#seungmin smau
RIGHT THROUGH ME[prologue]
he was more than happy to see you, but that happiness doesn’t last when he realizes that his presence is still nothing but a speck of dust to you.
word count: 1.2k
masterlist | next (soon)
mastertag:@leagreenly@90s-belladonna@fuzzylard@loveliebri@chimmybaek7@todorokiskitten@lilacdreams-00@ethereallino@ninjaleeknow@trials–error@hey-i-really-miss-you@multifandomizer@aerastus@caratinylyfe@kdhvier@hibuki-chan@blaaiissee@skzoddinaries@suhnnyskiess@beaann
clack clack clack
seungmin’s expert fingers smoothly glides across the control board, having complete control of the intricate details in the scene before him—the way the spotlights dances around the stage, moving in between actors which accentuates their features and movements, how the sound effects accompany each passing moment, and how the curtains softly close after the show ends—sounds of applause filling the theatre.
it’s art. taking care of the visuals behind what goes on on the stage is something that seungmin considers as art in itself. making a show look more impactful became second nature to seungmin, something that he can do even with his eyes closed.
his professors and classmates told him he’s a genius, having a natural eye for design, and a knack for being behind the stage.
but that’s not what seungmin wanted to do. he wants to be the star—to be front and center, singing and acting in front of an audience. portraying emotion, not just highlighting them with stage lights.
but now, he’s stuck manning the cogs of the machine, having no backbone to say no whenever he’s assigned to be in the backstage crew, having no confidence to audition for parts even when he knows he has the talent.
at this point, he thinks nobody would take him seriously anymore if he even tried to audition. he’s always just been kim seungmin, the one behind the scenes, the guy who rarely speaks up, and even when he does, it’s nothing but a meek voice.
his timid persona is a huge contrast to you—a person with quiet confidence, someone who’s unapologetically yourself. your vibes give off “i don’t have to be here but i’m gracing everyone with my presence anyways” and seungmin is absolutely fucking obsessed.
the way you carried yourself, the way your lips would slowly upturn into a smirk before chuckling whenever you find something funny, the way people are naturally drawn to your magnetic charisma—wanting to be around you, simply because you’re you.
if seungmin even had an ounce of your confidence, he’d feel like he’s on top of the world. everyday, he wishes to be more like you.
the first time he saw you was back in high school, whilst everyone was stuck trying to figure out themselves during a crucial point of their upcoming adolescence, you looked like you already have your shit together, and it was awespiring
the way you spoke with confidence, the way you can talk to adults as if you were already mentally mature, the way you didn’t care about the bouts of school hierarchies. everything about you was so refreshing to seungmin, so he had watched you ever since.
always becoming a muttering mess whenever you were around, even when you had to work together for a group project. seungmin could only facepalm knowing how obvious he was for drooling over you at any moment he gets. a few years later and you’re both already in your third year of college.
when he was a freshman, he was dead set on making a name for himself—to no longer be the invisible guy. but of course, things don’t always work out in his favor, finding himself at the bottom of the social food chain once more. still, he threw himself on his studies, taking being a theatre major as serious as one can be. he became so studious that even though he only had average grades back in high school, he now became the top of his class—when it came to studies, but he still often closes up on-stage, not finding the courage to let everyone hear his angelic voice. constantly afraid of failure and embarrassment.
it wasn’t until he took a photography class in his second year did he realize that you were on the same college as him. at first he thought he was seeing things—a fragment of his past that he was so certain he already buried. but seeing you in the flesh ignited something within him, the same admiration.
how could he have not known you were studying in the same university??? he felt so stupid that he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. during the photography class, you ended up becoming a stand-in model, a favor for one of the professors because of course you’re close with them—you’ve always been on top of the social game so effortlessly.
as you stood in the center, sporting various poses so assuredly, seungmin could barely take a decent shot, already distracted out of his mind at how you didn’t care even if you looked like a fool in front of others, he was so drunk in your confidence that he just wanted to take in the view—seeing you for the first time in so long, it felt like fate.
however, he didn’t have the confidence to come to you nor say hi. how could he? he didn’t deserve to do so, you were barely even friends in high school, who’s to say you even remember who he is? your eyes never met a single time during that class, but that’s just how seungmin preferred it.
after that, he’s seen your face a few times around campus, realizing that he was so busy in his major that he probably didn’t register that you’ve always just been around. hearing it from your photography classmates, seungmin found out that you’re a nursing major, because of course you are. it fit you perfectly.
ever since then, seungmin took every single opportunity to coincidentally see your face around, hoping to bask in your presence to get him through the day. seungmin didn’t need caffeine, he had you.
for months, he tried to work the courage to come up to you and say hi, but all of the tiny self-assuredness that he built up suddenly came crashing down when he saw you laughing wholeheartedly as a guy has his arms around you, a twinkle in his eyes as he watches your face break into a beautiful giggle from something funny that he said.
seungmin has never seen you more glowing. despite the bitter taste in his mouth, seungmin could only walk away, feeling his heart crushed and his lungs having difficulty breathing.
though he enjoys seeing you look so happy, he can’t help but feel jealous of the guy who’s able to make you do so. because he wishes it’s him, even if it’s just as your friend.
lee felix. the freckled blonde. he was social, friendly, and an overall great guy, of course you’d be drawn to someone who matches your energy, not a gloomy loser like seungmin. seeing you unashamedly makeout with felix around campus really deals a crushing blow to seungmin.
how your lips softly molded with felix’s, how you’d break away both smiling at each other as you keep your foreheads touching. seungmin would watch how you’d scrunch your nose as you smile when you look up at the freckled blonde, then proceed to poke his cheek as you lovingly counted all of his freckles as felix did nothing but coo at your adorable face, peppering your face with smooches all over.
seungmin could only cringe at the view, but deep down, he wishes he was the one kissing you all over, not caring about the fact that you’re in public, with eyes everywhere either sporting jealousy, adoration, or disgust.
why did lee felix have to be the perfect guy for you? extroverted, kind, good looking, and just jaw dropping in every regard. seungmin was sure that you two were a power couple, and he’s jealous of that everyday.
but he can’t get mad. not when he never really had the balls to ask you out. now he’s just standing at the sidelines, watching you be in a happy, healthy, and loving relationship. seungmin knows that your relationship with felix is so wonderful that he can’t even wish demise upon it.
instead, he’ll try to be happy for you, of course he will. even when tears prick his eyes whenever he’d think about it. why can’t he just be a little more confident?
RIGHT THROUGH ME[kim seungmin smau]
you’re everything he wants and wants to be, and it’s messing with his mind—especially when he knows that he can’t have you, not when he’s the way that he is.
pairing:theatre major!seungmin x y/n
genre: college au, angst, jealousy, hurt, comfort, mild fluff
warnings:lotsa angst? deals with a lot of self-esteem/confidence issues
notes:to be released late-2022 (or whenever i finish HFOH smau)
chapters
(mm/dd/yy)
date started: —
date finished: —
mastertag:@leagreenly@90s-belladonna@fuzzylard@loveliebri@chimmybaek7@todorokiskitten@lilacdreams-00@ethereallino@ninjaleeknow@trials–error@hey-i-really-miss-you@multifandomizer@aerastus@caratinylyfe@kdhvier@hibuki-chan@blaaiissee@skzoddinaries@suhnnyskiess@beaann
