#size-shaming
Photo by Isabella Connelleyand Bethan Mooney
Ella Scott says these so-called compliments actually contribute to the harmful idea that ‘smaller is always better’ when it comes to the size of women’s bodies.
Complimenting a person’s appearance upon greeting them is commonplace. Rather than a simple, “hi, how are you?” we hear “wow, you look great in those jeans,” or, “have you been working out?” Or any other appearance-based compliments. Our social media posts are also draped in comments about size and beauty, with women comparing themselves to one another, and leaving comments questioning their own self-worth in order to praise another.
Unfortunately, these comments reinforce a stereotyped message of beauty, particularly when it comes to size. How often have you heard someone compliment you on how ‘thin’ you are looking? For me it’s every week, despite not actually losing any weight since a few years back. When someone makes a comment like this, when I know I’m the same size as I was when I last saw them, I’m immediately reminded that I don’t fit into society’s perception of beauty.
So-called compliments that are actually fatphobic happen. They happen regularly in our society which is so obsessed with the eternally shrinking woman as somehow aspirational. Fatphobia is real; fat acceptance (and health at every size) is needed instead. It is important that such comments are called out and recognised for what they are so we can move forward and stop marginalising people who do not conform to the conventional standard of beauty. With that said, here are 8 comments that sound like compliments but are actually size-shaming/fatphobic in disguise.
1. Have you lost weight?
No, did you think I needed to? Asking if someone has lost weight implies that you thought there was weight to be lost in the first place.
2. Wow, you’re looking so skinny at the moment!
This reinforces the arbitrary idea that thinness equals beauty. It suggests that the person receiving the ‘compliment’ has not previously or does not currently fit this mould.
3. You’re looking so healthy lately, have you been working out?
Again, this kind of comment equates health to thinness and therefore beauty. It implies that the receiver of the ‘compliment’ previously looked unhealthy and in need of change. It also assumes that a fat person cannot be healthy.
During an interview with This American Life, feminist writer and fat-positive activist Lindy West brilliantly pointed out how quickly people cling onto ‘health’ as a justification for fat shaming. I use the word fat as a woman who identifies as an ally and active member of the fat positive movement. This movement supports reclaiming the word as a neutral descriptor, not a slur. West then questioned why people aren’t willing to consider a fat person’s mental health when they make this argument.
4. You dress so well for your body type!
What body type is that? Clearly one you wouldn’t be happy with. This kind of compliment works within the framework of ‘the smaller the better’; essentially applauding the receiver for dressing in a way that conforms to this ridiculous concept.
5. It’s great how comfortable you are with your size.
This one seems so obvious, but I hear it all the time. You are essentially telling the person that you could never be comfortable with your body if it looked like theirs. But hey, good on them for putting up with it.
6. You look the best you’ve ever looked at the moment!
With this comment, you’re implying that something about the person hasn’t looked good in the past, and suggesting that they are looking ‘good’ based on society’s standard of beauty.
7. You could be a plus size model!
What classifies a plus size model? I won’t go into the problematic nature of body labeling in the modeling industry, but this kind of compliment is so vague in its meaning and can be so harmful because you don’t know how it will be received.
8. You’re so lucky to have big boobs that are proportional to your body!
People often seem to comment on boob size in relation to weight as if that somehow makes it ok. Saying someone has large breasts, but that it’s ok because they are proportional to the person’s body, is most certainly not a compliment! You’re basically suggesting that fatness is more ‘acceptable’ if the person has large breasts. How do you think that would make fat women with small breasts feel?
There you have it, 8 size-shaming/fatphobic comments that sound like compliments, but in my experience are almost guaranteed to make a fat woman feel pretty low.
To avoid causing offence entirely, try not to make any comment at all. Complimenting someone as a greeting is not obligatory. It may have become a social norm, but it doesn’t need to be. By playing into this ‘complimenting culture’ we are reducing people to nothing but our external features, while all of our amazing attributes outside of beauty are essentially erased.
So let’s stop making other women feel that their appearance determines their self worth and instead empower one another to appreciate what wonderful human beings we are, inside and out.
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