#sissy thoughts

One of the worst (and painfully best) parts of visiting relatives over Christmas is that I have almost no time to myself whatsoever. If I’m not with one family, I’m with another, and if I’m not with either of them, I’m with my brother. Early mornings and late nights mean that I have to shower quick so we can get to the next ‘event,’ so it’s not like I can even play with myself for longer than a couple of seconds. For the first week, I was so caught up in meeting people and the awkwardness that comes from still being a recently split-up family that I literally had no time to be horny.

The second week, not so much.

It started out fine, but it’s gotten progressively worse; just the other night, a cute waitress touched me on the shoulder and I almost got hard instantly. It’s been a long time since I’ve had sex with another person, but I’ve learned to cope with that. But no stimulation at all is really starting to grate on me; I’m finding myself drifting out of conversations because I’m thinking about sexy stuff, and my erections are getting more frequent and less voluntary. I’m even finding myself literally feeling warmer every day. Guh. Luckily a couple of times in the last two or three days I’ve ended up along for an hour or two, so I’ve been able to play a little bit, but with no laundry machine readily available (without arousing suspicion - heh, arousing) it’s not like I can just pop one out since (while I still masturbate the traditional 'grab your cock and dosey-doe’ way) I’ve taken to rubbing myself through my pants and/or underwear in order to get a more feminine feeling. Big ol’ dark cum stains are pretty obvious - and pretty smelly too, honestly. There’s a conversation I’d rather not have with anyone. I seriously can’t wait for this trip to be over so I can go back North and wank in peace.

But on the other hand…

My birthday is in January, and I’ve already got some things in my Amazon cart to buy - things of a decidedly naughty nature. In 2013, I threw out all of my toys; I had a couple of bad toying experiences in a row, I was constantly worried that my sibling would find them, and I was really uncomfortable with who I was as a person. Time has convinced me to maybe give it another try and to not be so judgmental and pessimistic about myself; I don’t know of I’m a 'cock-sucking sissy cumslut’ or anything hyperbolic like that, but I know I get turned on at the thought of putting things in my butt and I know I get turned on at the thought of putting penises in my mouth (like how I just got turned on by typing those two things out), so I think I just need to take it slow and see what happens. I’m looking at buying a rectal dilator kit and a realistic, suction-cup equipped dildo, and (aside from an enema bulb and some lube) that’s it. When I 'purged,’ most of the toys I threw away I had only used once and never again, so we’ll see how I do with one toy and a training set.

Oh, but as I was leading up to: I’m tempted to try and keep from cumming at all - or at least until my birthday. I seriously don’t know if I can help myself. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to think straight with just one more week of this need going unfulfilled. I guess I’ll find out. Anyway, /blog off, and I hope to start making new wallpapers soon!