadn’t messed that up. now, his dad was all the way in another country working on his own, while his mom had to stay in seoul with him and his sisters. it wasn’t fair that he was part of the reason she wasn’t off on some grand adventure with the love of her life, and pj hated that he felt like he was to blame.

having zoned out momentarily, he pushed those thoughts aside, trying to regain focus on what was in front of him: eric. “yeah, yeah,” he answered, not entirely sure what he was saying it in response to. he tried to replay eric’s words in his mind, and, for the most part, he felt he had a pretty good idea of what the older was trying to say. eric continued to speak, only now pj was listening more intently, making sure that he wouldn’t zone out again.

“wait, hold up—you think he’d be angry that you accidentally found something out together?” pj questioned, setting down the controller as he turned his gaze to eric. “haven’t you ever heard that you shouldn’t shoot the messenger? it’s the same concept here. i don’t think jeno’s the type of guy to blame you. it’s not your fault that his da—i mean, your dad was a grade a jerk.” nice catch, pj. “that’s on him, no one else. i mean, dude, you weren’t even born, so what could you have done to stop it?”

eric notices who pj goes a little quiet, and he worries he’s made things awkward. stuff like this is sort of personal, maybe a little too personal. he’s always been comfortable sharing things with people he really trusts and cares about, at least some things. but what if pj isn’t comfortable hearing the negative details of everything that had gone down. sure, there was a lot to be happy about regarding the situation, but eric would argue there was more to be unhappy about, especially for jeno and his family. 

pj stumbling over who’s dad to label him as makes eric notice how he’s solely been talking about him as if he was only jeno’s dad. he’s the father of both of them but somehow eric feels as though jeno has a more legitimate claim to him. he has to stop himself remembering all the weekends they’d spend together when he was young in LA, because he knows that through this situation he might lose him as a father figure and remember their happiest times together only succeeds in making him sad. 

he sighs. pj’s right, but eric can’t help but feel guilty. jeno’s family lived in blissful ignorance until he had to come and mess it up - what if they’d have rather stayed that way? “i guess… i just… had i not seen the picture, or said anything about it when i did, maybe their family wouldn’t be all messed up.” his voice is a lot smaller now, as he can’t help but keep the guilt and shame out of his voice. it’s easier to blame himself, especially when he thinks about how jeno’s mum and sister will likely no longer welcome him into their home as they’ve been doing for months now already. “i just… i don’t get why he did it? he had a pregnant wife at home, yet he still… he still cheated. now i don’t think i’ll be invited back to jeno’s house again…”

.explanations

rkpjs·:

playing games with friends was one of pj’s favorite pastimes. it gave him a way to be social while also doing something that he loved—it was a sweet deal, he thought. so it was only natural that he and eric found themselves sat playing one of pj’s favorite multiplayer games, having lighthearted conversations about whatever ridiculousness they could get themselves into. he found that he enjoyed it quite a bit, and, for a split second, he found himself wondering if they should invite others to come join in on the fun.

that was, at least, until their conversation became slightly more personal. pj listened, nodding his head before letting out an amused chuckle. what would it be like if he realized he was the one with a brother out there somewhere? “listen, that’s actually super cool,” he replied, eyes remaining glued to the screen as they continued to play. “i’ve wanted a brother for like—ever. do you know how awesome that is? and it’s not like he was just some random guy out in the world… you got to be brothers with one of your best friends.” for a moment, pj wanted to frown, but he stopped himself. as much as he wanted a brother of his own, he knew that something like this didn’t come without consequences. “i mean, what are the odds of that?”

eric feels as though he can’t be fully happy, despite it being something he’d spent his entire life dreaming of. for eric to get the siblings he’s always wanted jeno’s family has to fall apart. it doesn’t seem like a fair trade. eric wants to enjoy it, now that he’s able to experience the realities of having siblings, but it’s difficult to when he feels as though he’s partly to blame for jeno’s family having to deal with the fact his dad cheated on his mum. 

“yeah, i have too.” he admits, though the happiness he should be feeling is nowhere to be seen. eric sighs, trying to split his focus between the game and the conversation. “but for me to get a brother it ruined jeno’s family…” his voice is somewhat quiet towards the end, a feeling of guilt and shame creeping up his throat. “it’s great for me, but for jeno? what if he’s angry at me for making the truth come out?” jeno doesn’t seem angry, and he wasn’t mad at eric when they realised what the photograph and eric’s question about it meant. 

“not that he acted angry, because he didn’t, but what if he was just being nice to me? what if he blames me and wishes i’d never said anything so they never had to know about what his dad did?” he’s found himself talking about jeno’s dad as if he wasn’t also his dad as well, as though he’d cut off his familial feelings towards his father in favour of preserving jeno’s family. he was always jeno’s dad more than eric’s anyway, he thinks.

starter for @rkpjs!

eric rarely gets to play video games that aren’t cheap switch games or ones that he managed to get at a hefty discount. his switch lite wasn’t even bought by himself, but a gift by a far too generous friend. his laptop isn’t built for gaming either, so his ability to play games is incredibly limited. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love games though, in fact he really loves gaming when he gets the opportunity, but unlike a lot of guys his age he never had the chance to play console games growing up since they never had the money for them. 

so, usually he watches playthroughs of games he’s interested in, trying to live vicariously through them. that is unless he’s invited over to play with someone - which is exactly what he’s gone over to see pj to do. they’re sat playing a particularly good game that eric’s wanted to play for ages, but the conversation has gone from lighthearted banter about the game, to eric’s current situation. 

“i just… saw he had a picture with my dad in it in his house and was like ‘lol why do you have a picture with my dad?’ and… well yeah turns out he’s not just my dad.” eric explains. pj and jeno are friends, so it seems only right that eric explains what went down when they realised they didn’t just look strangely alike for no reason. it’s a weird thing to talk about - that mutual friend we had? yeah turns out he’s my half-brother and neither of us knew for twenty whole years of life. funny, huh?