#ren stimpy

gerbilfluff:

his number one fan

This is a link to a free downloadable copy of a poetry zine that took me three years to write.

his number one fan v3.pdf

I give it to the world, because I never knew what being in a MeToo media spotlight would be like. If this little zine of mine could help anyone else in a similar situation… I’d like that very much.

Everything in this story is true. I’ll warn you, it’s not a happy story. To be quite honest, it’s fucking brutal in parts. Please mind your own emotional wellness, and watch out for the tr\gger warnings listed. I want you safe MORE than I want anyone to finish reading this.

But I’m so very grateful to be able to say, this story has a happy ending.

TR\GGER WARNINGS: CS/A, including vague and warned-for mention of violent CS/A. Suic/de attempt. Abort/on mention. Doxx/ng mention.

I’m reblogging this for the anon who simply put “JOHN K????” in an ask to me. Yup, thatasshole.

…Allegedly.

I just realized, though, that because of the agreement I made with the distributor who was going to sell print copies of the above zine nationwide, who pulled out of the deal at the last minute due to lack of initial sales, I’ve systematically deleted any trace of this part of my life off the Internet since last July.

So I’m saying it here, under the cut, so there’s a record of what he and I allegedlydid, out there. Not much of one, but enough to lend my own personal support to the fact that this one guy messed with A LOT of young girls. Many more than have publicly been reported, both in the original BuzzFeed news article, and in the related 2020 documentary, “Happy Happy Joy Joy: the Ren & Stimpy Story.”

Before I begin, I need to say that technically, I burned all my evidence against this guy when I was 16, so he wasn’t able to be convicted for anything he and I did. So technically, I have to say these are alleged crimes I’m recounting, or I could be sued for libel. Because justice doesn’t always work out the way you thought it might.

Allegedly, John Kricfalusi had been exchanging letters with me since the one I mailed him when I was 12.

Allegedly, when I was 14, John began sending requests for a photo of me, which I declined to send (though an image of me was then searchable online under my name, due to my high school’s A/V club– an image that, including my hairstyle, had me looking curiously similar to the character Sody Pop, which he debuted around this time– though I’ve dropped that lawsuit, and have no intention of picking it back up, because lawyers, I know now, are VERY EXPENSIVE).

Allegedly, when I was 16, he included his AOL Instant Messenger handle in what ended up being his final letter to me. AIM was just getting started, around then. Using a burner account I’d made without my parents’ knowledge, I allegedly stayed up late one night and messaged him.

Allegedly, John confirmed that I was, in fact, 16, and quickly turned the topic to whether I had a boyfriend or not, and then, whether I had “any experience” yet. I told him, truthfully, that I did, with several older men, by that age.

Allegedly, he wanted to hear everything.

Butallegedly, I was hesitant to tell him about my previous abuses, as he was the first grown-up I’d ever told about them.

Allegedly, he replied, I voice Ren, you know. Would you want to tell him what you did? Here’s the numbers to dial.

Ren was my favorite character ever, up until that point. I even said in one of my letters to John, that I loved Ren, and I meant it, as much as any teenager could ever love a thing.

So,allegedly, I dialed that number. Knowing full well what was probably going to happen, on the other end of that line. I loved that character so much.

And that night, allegedly, I acted out the numerous abuses that had been done to me by other men, with “Ren.” Allegedly, I even begged John at one point to continue. I should note again here, I was 16, which is under the federal age of consent.

Weallegedly kept going, until I had what I now know to be a trauma flashback, after which I hung up, and ran to the nearest bathroom to throw up.

Allegedly, when I tried messaging him on AIM again, his response was, Who are you again?

To which, I deleted the AOL account, joined several fan message boards for Ren & Stimpy, on which I posted nothing, and several weeks later, upon getting my driver’s license, attempted to end my own life.

To this day, he has denied having any contact with me. Despite my having the one, first letter of his I didn’t burn– my parents had framed it and kept in a closet– until after Byrd’s and Rice’s testimony against John in 2018, when I could no longer deny my past.

When I gave that letter, and my official report, to my hometown’s police department in 2019, it was determined that the letter appeared “harmless,” and thus, was not to be used as evidence of any crime. My case was thrown out that same day.

I say all this, so that my record of my past history with this man will be out there, somewhere.

And now that I’ve posted all this, I’d really rather not talk about that old hack, or our time together, ever again. Let it rest here, behind a random Tumblr cut, and rot along with him.

I am so very glad that I, and others whose lives were changed by this man, still exist, today, and are thriving, despite our pasts.

And, along with the document linked above: these are the entirety of my thoughts on the subject.

Thank you for reading all that. Now, let’s move on. :3

I think I’m starting to get the hang of drawing Stimpy.