Pt6 - Agape (Yan!Albedo)

(Pt 5 - Eros)

Thank you guys eternally for your patience. And even if you weren’t patient, thank u for keeping it to yourself (i mean that genuinely, and with love hehe). I know it can be frustrating waiting for fics to update, and I really did not intend for the wait to be this long. I hope it was worth it!!!!

cw: death, depression, unhealthy relationships, your brain is fried, the world is falling apart.

This isn’t edited or proofread, because I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. I’ll come back to that, so forgive any mistakes hehe

_._

Your sister was the sun, and you were the moon.

She was radiant, blinding, hallowed body. When she laughed it stilled time, when she smiled it woke the wind. And there you were, by her side, younger and smaller and less imposing, there nevertheless.

The day she died was the day a part of you died, too. But that is far away, months from now.

Now you are in her library, the two of you locked in silent study. You’re pouring over old textbooks, enraptured in your reading, when she lifts her head.

“There’s someone I think we should go meet,” she says, sudden and loud. You blink, a little startled.

“Okay,” you say, just as quickly.

“Okay.”

This will be the first time you go to Mondstadt proper, the first time you and your sister will leave home, the first time she’ll ever introduce you to someone. It will also be the last. There is no home, after this. No strangers.

No sister.

But you’ll go, because something in the wind is calling you. Maybe it’s warning you away, but all you can hear are its whispers, and to a mortal’s ears, what are the voices of Celestia if not hallowed promise?

When you meet him,he is made of gold.

The moon seeks his presence. The sun yearns for his warmth. It is strange, because although he is calculated and analytical and precise, he is beautiful.In so, so many ways.

And you think, perhaps this was Celestia’s destiny for you, to have met such an impossible being. Perhaps it was written in the stars that the two of you might meet, that his hand might fit so impossibly within yours. You don’t even notice the thing as it grows within you, until it becomes a thing that ought not to be ignored. Something like love.

It’s not that you don’t want to admit it to yourself. It’s more that this is an incredibly professional academic relationship, and yearning for the touch of your scholastic partner is decidedly unprofessional.This doesn’t stop the furtive, longing glances, or the way your heart speeds when his hands linger a little longer next to yours.

And after a while, for the first time in a very long time, you begin to feel like this place is home.

You and your sister stay with Sucrose for a while, and she is kind enough to allow you both access to her libraries. Mister Albedo is very protective of his research, she’ll say one day. But you can look through mine!

Timaeus is just as forthcoming, eager to share in his love of alchemy.

And for a while, it’s good. The five of you make some kind of haphazard family, something you and your sister have been missing for a while.

For a while, you can ignore the thing blooming within your chest. The brilliance you find in Albedo. The Kreideprinz.

But it becomes harder, as your sister ventures more out into the world on her own, as she learns a love past alchemy in the way of adventuring, and suddenly you are alone in the world. Maybe that isn’t entirely true, but it certainly feels that way. Like the one thing that has been so constant in your life has started to leave you, bit by bit.

If only you would have known, then, you might have held onto those moments a little bit tighter.

It’s no surprise, then, that Albedo becomes such a source of happiness for you. He’s there, after all, always around, always kind and patient. He takes over the role of family. And that little feeling inside of you grows, pure, happy.

The first time he kisses you, it feels like breathing for the very first time.

Less in the way that it is completely life-altering, but more in the way that you didn’t realize how much happier you could have been if you’d been doing this all along. Touching him, kissing him, being kissed by him… Just being with him, you come to see, makes the world just that much brighter.

If only you would have known, then, that this would be your ultimate downfall.

How were you to know? How were you to know? How were you to know, that he would latch onto that feeling so much more strongly than you had. How were you to know, that he would do whatever necessary to keep that feeling from fading? To keep you from wandering away again?

Becausewhen she dies, it is no accident at all.

But it was, wasn’t it? She’d fallen, she’d been attacked, she’d gotten herself mixed in with the Fatui.

Nothing to do with the fact that she wanted the two of you to travel to Sumeru. To Liyue. To Fontaine.

Nothing to do with the fact that all she had ever wanted for you was freedom.

Where were you to turn, then, but into Albedo’s arms? Where were you to stay, sobbing into the moonless night, alone, truly alone?

With him. Always with him.

It was just a book. Just a book. Just a hunch. A hunch. And that had been it, hadn’t it? That had been the ultimate check, the piece that led to your downfall.

Do you know anything about resuscitation?

The book mentioned life made from life. An alchemical solution to infertility, to loneliness, to death.The ultimate magic,some might say. The kind that begged the highest price.

I’m going to Sumeru. I’m going to bring her back to life. Even if it kills me.

Something snapped within him. Something dark and deadly, some beast making itself known. His eyes, once so bright, so charming, so filled with life… empty, dull, lifeless.

You will never try to leave me again.

Those were his last words to you, mere moments before his blade pierced your heart.

And when you woke again, there was nothing, nothing but him. Blue eyes, a kind smile.

Nothing, nothing but him.

_._

Your mind is a mess. There is no past, there is no present. Who am I? Who am I?

Not human, made.

Alive, not alive.

Accident, no accident.

Nothing, nothing, nothing… but him.