#sorry mobile users
A continuation of my appreciation and love for all de rolo bebbie HCs, here they are as I imagine them a little more grown up!
i especially love the idea of them having a small army of girls + 1 boy.
/a lot/ of HC rambling about these cuties under the read more!
I like to think the eldest would be rather attached to aunt cass so she’d probably be a little firm? She, along with the 2nd daughter, would be the most invested in Whitestone as a growing city and helping to govern it. I also love rapiers and they just look very fancy to me so she gets that!
And the youngest would feel the same attachment but to aunt keyleth, though i like to think that thanks to her longevity every kid would have an aunt kiki phase lol, she’s the consistently young and hip one!! Also plants and magic! It sticks with the youngest though, she’d be a fun little druid, a new generation of sun tree whisperer!
Their only son would be the biggest bookworm of the lot (i imagine they’d all love them though) and probably pick up spells/wizardry, I also still imagine that because of that he’d be incredibly invested in the history of vox machina, and especially Vax, I like to imagine Vex reading her children the stories of their adventures together. I think he’d grow his hair out for that reason. Also a little bit of a crybaby, probably.
The second daughter would be a real mommy’s girl, her mother is her hero in both fashion and fighting and governing and you can fight her about it, i guess. A little bit of a princess type during her younger years though. I imagine her growing to be a bit of a fancy paladin or cleric, rather than a ranger? Maybe a mix. She’d almost definitely be the next to take on the name of Pelor’s champion, in my mind.
Lastly, the twins would be dual wielding fiends and experts at tinkering, since I do love to draw them bothering their father, a lot?? maybe every time actually? I imagine, at first, vex would baby them or spoil them too much? Not out of favouritism, probably more out of fear. They’ve very much like her and vax though, getting into trouble every minute of every day. Made worse by the tinkering talent, of course. Nothing is safe anymore.
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I have nothing. I’m so tired of having nothing. and it hurts so much. even when I try to do what’s in my power to give my life meaning, it falls flat.
there are three things in life that will fulfill me, I just need one, at least enough to make my soul not a purely empty void, none of them are anywhere near being attainable.
1) someone who loves me
HAHAHA this will never happen, so I might as well skip this. no one ever, has apparently found me worthy enough of loving. oh well, maybe i’m incapable of love anyway. i just will forever feel empty without it. everyone makes it look so easy, and I wish I could fall in love like normal people do. (that’s the demi/ace/probably grayaro lyfe i guess)
2) have a comic
this sounds like something so in my power right? apparently not. just not good enough. trying hard doesn’t matter. i drew so many comics as a kid. it was really always part of who i am. my comics were bad rip-offs of things that I like. not uncommon way to start out right lol. but i can’t write a good enough story to even get to the grueling drawing part. I want to drawing a comic so bad. i have stories. I have so many stories (lol that’s because you use maladaptive daydreaming as a disassociation mechanism ever since you were a kid) but they’re self-indulgent, for me, if that makes sense. not stories to share. plus i want to draw a story with meaning and touch people. but my comic ideas, i have bits of plot but i’m not really a writer. i don’t yet a theme or ending, etc. and i want to work on something short ideally first to get my feet wet, and i just think of these epic-ly long things. collaboration is seeming impossible. And I’m already 30. i feel like i haven;t accomplished anything. nothing art wise. my illustration, nobody cares about. sell next to nothing in my store, for years. will never get to work on a children’s book or the like. and comics is entirely separate (let’s not even get into the problem of have two completely different art styles and how burdensome that is) the days are ticking, and i’ll never leave my mark on the world.
3) have a dog
yet again sounds fairly simple right?? Not if you work an hour away from home and are out of the house for almost 11hours a day and guess what, you have no SO to help you take care of it so the dog’s not alone all day and you’re literally just one depressed person with a somewhat finite amount of energy and definitely a limit of free time you can’t control because you gotta have a stable job and pay those $800/month student loans and a mortgage!! but even if you suck it up and pay $300-400/month for a dog walker, since it’s conceivably the ONLY way you’ll ever logistically be able to have a dog (that dog’s gotta pee sometime!!), there;s a million other hurdles like your INSANE cat and apparently every dog you’ve ever wanted online and met in person somehow slips away from you!! It’s have happened countless times. I have been trying to adopt a dog for over a year, on and off, because I keep failing and it’s literally so emotionally taxing. there’s this perfect dog rn i want but i can’t even wait a week. i know she’ll be gone by the time i could even get to her. every time i just want to permanently give up. i’m so tired. it’s impossible for me to voice how much a dog companion means to me. but couple that with an actually rational fear of biting off more than I can chew in caring for a dog as a single human being and being completely overwhelmed and regretful and shamed that i can’t man up and do more.
(tw: attack, blood, trauma)
OH and speaking of biting off. two weeks ago, my cat violently attacked me. i’ve had her for two years and she always had small bouts of redirected aggression. a year ago, LOL during fourth of july fireworks, she started violently attacking her tail endlessly. it was traumatizing. since then she’s been on medication and doing pretty good. but summer is a trap. too much stimuli. so past 10pm, I was leaving my room, I opened the door, I couldn’t see because I’m so blind and wasn’t wearing glasses, she was right there, and she lunged at me, she was screaming, i was screaming, and while trying to restrain herself, she not only scratched and bit up all over my arms, she literally chewed the nail and tip of my left index finger off. i had to go to the ER. in the middle of the night. and pay $300. a great time.
A pet, supposed to be a joy in your life, is nothing but stress. after a relapse like this, i don’t know if i will ever feel 100% comfortable around her again. i will always have to be at least a bit conscious of any warning signs. but i literally have no idea what triggered her. and i literally just opened my door, how could i look for warning signs!? how do i know it will never happen again? I already thought it wouldn’t happen after being good and medicated. how am i supposed to feel like i can leave her alone with another animal ever? can I ever get another pet? for the next 10-15 years?? am i stuck with nothing but a psycho cat forever? what did I do to deserve this unlucky fate? a compromised person dealt an even more compromising hand? why me…?
I am healing, but my finger is real janked up. i’m afraid i’ll never get proper nerve feeling back— in my dominant hand. i need it. i need it to draw. i can’t draw right now. i can’t lose my hand…it’s literally everything that I am. or at least, everything that’s left, that i could be. it should heal fine… i am just very tired.
i just want something. something to come home to. i have nothing. no friends even. nothing but my insane cat. before two weeks ago, i thought that could be enough for now. but now i can’t even feel good about that. and every time i see everyone with their perfect pets, their perfect lovers, perfect relationships, perfect vacations, perfect experiences, i’m just so tired and so sad. even if it’s not perfect, they at least have it. have it in some form. because i have nothing. nothing but a tumblr void to scream at. sorry y’all. everything hurts all the time, i just want to feel loved and meaningful, and that sure is proving that that is never going to happen.
