#spoonie student
This includes students who can’t write it all, students who can write but have difficulty writing neatly enough for others to read, students for whom handwriting is painful or fatiguing, and probably some other people as well. Remember that disability is almost never a binary thing; it’s totally valid to need help with tasks that involve handwriting even if you technically can write some.
These tips are aimed mainly at undergraduate students in the US, though high school students and graduate students may also find some of them useful, as may some people in other parts of the world.
These tips come primarily from my own experiences completing an undergraduate degree in math with a very limited ability to write. Remember that everyone’s body and experiences are different. You should consider these tips just as some suggestions or a starting place towards finding what works for you.
- Get registered with the disability services office on your campus. If you are struggling to write, then you have a disability. It doesn’t really matter what the underlying reason is, as long as you can get a doctor to write a letter for you stating your challenges and limitations.
- Depending on your school, disability services may be great or they may be useless. If they’re great, take advantage. If not, being registered with the office still give you official standing to go talk to your instructors about what you need.
- Talk to your professors/TAs/other instructors at the beginning of each semester. I’ve written a general guide on how to do this, an email template for a meeting request, and some thoughts on communicating chronic pain in particular. (Note: you don’t have to share the particulars of your disability if you don’t want to! I have generally been pretty open about mine, so that’s what I can give better advice about. But you should, of course, make your own decisions!)
- Stay in communication with your instructors throughout the semester. It’s always good practice to remind your instructors about your accommodations before any test/exam/field trip/other event where you need accommodations.
- And of course, ask for help in the course if you need it. Go to office hours. If your professor knows that you are an actual person, they are far more likely to be willing to work with you.
- Set boundaries. Especially if you have some ability to write, you may be tempted to try to do more writing than your body can handle. This might be because other people are pressuring you to be “normal,” because you are pressuring yourself to be “normal”, because it is a hassle to deal with getting appropriate accommodations in your classes, because you are embarrassed to ask for help, etc. For this reason, it is really important to know your own boundaries before you enter the classroom. For example:
- “I will sign documents, but that’s all the writing I’m going to do.”
- “I will handwrite things like homework, when I can set my own pace and use the right tools for me, but I will not try to handwrite anything in a classroom with time constraints.”
- “I will stop writing when the pain level in my hands reaches a 5 on a 10 point pain scale.”
- “I will complete multiple-choice tests and quizzes/exams requiring one or two word answers, but I won’t write anything longer than that.”
- Get your accommodations in order. Exactly what accommodations will work for each person is of course a very individual thing, but here are some that you might consider/discuss with your disability services counselor:
- a notetaker in your classes (usually just a peer who give you a copy of their notes after class),
- using assistive technology (some examples below) for in class assignments/quizzes/exams,
- working with a scribe for tests and exams,
- working with a scribe for handwritten homework,
- flexibility on assignment deadlines (when handwriting would be required in any part of the process of completing the assignment),
- extra time for quizzes and exams (either because your handwriting is slow or because you are using assistive technology that is slower than handwriting),
- unlimited untimed breaks during tests and exams (if you struggle with pain or fatigue, this gives you an opportunity to rest, stretch out your muscles, etc.).
- Consider assistive technology. These are tools that you can use in class, on your homework, and/or on tests and exams. The possibilities vary from low-tech and simple to more high-tech and expensive. If you have access, an occupational therapist or assistive technology specialist can help you find good options for you.
- Here are some things to consider to make any writing you choose to do easier:
- grips for your pencils/pens (therearelotsandlotsofthese, and you can even use hair curlers),
- a slant board to better position your paper,
- using a different writing instrument (soft leaded artists’ pencils, felt tip pens, markers, gel ballpoint pens have been helpful for me),
- using an electric eraser if you write in pencil and need to erase often,
- using some tool to keep your paper from sliding (e.g. a clipboard, slant board with a clip, Dycem on your desk underneath notebook/clipboard, using weights on your paper),
- writing on a chalkboard or whiteboard instead of paper,
- physical supports for your forearm (e.g. this, or diy something)
- a tool that helps hold the pencil/pen for you (e.g. thisorthisorthis).
- And some assistive technology to consider as a replacement for handwriting (used all the time or just sometimes depending on your needs):
- typing your work instead of writing by hand (perhaps with an ergonomic or otherwise alternative keyboard),
- speech to text software (Windows now includes this in the OS, so all you have to do is buy a headset),
- an eye gaze keyboard (this technology has come down and cost a lot in the past couple years, check out OptiKey if you are interested).
- If you get into a tough position where you aren’t sure how to complete an assignment with your disability-related limitations, ask for help! Generally speaking, it’s best to start with your professor or TA, though of course the disability services office may also be able to help. (The details will depend a lot on the people involved, so use your own best judgment.) Be clear when you’re talking to these people that you’re looking for help solving a problem, not asking to be excused from a course requirement.
- Sometimes the standard accommodations that your school is willing/able to provide won’t work for you. This could be because the accommodations are simply inadequate, because a particular course or field of study has challenges that the disability services office does not understand/did not anticipate, because you have many limitations due to multiple illnesses or disabilities, or for many other reasons. In this case, you have to get creative and enlist help from your allies. I can’t give you a formula for this, but I will share some of the more unusual accommodations that I have received at various times. Perhaps they will give you some ideas.
- For a few of my math courses, I obtained permission from the instructor to turn in a joint homework assignment with a peer. I think this request was approved largely because I had been a student in the math department for a few years, the professors knew both me and the other student, and we were both very strong students who had a genuine desire to learn the material.
- For many math courses, I completed my homework assignments by working the problems on my own (or with peers when allowed) and taking very succinct to notes for myself. I then had a scheduled time each week to meet with the professor and explain my solutions.
- I’ve taken lots and lots of oral exams, especially in math.
- I have submitted tape-recorded “essays” on exams in humanities courses.
- For short quizzes, I have met with the instructor or TA 10 minutes before the start of class to take the quiz orally.
I am reblogging this because I fixed some formatting and added a few more links to resources.
This includes students who can’t write it all, students who can write but have difficulty writing neatly enough for others to read, students for whom handwriting is painful or fatiguing, and probably some other people as well. Remember that disability is almost never a binary thing; it’s totally valid to need help with tasks that involve handwriting even if you technically can write some.
These tips are aimed mainly at undergraduate students in the US, though high school students and graduate students may also find some of them useful, as may some people in other parts of the world.
These tips come primarily from my own experiences completing an undergraduate degree in math with a very limited ability to write. Remember that everyone’s body and experiences are different. You should consider these tips just as some suggestions or a starting place towards finding what works for you.
- Get registered with the disability services office on your campus. If you are struggling to write, then you have a disability. It doesn’t really matter what the underlying reason is, as long as you can get a doctor to write a letter for you stating your challenges and limitations.
- Depending on your school, disability services may be great or they may be useless. If they’re great, take advantage. If not, being registered with the office still give you official standing to go talk to your instructors about what you need.
- Talk to your professors/TAs/other instructors at the beginning of each semester. I’ve written a general guide on how to do this, an email template for a meeting request, and some thoughts on communicating chronic pain in particular. (Note: you don’t have to share the particulars of your disability if you don’t want to! I have generally been pretty open about mine, so that’s what I can give better advice about. But you should, of course, make your own decisions!)
- Stay in communication with your instructors throughout the semester. It’s always good practice to remind your instructors about your accommodations before any test/exam/field trip/other event where you need accommodations.
- And of course, ask for help in the course if you need it. Go to office hours. If your professor knows that you are an actual person, they are far more likely to be willing to work with you.
- Set boundaries. Especially if you have some ability to write, you may be tempted to try to do more writing than your body can handle. This might be because other people are pressuring you to be “normal,” because you are pressuring yourself to be “normal”, because it is a hassle to deal with getting appropriate accommodations in your classes, because you are embarrassed to ask for help, etc. For this reason, it is really important to know your own boundaries before you enter the classroom. For example:
- “I will sign documents, but that’s all the writing I’m going to do.”
- “I will handwrite things like homework, when I can set my own pace and use the right tools for me, but I will not try to handwrite anything in a classroom with time constraints.”
- “I will stop writing when the pain level in my hands reaches a 5 on a 10 point pain scale.”
- “I will complete multiple-choice tests and quizzes/exams requiring one or two word answers, but I won’t write anything longer than that.”
- Get your accommodations in order. Exactly what accommodations will work for each person is of course a very individual thing, but here are some that you might consider/discuss with your disability services counselor:
- a notetaker in your classes (usually just a peer who give you a copy of their notes after class),
- using assistive technology (some examples below) for in class assignments/quizzes/exams,
- working with a scribe for tests and exams,
- working with a scribe for handwritten homework,
- flexibility on assignment deadlines (when handwriting would be required in any part of the process of completing the assignment),
- extra time for quizzes and exams (either because your handwriting is slow or because you are using assistive technology that is slower than handwriting),
- unlimited untimed breaks during tests and exams (if you struggle with pain or fatigue, this gives you an opportunity to rest, stretch out your muscles, etc.).
- Consider assistive technology. These are tools that you can use in class, on your homework, and/or on tests and exams. The possibilities vary from low-tech and simple to more high-tech and expensive. If you have access, an occupational therapist or assistive technology specialist can help you find good options for you.
- Here are some things to consider to make any writing you choose to do easier:
- grips for your pencils/pens (therearelotsandlotsofthese, and you can even use hair curlers),
- a slant board to better position your paper,
- using a different writing instrument (soft leaded artists’ pencils, felt tip pens, markers, gel ballpoint pens have been helpful for me),
- using an electric eraser if you write in pencil and need to erase often,
- using some tool to keep your paper from sliding (e.g. a clipboard, slant board with a clip, Dycem on your desk underneath notebook/clipboard, using weights on your paper),
- writing on a chalkboard or whiteboard instead of paper,
- physical supports for your forearm (e.g. this, or diy something)
- a tool that helps hold the pencil/pen for you (e.g. thisorthisorthis).
- And some assistive technology to consider as a replacement for handwriting (used all the time or just sometimes depending on your needs):
- typing your work instead of writing by hand (perhaps with an ergonomic or otherwise alternative keyboard),
- speech to text software (Windows now includes this in the OS, so all you have to do is buy a headset),
- an eye gaze keyboard (this technology has come down and cost a lot in the past couple years, check out OptiKey if you are interested).
- If you get into a tough position where you aren’t sure how to complete an assignment with your disability-related limitations, ask for help! Generally speaking, it’s best to start with your professor or TA, though of course the disability services office may also be able to help. (The details will depend a lot on the people involved, so use your own best judgment.) Be clear when you’re talking to these people that you’re looking for help solving a problem, not asking to be excused from a course requirement.
- Sometimes the standard accommodations that your school is willing/able to provide won’t work for you. This could be because the accommodations are simply inadequate, because a particular course or field of study has challenges that the disability services office does not understand/did not anticipate, because you have many limitations due to multiple illnesses or disabilities, or for many other reasons. In this case, you have to get creative and enlist help from your allies. I can’t give you a formula for this, but I will share some of the more unusual accommodations that I have received at various times. Perhaps they will give you some ideas.
- For a few of my math courses, I obtained permission from the instructor to turn in a joint homework assignment with a peer. I think this request was approved largely because I had been a student in the math department for a few years, the professors knew both me and the other student, and we were both very strong students who had a genuine desire to learn the material.
- For many math courses, I completed my homework assignments by working the problems on my own (or with peers when allowed) and taking very succinct to notes for myself. I then had a scheduled time each week to meet with the professor and explain my solutions.
- I’ve taken lots and lots of oral exams, especially in math.
- I have submitted tape-recorded “essays” on exams in humanities courses.
- For short quizzes, I have met with the instructor or TA 10 minutes before the start of class to take the quiz orally.
Accommodations don’t completely level the playing field between me and my peers.
Accommodations don’t change the fact this speaking math to a computer is at best half the speed of typing.
They don’t prevent my fatigue or help me stay awake in that early morning class (that wasn’t offered at any other time).
They don’t fix all of the inaccessible computer infrastructure or recoup the time that I spend emailing seven different departments about their inaccessible online trainings.
Accommodations can’t remove the stress of asking for extra help or give me extra hours in the day to study.
Accommodations don’t change the fact that, if my peers sleep eight hours a night while I need 10, my peers get an extra 14 hours per week to study or relax.
Accommodations don’t remove the fog that clouds my brain when sensory stimuli overwhelm me.
They can’t stop pain from breaking my focus on my academic work.
Accommodations are crucial, but they don’t remove the effects of my disability.
Accommodations give me a tiny foothold, a place to start, but I still have to climb a huge, icy mountain myself.
I have to go have a meeting with a professor today about my needs as a disabled student. I’ve done this dozens of times before, but this is the first time in a few semesters. And it is making me so anxious. You would think that I would have enough mastery of self advocacy by now that this wouldn’t be such a big deal. And yet, here I am, with my heart racing and my jaw clenching just thinking about it. Honestly, I am so tired of having to do all the things that “normal” people never have to do. I’m just sick of it.
I’m going to write about some events that happened between my advisor and I about a month ago. Thinking about some of this is still pretty stressful for me, but I do think that writing will help the process some of what happened. Also, if the following makes absolutely no sense, you now know why.
I feel extremely betrayed. I had trusted my advisor. I had thought that she understood and respected my limitations and my boundaries. Apparently I was wrong.
Though I could sense a growing tension in our relationship for months beforehand, the first issue came directly after my thesis proposal defense. This is a step of the PhD process where you write a document outlining the research steps you intend to take in the questions you intend to answer. You then present this plan to a committee and have to answer their questions.
I passed my defense. I was able to answer all of the technical questions from committee members, and my written proposal was also approved.
I’d been working hard on my proposal for nearly a year. I was technically “late” in defending my proposal, but I was officially granted an extension due to my disability and other health circumstances. Just to lay some of those out for you:
-I was diagnosed with sleep apnea in February of my first year in the program. This means that I literally slept through most of my first year courses. I then had to take comprehensive exams over the material, which meant that I spent my first summer studying frantically. I did pass the exams, but I did not have time in that first year to begin a research project.
-I can’t type without excruciating pain! I do use other tools like speech to text and eye gaze, but these are much slower than typing.
-I have a limited capacity to write by hand before I develop excruciating pain.
-I’m extremely sensitive to uncomfortable furniture and generally need ergonomic tools in order to even sit at a computer monitor or read a textbook.
The list goes on, but you get the idea.
Therefore, completing my proposal, even a few months later than officially required, was a big accomplishment!
Additionally, I had worked through a lot of pain to achieve this. Some of that pain was caused by the necessary work. I thought I deserved some credit and some space to rest.
When I met with my advisor two days after my proposal defense, her feedback for me was “I really wish you had gotten this done six months ago.”
She told me that, basically, she thought I had just been procrastinating for the past six months. Nevermind that it took me about two months to tackle the task of literally writing the proposal, at least a month to make the 2 figures that were included, and many months to read all of the necessary background literature. Also, nevermind the fact that I had actually asked her to read a draft of my proposal the previous summer, which she never found the time to do. Oh, and I suppose we should also conveniently forget about the multiple of the research projects I was involved with, the fact that I was helping a postdoc get up to speed with the technology we used in the group, and the administrative work I was doing documenting the various software tools we used in the group.
Her read on the situation was that I was anxious (true), didn’t want to do the proposal (actually false), and had therefore chosen to simply procrastinate (clearly false).
This probably should’ve been a big red flag.
But I carried on working with her. And then we had a series of meetings in May. I’m not going to attempt to cover everything that happened in those meetings, but I am going to pull some highlights.
The first of these meetings occurred on a day when I was already in a bad mental health place. In the report that I write before each meeting, I included a note stating that I was in a bad mental health place and would prefer to have a very brief meeting. The way I wrote this note, I intended to imply that I would prefer that she just signed the paper I needed her to sign and then let me go home and take care of myself. Though I did not say that explicitly.
My advisor did not respect my wishes for a short meeting. Instead, she dove face first into discussion of a project that was currently stressing her out. In retrospect, I wish I had enforced my boundary more strongly and informed her that I needed to leave. But I didn’t do that.
We discussed the grant that was funding my RAship. We had never discussed this before, and I actually didn’t even know which granted was that was funding me. But I learned that I had not been contributing much to the specific projects funded by that grant, and my advisor was upset about it. She treated this as if it was my fault, even though I did not have the necessary information.
She really wanted me to finish this one particular project that had been started by a previous student. Working on this project would require a lot of time at the computer, and I wanted to prioritize working on a current paper I’m writing in my limited computer time. When I told her this, and shared that I did not think the deadlines she had posed were realistic given my limited capacity to use a computer, she got very angry. She told me how my limitations were very frustrating to her. Her exact words: “There is always a reason why you can’t do what I ask you to do.”
I thought she understood that I had limitations and was okay with that. Apparently not. Apparently my limitations were simply not okay with her and she was taking it out on me.
Later in our conversation, she said something else to me that set off alarm bells: “You really need to have a more can-do attitude.”
She was referring to the many tasks that I do struggle to complete and tell her should probably be delegated to somebody else. The implication is that I should find some new assistive technology or assistance. I do believe that she legitimately does not know how difficult this can be. And I know she does not understand the degree to which resources simply do not exist.
But, in the face of this, I don’t need to work on having a can-do attitude. I already have a can-do attitude. I had to invent my own system to make it possible to write math using speech to text software. I’ve found hundreds of little modifications or hacks to help me with household tasks. I navigated the world of assistive technology with no professional help. I figured out mobility aids with no professional help. I was told by many well-meaning authority figures that I should pick an easier major than mathematics, given the limitations of my disability. I ignored them, earned a bachelors degree in mathematics, and went to grad school.
Saying that I need a can-do attitude reveals how little my advisor understands about the real struggles of disability, and it’s also frankly offensive.
She accused me of not contributing to group projects (which is just false). She implied that I was lazy. She expressed resentment over the fact that her grant had been funding me. She again brought up my proposal and how she wished I had completed it sooner. Regarding my anxiety, she told me that I needed to “grow up.”
The stress and anxiety from these meetings was making me physically sick. At times, I was unable to eat because I was nauseous. I was holding a lot of tension in my muscles, leading to increased pain. I was struggling to sleep.
I’ve had enough experience with my health to know that I couldn’t let this go on. I went to a couple of other professors in my department to let them know what was going on. As a “crisis management” solution, they were able to find another funding source for me for the summer, and I have been working on a collaboration with a different professor.
These interactions marked a clear downturn in my mental health. Since then, I’ve primarily been focusing on trying to rebuild my mental health. I’m seeing a therapist who I really like, and I saw a psychiatrist for the first time a couple of weeks ago. It’s hard, but I’m taking it one day at a time.
It’s not yet official, but, in the weeks since these incidents, I realized that I needed a new advisor. The unreasonable expectations of my advisor had crept into my brain and are still contributing significantly to my anxiety. I won’t be able to completely avoid interacting with her, but I am convinced that I will not allow her to continue to have official authority over me.
I do need to figure out who I would like to advise me instead. There are a couple of logical candidates, one of which I like (but I’m not sure if he’s currently taking students), and another one who makes me a little uncomfortable (but I know she has an opening for a new student). I will be talking with people over the next few weeks and working out my next steps academically.
But my main focus will stay on my mental health. It is better than it was, but still feels precarious. The psychiatrist I saw did increase the dose of my antidepressant (which I was already taking for pain). I’m hoping it will help, but it’s too soon to say. In the meantime, I’m focusing on one day at a time.
