“Azriel, are you listening?” Mor’s voice cut through Azriel’s daydream, drawing him back to the scene in front of him. He blinked, nodding at Mor before turning to whoever had been speaking. Lucien shot him an amused look across the table, turning back to Jurian as the other male explained something that Azriel immediately forgot.
He was seated at a dining table with Mor, Vassa, Jurian and Lucien in the Archeron’s old estate, attempting to finish a somewhat early dinner. Vassa and Jurian were bickering about some political ideology that Azriel had no interest in, which had led to him drifting off into more pleasant thoughts. Ones that involved a rather attractive priestess riding his thigh and making the most gorgeous sounds he’d ever heard in his life.
“Tell me, Shadowsinger,” Vassa suddenly addressed him, snapping his attention back to the table. He met the redheads sultry gaze, his own face schooled into an emotionless facade. “What has you looking so dreamy? Distract me. I’ve grown tired of our current entertainment.”
“You weren’t saying that last night,” Jurian muttered, snatching an apple from the table. Lucien rolled his eyes, giving Azriel a knowing look behind Vassa’s back.
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Azriel quietly responded. Vassa’s flirtatious behavior was slowly becoming expected when he visited the Mortal Lands. She seemed to enjoy flirting just for the sake of it. Unfortunately for her, he was only interested in flirting with one female - and she wasn’t present.
“Hmm, that’s too bad,” Vassa whined, pouting her full lips and ignoring Jurian’s dramatic eye roll. “I was hoping you might come play with me. I have a feeling you’re much more adventurous than the men I’m surrounded with.”
Azriel smirked, noting the slight flare of jealousy in Jurian’s eyes as the human male silently watched the proceedings. Lucien chugged his wine, seeming used to the game of cat and mouse his two friends were playing. Azriel leaned conspiratorially across the table toward Vassa, turning his eyes to the female while Mor hid a smile behind her wine glass.
His shadows kept a close watch on Jurian, making sure the male wasn’t going to leap across the table and attempt to throttle Azriel. Vassa went still, her breath becoming uneven as Azriel slowly shifted from cold and emotionless to warm and seductive. If she wanted to play games, he would play games.
“What did you have in mind?” He drawled, his smirk growing when her eyes darted over him appreciatively, then over to Jurian and back again. She leaned forward, lowering her voice as though they were the only two in the room.
“I was thinking something that might involve you and your shadows,” she whispered, the two of them ignoring the angry huff from Jurian down the table. “I’m sure they like to play as much as you do.”
“Mmm, you’re right, they do,” he purred with a sensual smile, holding her gaze for a long moment before abruptly sitting back in his chair, all traces of seduction instantly disappearing. “But, like their master, my shadows have very specific taste and I’m not sure I currently see anything that fits the description.”
Vassa blanched, smacking Jurian on the back of the head when he burst into laughter. Mor quietly giggled next to him, daintily picking at a piece of fruit in front of her. Lucien chuckled softly, taking a long sip of wine before pushing his plate away from him.
“And what exactly is that description?” Vassa shot at him, crossing her arms in frustration as Jurian continued to cackle. Azriel opened his mouth to respond, but, to his surprise, Lucien beat him to it.
“I believe Azriel, and his shadows, tend to prefer things with teal eyes, a generous amount of freckles, long legs and a decided love of knives and books,” Lucien mused, addressing Vassa but looking at Azriel in amusement. “Or something like that, I would think.”
“Yes, something like that,” Azriel agreed, flashing Lucien a genuine smile while Mor grinned in delight. Lucien returned the friendly look, then pushed back from the table, cutting Vassa off from whatever she was about to say.
“Well, I think it’s time I show Mor and Azriel the area they will be stationing their spies at,” Lucien announced, straightening his jacket before striding to the door. Azriel and Mor followed, saying quick goodbyes to Jurian and Vassa, who were already back to bickering, then rushing out the door.
Mor let out a dramatic sigh, bumping her shoulder with Azriel as Lucien led them outside and away from the estate grounds. “I thought that meal would never end,” she whined, tucking her thick cloak tighter around her body in the chill autumn air. “Are they always like that?”
Lucien glanced behind him, giving Mor an apologetic smile. “Yes, they are,” he said, heading toward a narrow, wooded path in front of him. “They like to constantly be at odds for some reason. I don’t mind it most of the time, but it can be exhausting.”
Azriel chuckled, stepping behind Mor as they entered the wooded area. He had seen this area on the maps Lucien had presented to him, and when he had flown over for an initial inspection, but this was the first time he had walked the area his spies would be stationed. Tonight, once darkness set in, they would begin monitoring the area for the suspicious activity Lucien had noted.
“So, are you ever going to tell us who you suspect?” Azriel bluntly asked. Lucien had been oddly secretive about it, but Azriel could tell the other male knew something. His shadows darted out in front of them, scanning the forest as they walked.
Lucien paused underneath a small, shaded clearing and turned to Azriel and Mor. Lucien fell silent, seeming to contemplate how much he was willing to reveal.
“Before I tell you anything, I need to know something, and I am trusting Morrigan to confirm the truth of it,” Lucien said, staring at Azriel with a hardness he rarely demonstrated. Azriel silently nodded for Lucien to go on, tensing at his sudden change of mood. “I don’t need, nor do I want, details, but I need to know if you still have any involvement with Elain. And please don’t lie to me. I’m not blind.”
Azriel blinked, confused by the course of the conversation. He knew Lucien was aware of his idiotic infatuation with his mate, but he thought that was in the past. “I’m not involved with her. It’s in the past, but I’ve told you that already.”
Lucien held his gaze, then looked to Mor. She nodded in confirmation, her eyes darting between the two males. At her nod, Lucien’s shoulders sagged and he let out a long breath, uncharacteristically ruffled.
“Good, that makes this easier,” Lucien said, turning his attention back to Azriel. “I’m sorry for being so blunt. I know we have discussed this before, but I had to be absolutely certain we were on the same page. This could deeply affect her, if my suspicions are correct.”
“What do you mean?” Azriel pressed when Lucien went quiet, anxiously wringing his hands. All the defensiveness faded, centuries of spy training kicking in.
“Well, as I told you before, we suspect foul play,” Lucien began, his voice hushed in the quiet woods. “At first, the mortals in the area seemed receptive to the idea of building bridges with us, but now, they seem to be echoing the same antagonistic arguments that the Mortal Queens keep spreading. The louder ones, the ones with power, it’s like they’re mindless. And the rest…well, they seem too scared to go against them.”
“That sounds like what’s happening in Vallahan,” Mor muttered, glancing at Azriel with a frown. “Treaty negotiations had improved, then I left for a few days and everything fell apart again. I can’t even get an invite with any of the lords there now.”
“Yes, that’s exactly how it happened here as well,” Lucien agreed, his hands fidgeting in agitation. “We had been on the verge of drafting a new treaty, then the conflict with Nesta and Briallyn happened, and I was away for a few days and everything went to hell. Jurian even said…”
Lucien fell quiet, his fingers absently reaching toward the scar on his face. Azriel’s senses heightened, a tight coil of dread building in his stomach.
“What did Jurian say?” Azriel pushed, hands fisted at his side. Lucien looked at him, his lips spread in a thin line, eyes filled with sadness.
“He said it reminded him of what happened with Amarantha,” Lucien finally explained with a frown. “That it was like some of the mortals had stopped thinking for themselves. Vassa confirmed it, and I saw as much when I came back after visiting Velaris.”
Azriel let out a long breath, his eyes shuttering for a moment before he forced himself to face Lucien again. Mor was utterly still beside him, fear obvious on her face.
“What does this have to do with needing spies here?” Azriel asked, his voice hollow. After a short moment, he added. “And Elain? What does it have to do with her?”
“Take a guess which mortal family doesn’t seem to have lost all ability to think on their own,” Lucien sneered, his eyes filling with fire.
“Graysen?” Azriel replied, rolling his shoulders back in frustration. Of course, it would be that bastard. No matter what had happened between him and Elain, Graysen was still a piece of shit.
“That’s the one,” Lucien dryly remarked. “That’s why we relocated to this estate a few months ago. We no longer felt it was safe in the place Graysen’s family had gifted Jurian and Vassa. He and his family have almost entirely shut off communication with us. Their reasoning is that we can’t be trusted.”
“And they can be trusted?” Mor gaped, her red lips twisting into a sneer. “What an asshole.”
Lucien chuckled, but his face remained hard. “Yes, he is,” he nodded, pacing through the small circle. “Since then, I’ve tried to keep tabs on him and I have found him sneaking out regularly. He goes to meet various people, some of which are human, but some…one or two seem to be fae. Although, I haven’t been able to find out for sure because I haven’t been able to get close enough.”
Azriel frowned. “Why would he be meeting with fae? He hates them.”
“Yes, but…they could be offering him something,” Lucien confirmed with a nod. “But…the one time I was able to get close enough to see anything substantial, Graysen had a cloak on that wasn’t his. It had a small crest. When I described it to Vassa, she confirmed that it was the crest of the Mortal Queens.”
“Are you suggesting Graysen is working with them?” Mor whispered fearfully, her face pale. Azriel placed a hand on her back, offering support.
“Yes,” Lucien replied, his brow furrowing. “Or at least, I think it’s highly likely. His behavior is very similar to Beron’s, which is part of the reason Eris has begun visiting so much. I can’t figure out on my own what Graysen is up to, so I am asking for your help.”
Azriel met Lucien’s pleading stare, a muscle in his jaw working as he considered all that he had just learned. If Graysen was indeed working with the Mortal Queens, it was just one more layer to the complicated web that had developed across the sea. If they didn’t start cutting off some of the threads, they would all be caught before they stood a chance at fighting whatever power was toying with them.
“You’ve been keeping secrets, Lucien,” Azriel murmured, watching as Lucien’s shoulders stiffened, his metal eye seeming to look right through Azriel to his very core.
“You’ve kept secrets too, Shadowsinger,” Lucien replied smoothly, not a hint of intimidation in his tone. Good. Azriel didn’t like working with anyone who was quick to back down or who scared easily.
“Fair enough,” Azriel chuckled. “Of course we’ll help you. That’s why we’re here. Besides, I made a promise to be friends with you. I wouldn’t like to see the consequences of breaking that promise.”
Lucien relaxed, a small smile crossing his face even while he looked at Azriel in confusion. Mor mirrored Lucien’s expression, turning to Azriel with one eyebrow raised.
“Gwyn,” he said simply, shrugging his shoulders. Lucien grinned while Mor slowly relaxed next to Azriel, the mood gradually shifting back to normal again. “Is that everything then?”
“Yes, that’s all I know,” Lucien confirmed, glancing back toward the path. “Eris is supposed to meet me at the house soon. Would you like to join us, or would you prefer to continue checking the perimeter we’ve set for your spies?”
Azriel glanced at Mor, who had once again stiffened beside him, then back at Lucien. “We’ll keep walking, if you don’t mind. It might be best if we save a visit with Eris until next time.”
“I agree,” Lucien smiled, his eyes darting to Mor. “You know the trails, so I’ll leave you to it.”
Lucien waved them off, heading in the opposite direction as Azriel and Mor set off farther down the trail. Mor remained quiet for a while, no doubt lost in thought, but eventually she broke the silence, her mood seeming to relax some.
“So, why was Lucien asking you about Elain?” She asked, matching his slow stride. He sighed, knowing there was no way out of this.
He slowly explained everything, telling her what he had told Gwyn a few weeks ago. That he had been involved with Elain, but only to the point of an almost kiss and that was it. He assured her it was in the past, and promised that Gwyn knew everything as well. By the time he had finished, Mor seemed satisfied with his explanation, yet there was something he felt like he was forgetting. Something that was slipping his mind, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.
“Is that everything?” Mor asked when he paused, her normal happy demeanor finally returned.
“Yes, I think so,” he said, frowning slightly. “Although, I have the strangest feeling that I’m forgetting something, only I don’t know what it could be.”
“You’ll think of it eventually,” Mor chirped, her blond hair bouncing as she followed him along the trail. “As long as Gwyn knows everything, then I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Yes, she does,” he assured her, ignoring that nagging feeling. He had told Gwyn everything, hadn’t he?
Mor looked up at him, studying his face before saying, “This might sound harsh, but I’m glad it didn’t work out with Elain.”
“Oh, why?” He chuckled. He was in agreement, but he wanted to know her reasoning.
“Because you aren’t right for each other, anyone could see that,” Mor said matter-of-factly. “You and Gwyn…you’re perfect together.”
He smiled, his shadows dancing excitedly around him at the mention of Gwyn. Even with Mor present, who they normally retreated around to give her space, his shadows couldn’t hide their happiness at the thought of their favorite priestess. Neither could he, for that matter.
“Thank you. She’s…incredible,” Azriel quietly said, a small blush creeping up his neck. He coughed, attempting to clear his throat from the rush of emotions he felt. “You and Emerie are great together too. Are you two doing well?”
“Um, actually, we just had our first fight recently,” Mor admitted shyly, tucking her hands into her cloak. He frowned, unsure if he should question her or not. Their new dynamic was still so fresh, he didn’t want to risk ruining it. Before he could decide, Mor went on.
“Are you and Gwyn serious?” She blurted, her normally perfect complexion going bright red with a blush. “About each other, I mean. Are you two serious about your relationship?”
Azriel slowly nodded, confused. “Yes, of course we’re serious,” he affirmed, studying Mor’s profile. “What else would we be?”
“I don’t know, you could be more casual,” Mor shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “I mean, how do you know you’re serious? Have you talked about it?”
“We don’t need to,” he shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Gwyn’s not really the type for casual relationships, and I wouldn’t want to be casual with her. I know I want to be with her for as long as she wants me.”
He trailed off, falling silent as he realized that was the first time he had admitted anything like that out loud. He felt a small pang of fear as his feelings slowly sunk in. Was it too soon to feel that much for Gwyn? Would she pull away if he told her that? He didn’t get time to think about it because Mor once again broke the silence.
“You sound so sure,” Mor murmured, sounding oddly nervous. “I wish I could say something like that without being so scared.”
He stopped mid step, forcing Mor to come to a halt in the middle of the trail as he stared at her. Her face was filled with sadness, something he rarely saw in her. He bit his lip, his jaw working as he tried to figure out how to address this.
“Mor, what happened? What’s making you so scared?” He tentatively asked, worried he might say the wrong thing. “You seem head-over-heels for Emerie. I don’t understand what happened.”
“Iam head-over-heels for Emerie,” Mor quietly reassured him. “But…the other day, we were at Rita’s talking to some of my friends and someone asked us about our relationship. I said we were keeping it casual. It just slipped out, I don’t know why. But Emerie got upset about it.”
He ran his hand through his hair, hoping she would explain more. After a moment, to his relief, she did.
“She was hurt that I had said we were casual because she thought we were serious,” Mor whispered, her eyes brimming with tears. “And she’s right, we are. But for some reason, I was scared to say that, even to her. She’s had to deal with so much bullshit because of our relationship, yet I’m too cowardly to say that we’re serious. I’m just scared. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m scared.”
Tears were now fully falling down her face, her arms wrapped around herself as she confessed to him. He felt sick to his stomach, the full weight of how much she had carried with her for so long hitting him. He had played a role in it too, which made it all that much more painful. He was trying to be a better male, but he had failed the one person he owed the most. That ended now.
“Mor, you’re not a coward,” he firmly stated, hesitantly pulling her toward him. She willingly leaned into his touch, allowing him to wrap her in a tight hug. “You are doing your best to figure this out. That’s all you can do. You have every reason to be scared. You just need to tell her that.”
“I haven’t even told my parents about us,” Mor sobbed into his chest, her voice breaking. It felt strange, holding her like this, yet he was glad he could be here for her in some way. “I’ve only told my friends at Rita’s, and the Inner Circle. That’s it.”
“You don’t owe your family an explanation, Mor,” he assured her, lightly stroking her back. “You should only have to tell the people you want to tell. You don’t owe anyone anything.”
“But I want Emerie to know how much she means to me,” Mor whispered, clinging to his leathers. “I don’t want her to think I’m hiding her or that I’m ashamed of her.”
He gently pulled her head back and met her tear-stained gaze. “Then tell her that,” he stated, a muscle in his jaw working furiously. “If anyone else asks, just tell them that you’re in love with the most incredible female and that you don’t give a shit what they think. And if anyone even thinks about attacking you for that, then tell me and it will be the last thing they ever say. All right?”
“Okay,” she slowly nodded, clutching the edge of her cloak. “But…why are you so willing to…to help me? You’ve handled all of this so well. And…I don’t understand why. Honestly, I…I thought you might pull away from me after you found out.”
He swallowed, praying he could find the words to explain how stupid he’d been. “Because I realized that I had been the worst friend to you, and that matters more than anything I felt in the past,” he quietly said. “You’re my family and I love you. It’s different now, or, maybe it always was, but I love you. You deserve to be happy, and I want to help in any way I can. I hurt you and I made you feel unsafe” - he held up a finger when she tried to interrupt - “I did, and I want to fix it. I want to be here for you, the same way you’ve always been there for me. I’m sorry for not being there sooner.”
She stared at him for several moments, blinking tears away, but then she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He almost fell backward from the force of it, but he recovered and slowly hugged her back, waiting until she pulled away to let go.
“Thank you, Azriel,” Mor smiled, brushing away the last of her tears. “I love you too. I’m glad we can just be us now. I want you to be happy as well.”
“I’m glad we can just be us now too,” he gave her a rare grin, rubbing her arm affectionately. “Come on, we should keep walking.”
She nodded, looping her arm through his and beginning to walk down the trail again. If anyone had told him a few centuries ago, or even a year ago, that he would be walking with Mor on his arm and neither one of them would feel any awkwardness or that he wouldn’t feel anything besides brotherly affection, he wouldn’t have believed it. But he was grateful it had happened. He had spent far too long making them both miserable, too blind to see the truth. Finally, they could both move forward and find happiness.
His shadows once again darted in front of them, searching the area as they slowly walked through the woods. Mor leaned against his arm, quiet for a while before she broke the silence, never one to stay quiet for long.
“Azriel, I know I don’t owe them anything, but would you come with me when I tell my parents?” She hesitantly asked. “I want to tell them, but I don’t want it to be a big event. They’ve always made me parade in front of their courtiers for everything, but this time…I want to do it on my terms. It would only be a short trip, just long enough to say what I want to say and then leave, but…I’d like the support, if you’re willing.”
“Of course, I’ll come with you whenever you’re ready,” he promised, knowing he would need to let Gwyn know. Hell, Gwyn might want to join him if he told her why he was going to the Hewn City. “But I think you should talk to Emerie first, before you do anything.”
She softly laughed. “I will,” she assured him, squeezing his arm. “I’ll talk to her when we get back. She said she was fine, but I know it’s still bothering her. I’ll tell her about the Hewn City as well, she’ll probably want to come with us.”
He chuckled. “Probably. I’m sure Gwyn will too, whether I want her to or not.”
Mor playfully poked him in the ribs, laughing as she did so. “You’re awfully relaxed about taking Gwyn to the Court of Nightmares. I figured you would never let Gwyn go.”
“I don’t want her to go, but I know there’s no point arguing about it,” he shrugged, blushing slightly. The darkness had settled around them, the time passing quicker than he had realized. “And I’m not relaxed about it, I just…have a different perspective. That’s all.”
“Mmm, I’m sure I have a certain priestess to thank for that,” Mor said knowingly, tugging her cloak tighter when a breeze picked up. “Hey, that reminds me, your birthday is coming up.”
“Yeah, so?” He shrugged. He usually avoided bringing attention to himself, so birthdays were the opposite of his favorite thing.
“Sooo, I want to plan a party for you this year,” she chirped, practically bouncing in excitement.
He groaned. “Why? You planned a party a few years ago.”
She rolled her eyes, accustomed to his reluctance. “Birthdays happen every year, Az. I just want to do something special. Please let me. I know you don’t like big parties, so I promise I’ll keep it small.”
He sighed, knowing this was a losing battle. “If you can convince Gwyn, then go ahead.”
“Yay! Thank you,” Mor excitedly clapped. She knew as well as he did that Gwyn wouldn’t resist her on this, not as long as Mor kept the party intimate. Gwyn was far too sweet to holdout for long, especially when it came to people she cared about, which meant it was as good as settled.
Another strong breeze pushed past them, bringing a new wave of cold air. Above them storm clouds were brewing, darkening the sky further. Azriel stopped in the middle of the trail, gently turning Mor around to face back toward the estate.
“Come on, it’s going to rain,” he told her, urging her forward with a tug of his arm. “I don’t want to be stuck out here when it’s downpouring, if we can avoid it.”
“I agree,” Mor enthusiastically nodded, picking up her pace to match his. “I’m also craving something sweet since we skipped dessert, so I’m more than ready to go back to the estate, even if I have to listen to Jurian and Vassa bicker.”
He laughed, throwing his head back and letting himself just breathe in the moment. He was missing Gwyn like crazy, but he was happy. Happier than he had ever expected. He had the most amazing female waiting for him at home, and one of his dearest friends walking by his side. What could possibly go wrong?
Gwyn seeks advice from Nesta and Emerie as her relationship with Azriel progresses.
IMPORTANT NOTE: First, thank you for your patience with this update. I know it’s been a while, but I am happy to be updating again. Going forward, I don’t know how often I will update, so it might be a while, but I will do my best.
Second, I recently did a tag list cleanup. I have removed everyone who did not respond to the post. However, if you simply missed the post and would like to be re-added, please just let me know. Or if I mistakenly kept you on it and you would like to be removed, I can do that as well.
Once again, thank you all for your patience! It is so appreciated. <3
If you would like to be added or removed from the tag list, let me know!
Gwyn woke to the sound of quiet movement near her, the familiar scent of cedar and night-chilled mist filling her senses as she remembered where she was. She kept her eyes closed for several moments, listening to the sounds of Azriel moving around the room while she reveled in the memory of last night.
She still couldn’t believe it was real. It had gone so much better than she had hoped. It felt like a dream, an impossibly perfect dream. Yet, the fact that she was in Azriel’s bed half-naked was proof of the previous night’s activities. It was real; she had finally taken the next step with Azriel. The thought filled her with the most blissful happiness she had ever experienced.
She rolled onto her back, stretching her arms with a lazy smile as she opened her eyes. She looked around her, shimming to lean against the pillows and pulling the sheet up to cover her chest. Azriel met her gaze with a slow grin, grabbing Truth-Teller from his desk before striding back to the bed.
He was already dressed in his leathers despite it being a day with no required training. She wasn’t surprised though. He was supposed to visit the Mortal Realms with Mor for a couple days to finish setting up the patrols he had been planning, as well as to check-in with Lucien. She wished she could go with him, but they had agreed she could go the next time – once things were set in place.
“Good morning,” Azriel drawled, sitting on the edge of the bed and tenderly kissing her cheek. She blushed, clutching the sheet to her as she remembered everything they had done last night. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, perfectly,” she replied, goosebumps spreading across her skin when Azriel began gently stroking his fingers along her bare shoulder. He chewed on his bottom lip, his hazel eyes sparkling. She was certain he was remembering their explorations from the previous night as well, which only deepened her blush.
“You should have woken me up,” she chided, trying to distract herself from the pleasant warmth spreading through her. “You know I wanted to say goodbye before you left.”
He met her eyes, his fingers still gliding smoothly across her skin. “I was going to wake you up in a few minutes,” he assured her with a crooked smile. “But you looked so peaceful, so I didn’t want to wake you any sooner than I had to.”
She let out a soft “Oh,” her grip on the sheet loosening as he continued staring at her. Despite her inexperience, she could read his gaze - it was filled with nothing short of outright hunger. And now that she knew the kind of pleasure she could find with him, every inch of her ached to pull him down onto the bed and see what other ways he could bring her to that blissful edge.
Yet, there was a small sliver of hesitation, one she wasn’t sure she was ready to discuss with him yet. She averted her gaze, forcing herself to ignore her insecurities. She would figure out her worries later, for now, she just wanted to enjoy being with him.
“What are your plans for the day?” Azriel asked, his gaze softening. She breathed a sigh of relief. His desire wasn’t what had made her nervous, but she was grateful for the change of topic regardless. Now that they were moving forward, she needed to deal with her fears. And today was a good opportunity for that.
“I’m supposed to go shopping with Emerie and Nesta,” she said, smiling at his shadows as they playfully twirled around her arms. “It was Nesta’s idea, since Cassian is busy today too.”
He hummed quietly, playing with a lock of her hair. “That sounds fun,” he smiled, then added. “Will you be all right though?”
She nodded, catching his meaning. This would be the first time she ventured into the city without him, something she had considered before agreeing to the shopping trip. She would be with her sisters; if something made her anxious, she knew they would understand.
“I’ll be fine,” she reassured him, smoothing the small crease above his brow. “I’m ready to try going out more. I think this will be good for me.”
His fingers brushed along her jaw, gently cupping her face. “Okay, as long as you’re sure. If you need anything, Cassian won’t be too far away, so Nesta can always call him.”
“I know,” she laughed, twining her fingers with his and pulling his hand down to her lap. “Nesta insisted on that already. She made me promise I would tell her if I felt uneasy today. She’s as overprotective as you.”
He chuckled. “We care about you. That’s all,” he said, placing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “I hope you have a good time, but I’ll miss you while I’m gone.”
“I’ll miss you too,” she agreed, absently stroking his hand with her thumb. “But you’ll be back in a few days, right?”
“Yes, I should return tomorrow night, but it might be really late,” he explained, brow furrowing. “I’m not sure if I’ll be back before you go to bed, so please don’t wait up. You should get some rest.”
She grinned, leaning up to kiss him softly. “I’ll try, but you don’t need to worry so much, Azriel.”
“I know, but I can’t help myself,” he replied, chuckling quietly. “I should probably go. I’m supposed to meet with Rhys before I leave with Mor.”
She smiled in encouragement, turning her face up in anticipation. He smiled at her eagerness, claiming her mouth tenderly, his hands twining in her hair as their lips moved easily together. She could get lost in his kiss, the sensation of his mouth on hers instantly calming her no matter what she was feeling.
He deepened the kiss for a short moment - too short for her liking - then he pulled away with a quiet groan, leaning his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, savoring his touch before he had to leave. All too soon, he released her, slowly standing up and checking his weapons one last time.
She watched him silently, already missing his warmth. He smiled at her, then headed for the door, pausing only a few steps away before turning back to her.
“Gwyn?”
“Hmm?”
“Um, if you decide to visit that store in Velaris again…” he trailed off, rubbing his neck nervously. She held back a grin, amused by his flustered behavior. “You know, the one with the, uh, underthings?”
“Yes, I know which one you’re talking about,” she giggled, not sure where he was going with this.
“Well, if you go back, there’s an account open for you,” he confessed, meeting her stare anxiously. “I opened it a while ago, just in case you ever went back. You don’t have to, of course, but if you wanted to, then it’s under your name.”
He finally paused, his chest heaving with shaking breaths. She felt a flush creeping up her neck at the thought of the lingerie store he was referring to, but she ignored it, focusing on him instead. She had wanted to go back to that store, but she had never expected Azriel to do something like this for her. It felt so…intimate. He would know if she bought anything, but she would control if he saw her purchases or not.
“Az, thank you. I…you didn’t have to do that,” she said, oddly emotional at his thoughtful gesture. He smiled softly, a flush to match her own coloring his cheeks. Was he imaging how she might look in whatever she bought? The thought made her shiver.
“I know I didn’t have to,” he assured her, his shadows dancing between them. “But I wanted to. Even if I don’t see any of the items you buy, I…I just wanted you to be able to go back whenever you wanted. I liked how happy you were that day.”
He averted his eyes, staring at the floor as his voice grew quieter. It wasn’t often he admitted his emotions so easily, but it always made her heart ache when he did. She gathered the large sheet around her, clutching it to her chest as she hopped off the bed and strode toward him, the sheet trailing behind her.
“Thank you, Azriel,” she whispered, not giving him a chance to respond before pulling him down into a searing kiss. His arms wrapped around her, one hand gripping her backside while the other cradled her neck, tilting her head until he found the angle he wanted.
She let him kiss her for as long as he wanted, opening for him and savoring every second. The sheet slowly fell to the ground, leaving her bare for him, her sensitive nipples peaking at the feeling of his leathers against her skin. But she still didn’t pull away, instead pressing closer to him, showing him with her body how much he meant to her. How much she wanted him.
When he finally pulled away, they were both flustered and breathless. He quickly grabbed the sheet from where she had dropped it, carefully wrapping her up in it and saying goodbye before disappearing through the door. Despite already wishing he would come back, she was grateful he had left so quickly. If he had stayed, she was certain they would have wound up back in bed.
She stood in the middle of the room for several minutes, catching her breath and reeling from his kiss. She slowly got ready for the day, taking her time soaking in his large bathtub, having left some of her personal items in his bedroom the day before. By the time she left his room and set out to find Nesta and Emerie in the house, she realized that she desperately needed to talk to her sisters. There were fears she still hadn’t faced, and Azriel needed to know, especially if they were going to keep exploring like they had last night.
*******************************************
Several hours and countless shopping bags later, mostly courtesy of Nesta, Gwyn found herself in a small cafe somewhere in the middle of Velaris. She plopped down into the nearest chair with a dramatic sigh, laughing when Emerie leaned her head on the table and groaned.
“Oh hush, you two are having fun and you know it,” Nesta teased, sitting next to Gwyn and poking Emerie, who slowly lifted her head and gave a vulgar gesture to Nesta. “There’s only a few more shops I think we should visit, including a bookstore, and then we can call it a day.”
“Fine, but next time…we’re bringing Cassian or Azriel or anyone with bigger arms than me,” Emerie decided, earning a round of giggles from Gwyn and Nesta. A moment later, a waiter appeared and took their orders, then disappeared into the back.
Gwyn fell quiet, listening to her two friends chatter, but she noticed Nesta shoot Emerie a glance a few minutes later. Before she could ask what the two of them were silently thinking, the waiter brought their food and drinks, forcing them to pause the conversation.
They fell into a comfortable silence, all of them too hungry from their busy day to focus on anything other than their food. When they were finished eating and were quietly sipping on their drinks, Nesta looked at Emerie again. Only, this time, the two of them immediately turned toward Gwyn.
She blanched, looking between them in confusion. “What? Is something wrong?”
Emerie shrugged, glancing at Nesta. “You tell us, Gwyn.”
“What do you mean?” Gwyn asked, utterly confused.
“Gwyn, you’ve been rather quiet today,” Nesta noted, putting a hand over Gwyn’s where it rested on the table. “Are you okay? Is everything all right with Azriel?”
“Yes, of course, things are great,” she insisted, not quite understanding why Nesta would ask her that. “Why would you…ohhhhhh.”
She suddenly understood why her silence had worried them so much. They knew she had been planning something with Azriel, they just didn’t know when, and she hadn’t told them how things had gone yet. No wonder they were both looking at her like they were waiting for her to burst into tears.
She covered her face with her hands, embarrassed. Nesta gently pried her hands away, holding them on the table while Emerie reached across the table to squeeze her arm. She took a deep breath, knowing she needed to talk to them now or she never would.
“Nesta, Em, you don’t need to worry,” she promised quietly, blushing fiercely. “Everything with Azriel is perfect. That’s not why I was quiet.”
“Then did something else happen?” Nesta pressed, looking to Emerie for backup. “We were worried because you hadn’t told us what happened with your plans. It’s not like you to be this reserved.”
Emerie nodded in agreement, patiently waiting for Gwyn to explain. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, mulling over her words.
“Our plans worked out well. It was lovely,” Gwyn finally said, clinging to Nesta’s hands for support. “Perfect, really. And that’s the problem. I’m worried about what happens now.”
“What do you mean?” Emerie asked, forehead creasing with concern. “Azriel seems patient, surely he wouldn’t push you into something you’re not okay with. Would he?”
“No, never,” she assured her friend, shaking her head vigorously. “It’s just…” – she shot a furtive glance around the room, then dropped her voice – “I want more, but…I know the types of things that typically happen now involve…penetration of some sort. And it scares me. I don’t want to panic when I’m with him.”
Her voice had become impossibly quiet, embarrassment flooding her. This shouldn’t be so hard. She just wanted to be with Azriel, but every single step they took forward felt like a giant leap that Gwyn couldn’t help but fret about. She just wanted to stop overthinking for once, to let go – like she had last night.
“Oh, honey, it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t want it to,” Emerie soothed her, leaning forward to stroke her arm in a calming pattern. “And I’m sure he would never make you feel bad if you did get scared while you’re with him.”
“Emerie’s right,” Nesta reassured her, moving one arm to stroke Gwyn’s back. “Azriel would understand. And things don’t necessarily have to involve any kind of penetration. Azriel should know plenty of other ways to make you orgasm.”
Gwyn gaped at Nesta, her blush deepening as she glanced around the cafe again. “Hush, there are other people here,” she whispered, not used to being as open about sex as Nesta was. Emerie giggled, but Nesta just shrugged.
“Sex is a perfectly normal thing to discuss, Gwyn,” Nesta smiled, tugging at her braid. Gwyn rolled her eyes, but laughed, relaxing slightly. “But seriously, if you don’t want to take things in that direction, then you don’t have to.”
“I know, but…” Gwyn sighed, frustrated with herself.
“But what?” Emerie prodded when Gwyn fell silent. Nesta raised an eyebrow in question, silently waiting for Gwyn to continue.
“Iwant to,” she admitted in a soft whisper, her stomach in knots. Emerie and Nesta watched her steadily, waiting for her to elaborate. “I want to take the next steps with Azriel. I want to…let him do those types of things to me. I’m just scared. I haven’t even been able to…to pleasure myself like that.”
Shame and embarrassment roiled inside of her, making her feel sick to her stomach. Nesta took her hands again as Emerie came around the table and firmly hugged her, holding her for a long moment before returning to her seat. Nesta stroked her back with her free hand, tugging Gwyn closer. She leaned into her friends’ touch, needing the support.
“Gwyn, it’s okay. You don’t have to feel embarrassed talking to us,” Emerie finally said, her voice soft. Gwyn met her gaze, her face flushed. “This is what we’re here for. We’re your sisters.”
“I just don’t know how to tell him,” Gwyn choked out, worried she might start crying any moment. “I don’t even know how to tell him what I want, let alone explaining that I’m scared of some of the things I want.”
Nesta sighed, brushing back a stray lock of Gwyn’s hair. “I think you should sit down and tell him what you’ve told us. That would at least be a start.”
Gwyn nodded, knowing her friends were right. The best way to explain to Azriel how she felt was to be blunt about it. There was no use tiptoeing around it, especially now that things had become more heated when they were together.
“How do I explain what I want him to do though?” Gwyn questioned, unsure she understood her own desires. She was so new to this; she constantly felt silly trying to explain things. “He sometimes asks me, like last night, and I barely know how to answer. I need advice. Please.”
“Okay, hold on, this conversation requires cake, I’ll be right back,” Emerie stated, jumping up from the table to retrieve the desired sweet. Gwyn looked to Nesta, hoping her friends would help her.
“Gwyn, if you’re comfortable with it, why don’t you start by telling us what you have done with Azriel?” Nesta suggested, her voice unusually gentle. “I know you haven’t done much, but we can help you better if we know where you’re at with him.”
Gwyn nodded, taking several calming breaths while they waited for Emerie to return. When the cake was acquired and they were all settled around the table again, Gwyn slowly explained as much as she could about what she had done with Azriel the previous night. Her sisters listened quietly, patiently waiting the few times Gwyn had to pause to collect herself when she became flustered.
By the time she was finished, she felt an odd sense of relief. Talking to Nesta and Emerie felt reassuring, like she didn’t have to figure out everything on her own. And she knew Azriel wouldn’t mind. He had said as much several times, and he knew how much comfort she took from speaking with her friends.
“Before I offer any advice, I have to say that I’m a little shocked,” Emerie admitted with wide eyes. “I never expected Azriel to be that romantic.”
“Neither did I, and I live with him,” Nesta agreed, stealing the remainder of Gwyn’s chocolate cake. Gwyn playfully shoved her away, waving her fork at her.
“Well, he is,” Gwyn said coyly, smiling at the memory of last night. Every time she thought about it, she was filled with happy butterflies. “He’s just a private person.”
Nesta and Emerie nodded knowingly, finishing off their cake before addressing Gwyn again.
“Okay, my advice,” Emerie began, folding her hands gracefully in front of her. “I’m not rushing you, but you should try facing your fears and try pleasuring yourself in the way that you’re worried about Azriel pleasuring you.”
“Yes, I agree,” Nesta said, returning to softly rubbing Gwyn’s back. “I know you’re nervous, but if you can do it on your own, then it might not be so scary with him.”
“Exactly,” Emerie nodded, squeezing Gwyn’s hand across the table. “Figure out what you like, then you’ll be able to explain to him what you want. Also, if you want to eventually have sex with him, then you’ll need to ease into it, so this will help.”
Gwyn rolled her shoulders back, mulling over the advice. “Okay, I think I can do that,” she slowly replied, her jaw set in determination. She could do this; she had her friends and Azriel for support. If she got anxious, she could just talk to them about it.
“Anything else?” She asked, staring between her friends. Emerie looked to Nesta, who thought for a moment before replying.
“I think you should try trusting Azriel a little more,” Nesta finally said, bringing a small frown to Gwyn’s lips. What did Nesta mean? She did trust Azriel. She opened her mouth to say as much, but Nesta quickly silenced her, already guessing what she was going to say.
“I know you trust him,” Nesta assured her. “But you keep worrying about how experienced he is instead of using it to your advantage.”
Gwyn raised an eyebrow, her confusion growing when Emerie eagerly nodded in agreement. “What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
“I mean, trust him to know what he’s doing,” Nesta explained, sipping her drink before continuing. “He wants to be with you, and he knows you’re anxious about these things, so let him help you. Let him guide you when you need it. He’s more than experienced enough to know how to make this easier for you. So let him. It’s okay to rely on someone else sometimes, Gwyn.”
Gwyn’s face sagged, a tumult of emotions rolling through her all at once. This is exactly why she had wanted to talk to her sisters; they knew her so well, even when she tried to deny it.
She couldn’t ignore how right Nesta was. She had worried about how experienced Azriel was, constantly fearing that he would think her silly for her lack of experience. Yet he had shown her at every chance that the disparity in their sexual history didn’t bother him. He had been nothing but patient with her, always making sure she felt good no matter what they did. Taking the lead when she asked, figuring out what she liked even when she wasn’t sure herself.
“I…I hadn’t really thought about it that way,” she admitted shyly, toying with the edge of the tablecloth.
“That’s okay,” Nesta consoled her with a squeeze of her shoulders. “Like Emerie said, that’s what we’re here for.”
She slowly smiled, looking between her two friends and thanking the cauldron for bringing them into her life. She still missed her twin, but she knew Catrin would love these two females as much as she did. They were every bit as much her sisters as Catrin was.
“Now, I have a question for you,” Emerie declared, straightening her tunic with a sly smile. Nesta grinned at her, laughing softly as Gwyn waited for Emerie to continue. “We’ve offered advice, but is there anything we can do to help you feel more confident in all of this?”
Gwyn thought for several moments, thinking back on everything they had discussed. Her friends had helped her more than they knew, but perhaps there was one more thing they could do. Something she had wanted to do but wasn’t sure she had the courage for.
“Actually, yes,” Gwyn finally said, meeting Nesta and Emerie’s curious gazes. “Ever since Mor’s birthday, I’ve wanted to go back to this store -”
“The lingerie one?” Nesta gasped, eyes going wide in delight. Gwyn shyly nodded, blushing when Emerie clapped her hands in excitement. “Oh, we can absolutely go there if you want. I was thinking of getting a few new pieces anyway.”
“Are you sure?” Gwyn questioned, wanting to be certain her friends weren’t too tired. “I’m not used to shopping at places like that, so I’m a bit slow making decisions. We don’t have to go.”
“Oh, we’re going,” Emerie insisted, waving her hands at Gwyn. “After the birthday present you gave Mor, I need to see this shop. And knowing you’re going to knock that cocky bat on his ass when he sees you in new lingerie just makes me want to go more.”
Gwyn burst into giggles, doubling over as Nesta began laughing next to her. Emerie grinned with pride, ushering them out of the restaurant while Nesta and Gwyn continued laughing. Gwyn leaned on Emerie, twining their arms together while Nesta led them toward the lingerie shop, the three of them giggling and chatting excitedly.
As they walked through the city, Gwyn felt a little lighter with each step, the advice and support from her sisters giving her the courage to move forward. No matter what happened, she knew she could count on them to be there for her, helping her in whatever way she needed as she ventured into unknown territory with Azriel.
