just saw a post where someone put “detrans dni” and like… hey we should be supporting detransitioned people bc if we don’t terfs will
sometimes you’re wrong about your identity and that’s ok like i used to think i was bi but it turns out i was wrong and i know ppl who thought they were trans but it turns out they were wrong and it should be ok and accepted that sometimes people don’t get it right on the first try
This touches on something I have felt for a long time, which is that one of the reasons rigid queer labels and gatekeeping is so dangerous is because if you want to encourage people to explore their gender/sexuality, there has to be a safe “Actually I was wrong” option.
I went through so very much anxiety coming out, and when I really think about it it was squarely from the fear of being wrong about it all. That I was, at heart, a cishet woman, and therefore I was appropriating a label that didn’t ‘belong’ to me, and I would (somehow) be harming other people by doing so. There’s so much more unnecessary pressure if the sword hanging over your head is “But you do have to be right about this, you can’t back out once you’ve even asked the question.”
I think that is Bad. I think it makes fewer people ask the question. I think that includes those who need to ask, and would be much happier for it.
just saw a post where someone put “detrans dni” and like… hey we should be supporting detransitioned people bc if we don’t terfs will
sometimes you’re wrong about your identity and that’s ok like i used to think i was bi but it turns out i was wrong and i know ppl who thought they were trans but it turns out they were wrong and it should be ok and accepted that sometimes people don’t get it right on the first try
@gothhowl yeah… trial and error is an amazing way of putting it
If it helps - I’ve changed several times in my life, and I wouldn’t be very surprised if I changed again.
Sexuality and gender were always meant to be areas and spectra, not fixed categories. They may evolve as we gradually know ourselves and others better and also as we go through life experiences.
Also, identities come with a whole set of implications and expectations, and we may want to embrace some of them while we question others because they don’t feel “right” or “representative” for us in particular. There are endless ways to be queer.
If anything, it is useful to remember that what we have in common is the social stigmata usually associated with LGBTQ+ communities and the phobias they leave us with. No matter how much you want to regard this as a private matter, any social/political issues will affect you deeply. They will affect how others perceive you and treat you, and they will definitely affect your life choices.
Labels aren’t scientific classifications, they’re identities. It’s OK if some labels overlap and you identify with one and not another. It’s OK if some labels describe you and you don’t identify with them.
