(disclaimer, using herbo for she/hers, himbo for he/hims, and thembo for krobus. bimbo will also be used, but only in a loving manner)
Leah: Veering dangerously into herbo territory,, but just a little too smart and a smidge too mean, I think. She’s just a vaguely nice jock. Would punch you, but would also offer you a cookie if your dog was sick.
Haley:Honestly just too mean. Very much within jock territory. I love her dearly, but she would absolutely shove you into a trashcan and fuck your sister.
Penny:I mean… She’s too smart. She’s sort of in bimbo territory if you push it, but honestly she’s just Penny.
Abigail:Herbo for sure. Eats rocks, fights god, respects women. Couldn’t ask for more.
Maru:Again, the intelligence problem, but… complicated. When it comes to life skills, though, she could count. I always sort of pictured her as, like, could find a cure for cancer literally while sleeping, but takes the pizza out of the oven with her bare hands. Or invents some kind of mechanical pizza piel so she doesn’t have to grab it, before she is shown that no, honey, just use a towel. Also, she’s ripped and no one can tell me otherwise. Herbo for sure.
Emily:Too smart. She knows the secrets of the universe. In a category of her own.
Elliott:Unpopular opinion, but I think Elliott should be this big stupid poof of a man. He knows so many words, but he hasn’t a clue what they mean. Would make a spectacular malewife.
Harvey:For once, a man is too smart. I mean… he just seems like he wouldn’t eat a rock on a dare. He’s just a little too responsible. He falls comfortably into the ‘decent man, better dad’ category.
Alex:Oh, come on. I don’t need to explain this.
Sam:…Honestly? My guy’s literally just a bimbo. Pretty, respectful, and devastatingly stupid, yet not strong in the slightest.
Sebastian:Too mean, too smart, and too scrawny to be a himbo. He’s just a bitch, I think.
Shane:…Jock. He’s a little too mean to be a himbo- at least at first, or to the majority of the population- but he’s inarguably beefy, and… not the brightest. Again, jock.
Krobus:A little too scrawny and smart to be a proper thembo, but bimbo-adjacent. They eat glass and respect women. I’d just call them a sweetie.
SORRY FOR THE AWFUL QUALITY I NEEDED THIS IDEA OUT OF MY HEAD AND ONTO PAPER IMMEDIATELY,,thank you @rascal-roseforthis post that inspired me to do this
Are you telling me… Demetrius did surgery on a grape…
[ID: a screenshot of a stardew valley villager’s request. it reads: Delivery Looking to dissect Grape. Please deliver to Demetrius at 24 Mountain Road. 240g on deliver. Demetrius will be thankful. Bring Demetrius Grape. /end ID]
