IF HE WAS REALLY HONEST WITH HIMSELF he probably didn’t want her to go just like that. not after he met her with such apathy towards the whole situation. his tone was beyond unflattering, and he marveled at the fact she met him with such softness and understanding. it showed her character and the person she could be when she wasn’t plagued by pain,worryoranger.
yet, tenjiro kirinji didn’t know how to convey such emotions ; locked away deep within himself. he wasn’t the type to ask someone to stay. he didn’t like others doing it. considered them weak if they did. a trait he had to work on, he told himself centuries ago. but it’s hard to change who you were for so long for the sake of just a single person. there was just no bigger picture as of yet. no promise of gaining something if he did. a selfish way of thinking ; he knew that. and he didn’t want her to know about it either.
❝ look, i’m not— ❞ he sighed and slowly turned around. ❝ ‘m not the right person t’ talk to at the moment, y’ get that? no disrespect but— ❞ his reiatsu grew and shrank repeatedly. he struggled with himself to stay composed. it was probably for the best for her to leave. or rather… for him. ❝ i’ll take a walk later. ❞ he said.
‘you can’t fix everything. but it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t try.’
tenjiro didn’t know if that was an insult or not. he didn’t have the talent to understand if a woman flattered him or if what she said was just an annoyed remark. one of the reasons he stopped dating ages ago. women were a weird breed that never knew what they wanted. but all he knew was that whatever it was, it was his fault. ❝ y’ should go back to yer squad, senjumaru. ❞ he sighed ; his eyes eventually meeting hers.
She can tell, feel the roiling thoughts, emotions in him that are behind a stoic face. In truth, she’s not much different. She’s never really known what her true thoughts are when it comes to being with, connecting to, healing someone else’s psyche—she’s just terrified of being left alone, so choosing to be alone was safe. It had to be. But this was a much more permanent world—she’s not sure how to make this be safe, even though that’s why she was here, building it. Building it with him…a place for her..them…anyone to be safe.
The fluctuations in his energy are things that she knows well, he seems to ebb and flow, or rather surge, like her own moods. Her fiery core that could destroy more than she’s ever built. But the wording makes her smile, just a twinge.
“I don’t think there’s ever a right person to talk to,” she says. “And I’m not even asking you to talk. After all…what is there to say?” She takes in a breath before letting it go, and fixes her expression into an introspective frown. “This is why I never have any female friends. So much talking about things that are inconsequential, just to fill empty space. There’s no point, when presence is a gift of its own, often wasted in favor of petty sound.”
She merely stands there with her arms crossed now, hidden within her haori. It’s strange, she feels. She’s not posturing or trying to bend him into something, though in most cases, she’d have left long ago. When he meets her eyes, speaks…she doesn’t move.
“Ishould do a lot of things, but unless I get a good reason why…I don’t give a rat’s ass.”
She looks at him with her stiff stance, posture that’s always radiated power, even though without her shoes and clothing, she’s so small and fragile compared to nearly any other soldier in his or her command.
“Come on, lets go. You don’t need to be here either. If I don’t want to be anywhere near you, then I’ll make that decision when you’re far away from here.” She shakes her head, thinking about Yamamoto storming off. “He’s suchanasshole. You could have raised any idea to him—let alone one that might actually help people…but if he didn’t come up with it, you might as well forget it.”
HE DIDN’T REACT TO HER WORDS. he couldn’t. even if he knew that she was just as genuine about conveying them. he could tell that she tried to word them with as much caution as possible. and he was surprised to realized that to say the least. did he matter that much to her, for a woman as graceful as her to pay attention to how she said something to him? his eyes could still not find hers and his fists clenched. this whole momentum with yamamoto upset the healer like crazy and if it wasn’t for her sake, he would have punched a hole into the wall before him, the size of two skyscrapers.
❝ yeah well i’m not like that! ❞ he muttered under his breath with an angry tone. still not directed at her but he couldn’t just turn it off. he heard her. he wanted her to know that he did, even without looking. but he felt his body wanting some release. ANYTHING. just a means to get off this tension that seemed to build up so heavily inside of him. shutara didn’t make it any easier either. she was a fragile woman. at least physically at this point. his blow ups could cause serious damage to her physique. he couldn’t risk having her near him when he gave way to his pure emotions. retsu was the only one at this point who he let get near him in such moments. who he fought sometimes too. just to be at ease. it was their little secret. for now. for ever.
❝ sorry but i’m— ❞ just how did you tell someone you wanted them gone… he didn’t care about that stuff with anyone else around. but it was getting harder the more time he spent with her, to come up with the right words. somehow, he figured, she’d grown on him just like he did on her, for him to want to think of what to say and how to say it before opening his mouth around her.
❝ i think i need some air. ❞ said tenjiro without moving. he kept facing the wall. that cold, plain white wall. he wished he could turn off his head and be just like that wall instead of giving a damn about how people treated other people. but if you were confronted with the results of it every single day and witnessed the effects it had on them… it’s driving you crazy at some point. you gotta change something. you gotta stop people from killing each other all the time.
He’s deeply angry. She knows well that if he’s feeling things this strongly, he’s not able to exert fine control. His fists clench and she wears concern on her brow, soft lines forming in the skin between them.
“I know,” she says, voice soft.
She knows that it’s a risk, but she reaches up, placing a hand on his shoulder. Gently, she lets her calm flow into him a bit. From all of the work he’s done on her, fixing her bones internally along with her skin externally…she understands how it feels to have their energies intertwined. And so she does that now, not to heal physically, but to soothe.
But, she knows that it won’t fix everything, so she lets go. He can decide what to do from here, and she can make suggestions. He doesn’t have to listen or take them, and she’s doing what is polite.
“I think that’s a good idea,” she says. “Would you rather I go?” she asks. “Or do you want to go on a walk with me?”
Preferences take a long time to learn, but she wants to start learning his. She’s as gentle as she knows how to be, soft as she’s ever been.
“You can’t fix everything,” she says. “But it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t try.”
A MORE OR LESS FRIENDLY CHAT WITH THE HEADCAPTAIN turned into an argument just a few minutes later. as per usual whenever the hot spring demon talked to the old man. he had a LOT on his mind and not enough voice to make the old man understand ever so often. this guy needed the crap beaten out of him sometimes, that’s for sure. he would only ever listen when what he heard made sense to him and served him well. an attitude that tenjiro would’ve likely adopted had he been in the man’s position or continued living in rukongai all by himself, forced to steal and kill to make it out there. BUT NOT HERE AND NOT NOW!
he brought up the topic of behavior towards women among the seireitei soldiers, which had yamamoto shut off an ear immediately. so tenjiro raised his voice against him. he was admonished but didn’t give a shit. he named names. and places. he named exmaples of violence and their victims. among those, the name shutara senjumaru dropped. a coincidence, that she had been passing by in that very moment. tenjiro immediately avoided her gaze and looked past yamamoto’s face to the wall behind him. he didn’t want being caught off guard ; didn’t like being seen when upsetlike that. not because people shouldn’t know he got upset sometimes, but because people knew him strong. the last person he wanted to be vulnerable towards was a PATIENTof his.
❝ we’re done talking! ❞ said yamamoto, pushing through tenjiro and shutara with vigor and stomping away. the man was going to think about what the other accused him of and he would not forget about it for the coming weeks and for as long as tenjiro would continue to remind him of it. tenjiro was sure. …….. standing with his back to shutara, he sighed. ❝ sorry about that. we were prettty loud… ❞ if only it was just the volume of their voices though… ❝ you… weren’t supposed to hear all that. ❞
——————————————-
She approaches him, now that Yama has blustered off. Shutara has never cared for the man, and that’s part of why she’s joined forces. Sometimes more good can be done from within, and given that she’s a paragon of power, with charisma that few deny, as much as she hates this from time to time…she’ll never regret the steps that she’s taken to carve out a brave new world. She’s seen Tenjiro fight with the man from time to time, but this time…it was different.
“It’s all right,” she says. “I know that I wasn’t…but I can’t…well…” She frowns. It’s an odd mixture of feelings. Tightness in her chest. Frustration. A deep warmth that she cannot place. She looks down. The words she wants to say don’t want to form. Neither she nor Tenjiro have ever been expressive in a candid emotional way…which is why when she runs into him that way, or he runs into her, her rigid core is shaken.
After a pause she looks back up. “I appreciate it…even if I don’t really like to accept someone’s help. Especially not with something like that.” She thinks for a moment. “Most men who pretend to care have ulterior motives as well. But…I think you’re the first man who I actually believe feels this way genuinely.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “It blurs the lines in my world,” she says. It’s cryptic. But there’s things that will take time for her to say. She’s wondered many things for a very long time. He makes her afraid. Afraid of giving in, trusting, feeling something for him. But, sooner or later, she’ll have to figure out everything about him that can make her feel tied up in knots. She’s wrapped tightly, tense as a rubber band, but she wants to lose this fear.
❝YEAH? YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO’S INTO THAT? ❞ he grinned, teasing her a little. he knew a few people who definitely got off on being cut and now wondered whether she did too. quickly his gaze is back on her wound. pumping his fist every now and then and flexing his biceps to be able to apply the healing without being too tensehimself.
❝ yer my last patient today. ❞ he says. he’s been up since dawn. a good twenty hours. worked for ten. he really earned a good relaxing bath tonight and at least five hours of sleep! her tiny comment made him smirk again. whenever he thought he’d shuddup because there was no topic to talk about anymore, she came up with something else. tenjiro figured he was one of few people who actually knew her voice.
❝ wild indeed. ❞ he said, noticing how the skin finally closed and the swelling and redness disappeared. he kept poking the wound every now and then to mentally note down her reaction to it. the less she twitched, the better the healing. ❝ couldn’t get outta the house without all the chicks runnin’ after me. what a ride thatwould be. ❞
She raises an eyebrow. “A few, yes.” Shutara easily plays with him. “Some into it for the blade, others for the blood.” She leaves it there to hang in the air, ambiguous. “All of them so pretty, when tied in rope.” She holds her face deadpan now. “Why…do you want to watch? And then fix them up?” She smiles now. “No one’s really had thecourage to do the other way around…and I don’t blame them.”
He works hard to make sure that she gets the care she needs. But she knows that he’s worked all day, and is likely exhausted. “What do you do for yourself?” It’s true, most people have gone back to their places. “You’ve been on duty most of the day. Back when I left at dawn for some intel work.”
Tenjiro has always been easier for her to talk to. Someone she respects. He has her back, her side, and her front–and in this group of those with mixed moralities, she’ll not let it go.
The cuts are closed, and the inflammatory processes are quelled. He pokes at her, and she makes a face. “Hey. That kind of hurt, though. But it doesn’t feel like there is a wound there anymore. More like a bruise from your finger.” But he indulges her. “Just be sure to leave me some too. Something tells me that we attract some of the sametypes.”
Come on now try and understand The way I feel under your command Take my hand as the sun descends They can’t touch you now Can’t touch you now, can’t touch you now
HIS ARMS WRAP AROUND HER WAIST. his head moves down until his lips meet hers. as his chest heaves a little in response, muscles flex until he’s lifted her off her feet a little, holding her tight. he knows he’s scarce. he knows women that shared a past with him never liked that. she being the first to give him the feeling to accept when he’s present, as well as when he’s gone.
he is eager to make up for any lack of attention he gave her and knows that she knows that. he is willing to compensate for the time they didn’t see each other and she needn’t even ask for it. it is decided the minute their eyes lock upon pulling back from the kiss. he knows he’ll stay the whole night, come what may. with her, time is flying. always. it is bittersweet.
❝ me neither. ❞
slowly he takes her hand but letting her guide him inside. courtesy. he does not simply walk into her private chambers no matter how long their relationship has been going on. ❝ how about some sake? ❞he proposes and reveals a tiny but expensive bottle from within his haori. ❝ care for a little fun before the real funbegins?❞
He lifts her just so. It’s not as if she’s heavy or its any feat, but it’s the aesthetic of it that strikes emotion deep in her heart. Shutara has lived most of her life unbending, unbroken…but its strange, comforting that she can give herself over, never permanently, when she needs to not shoulder her heavy, heavy world for just a little while. It’s mutual as well, she can tell. As she understands him, he understands her. He well knows that she has no desire to send him away…but he’s respectful, honoring her sacred autonomy, knowing that he needs the acceptance just as deeply as she needs the recognition.
She savors the kiss until it breaks. It’s physical as well as metaphorical in how she lets herself settle down, no longer straining on her toes, merely letting herself enjoy presence now. She takes his hand that dwarfs her own natural one and leads him inside, the inner chambers of her palace and not just the elaborate foyer.
Tenjiro pulls out a bottle of sake and a smile spreads across her face.
“Of course, I’d love to have some,” she says.
Not letting go of his hand, her mechanical arms reach and prepare things. A serving set is pulled out and set on the table. Plush fabric makes the nearby couch a nice lounging area. Candles are lit and shades are drawn. She doesn’t even think about it—she merely wants to be with him, and this is a fine backdrop of a reunion.
But the couch is more or less for show. She bids him to sit down, and rather than be beside him, she sits in his lap, bottle taken and in a flash it’s poured into the decanter and two small sake cups. She offers him one while she takes the other and begins to sip. She’s generally not the type to play the good-time girl…but right now, fantasy speaks to her, and she wants nothing more than to be lusted for just as strongly as she knows she’s loved.
“Of course,” she says, sly smile. “I look forward to a night full of fun. I look forward to what happens when absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
