“What,” Glanni began, horror crawling up his spine like a nightmare, “are you doing?”
Swallowing his mouthful, Sportacus answered, “Having a snack.” He said this as casually as if he were mowing the grass. The two were standing in Lazytown’s park. The kids had gone inside for lunch and the couple had some time alone.
His boyfriend was too powerful, Glanni decided in that moment. Slightly-Above-Average Glanni’s ass; Sportacus had to be Way-Above-Average at least. Sportacus took another bite of his ‘snack’ and Glanni’s whole body shivered.
“What you are eating?” Maybe his eyes were playing tricks. Maybe this was a prank.
All of these fics will be cross-posted to AO3 [username indigorose50]. Link on my blog!
It was a mark of how desperate Sportacus was that he sought out Robbie for help. He and Robbie had enjoyed a semi-truce lately: Sportacus had steered the kids away from Robbie’s favorite napping spots and Robbie hadn’t tried to kick Sportacus out of town. Even so, asking Robbie for help was a last ditch effort.
Robbie answered the knocking on his hatch with a glare ready in place. “What?” He snapped.
This one may not feel whole, or rushed, but that’s because I went from “I dunno what to write” to “shit I have another 15k fic on my hands” in, like, 0.2 seconds. I may expand upon this idea in a full story later if there’s interest but…not right now.
Day #5 - Dancing/Singing ———————————–
“No!”
Eyes began to turn to see what the commotion was about. The young blond in the doorway shrank back, the teenager looking like he was about to bolt. Seeing so many people staring at him made the entire situation worse, it seemed, because the young man’s face began to turn a distinctive pink, his eyes growing wider and wider with fear the longer the moment stretched on.
The pair of adults standing with him did not seem to notice the boy’s discomfort. One of them, the shorter of the pair, looked remarkably similar to the teenager, right down to their matching pencil mustaches, though at that age, his son’s looked more like a cheap imitation that anything. He sighed, shaking his head.
“We came all the way here, Alex. What do you mean no?”
Gotta hit up this ship twice. Glad I could make it to the end of the week! Hope you all have enjoyed this Ship Week! <3
[all fics can be read via ao3. Username indigorose50. I also have a ko-fi on my profile!]
Robbie sat on the beach. The sky was clear and beautiful. A slight breeze tickled the sand around him, including the thick layer piled over his legs to give him the appearance of a mermaid tail. Beside him sat Sportacus, nursing a water bottle and looking out at the ocean.
“I, for one,” Robbie began, voice soaked in malice, “am soglad that the kids decided to visit us during our honeymoon because they ‘thought we might get bored’.”
Sportacus chuckled and dropped a kiss to the top of his head. “I think it’s sweet.”
“Have you been bored?”
“Never when I’m with you.”
“Good.” Robbie jerked his chin towards the shore. “Then make them leave.”
The kids were playing by the ocean. Ziggy and Pixel were constructing a sandcastle, Stingy was making his own ‘Stingy Castle’, and Stephanie and Trixie were splashing each other in the waves.
“I already gave Milford a call,” Sportacus explained. “He’s going to tell everyone about the kids stowing away on the ship. They should all be picked up by the morning. We will still have the rest of the week to ourselves.”
Robbie grumbled, kicking his legs free of his sandy mer-tail. “We’ll have to babysit until then, won’t we?”
“You love them. Stop pretending.”
“It’s not unreasonable to want to spend your honeymoon alone with your husband!”
“It’s just one day, Robbie.” Sportacus stood up, capping his water bottle and tossing it to the blanket. He reached out a hand to Robbie. “Let’s go play!”
Every fiber of Robbie’s being rejected the idea of being active while on vacation but he really was no match for those pleading eyes and heartwarming smile. He let himself be guided to the shoreline. All the kids’ heads turned at their arrival. With sandy hands and sunburnt noses they smiled and waved Robbie over.
“Robbie! Can you help us decorate?” Ziggy called. Pixel had an armload of shells and looked hopeful.
“No! Let’s have a splash fight!” Trixie cried over the waves. “You can be on my team!”
Hours later, Robbie lay back on a chaise lounge beach chair. Cuddle into his sides were a worn out Stingy and Pixel. Sportacus lay next to him, asleep with Stephanie curled in his lap. Ziggy and Trixie slept on the pile of beach blankets beside them, their heads pillowed by water wings.
Robbie couldn’t hold in a smile as the dying sun tinted Sportacus’ blond hair all sorts of colors. Maybe spending the first day of your honeymoon with children was unconventional, but Robbie had enjoyed every minute of it. Not that he would ever admit that out loud.
But, as Sportacus’ opened sleep-heavy eyes and smiled up at him, Robbie figured he didn’t have to.
I love YouTuber AUs but can never get them across well in fic form. Hope this is clear enough! Also I beg you to check out some of the make up used here, I promise it makes it funnier XD
“And we’re going to finish off today with the Charlotte Tilbury Filmstar bronzer and highlighter.” Glanni held up the pallet for the camera. “It’s something like 50 bucks, who can remember, but it’s a good one, Glæpurettes.” Opening it, he patted his brush into the bronzer.
Glanni Glæpur, one of the most famous beauty gurus on YouTube, stared at the brush before licking it. He smacked his lips. “Dry. Tastes nothing like bronze.” With a shrug, he applied it to his face.
I admit, I gave myself the Feels writing this. ——————————————————–
The pounding at his window jolted the boy from his video game. He looked up in surprised confusion, startled to see the long, familiar face of Robbie Rotten, the laziest man in all of LazyTown, looking at him with almost comically large eyes. They stared at one another in silence for a few long seconds before Robbie rapped loudly on the window once again.
“Prickle!” he whined, his voice muffled by the glass. “I need your help!”
A dark shadow blocked out the cozy sunshine. Glanni whined in protest, opening an eye and squinting for a moment before lifting his sunglasses to his forehead and replacing his hand behind his head.
“You tire yourself out already?” Glanni asked with a yawn from where he was sprawled on the blanket. “That has to be a new record.”
Sportacus laughed, hands clasped behind his back as he admired the image of his, admittedly, unlikely boyfriend lounging on his own beach towel. Something about seeing the renowned criminal relaxing against the backdrop of his own heroic colors just sent his heart an affectionate flutter. After staying on his feet for another second, just to take in the sight of the other man for that much longer, Sportacus spun around to sit at Glanni’s side.
“Not tired at all,” he said cheerfully, leaning over to give Glanni a peck on the cheek. “I just missed you.”
“Charming little shit,” Glanni giggled, tilting up his chin and smacking his lips together. “Get down here so I can kiss you.”
It was a good thing the children weren’t around, or Sportacus would have been horrified with Glanni’s language. Luckily, it was a nice, quiet day away from all responsibility and worry. The kids were all home working on science fair projects, and Milford had even promised not to partake in any physical labor of any sort to ensure that Sportacus could have a lovely, uninterrupted date with his significant other. He leaned over to let his lips brush Glanni’s, enjoying the minty freshness that showed just how considerate the man could be in his presence.
“Will you come swimming with me?” Sportacus asked hopefully.
Glanni sighed, falling silent for a few seconds as he mulled over the prospect. Eventually, he sighed and pulled his hands out from under his head to better reach out and pull Sportacus down to him, smothering his own body in that of the wonderfully bare-chested hero. The criminal let his fingertips dance over the back of Sportacus’ neck as he met the man’s lips with his own for a long, lovely kiss.
“Is that a maybe?” the hero snickered only after they parted.
“Foryou, I’ll consider it,” Glanni relented. “It’ll give you a taste of your own medicine, you awful man.”
The hero looked genuinely confused at the statement. “What do you mean?”
“Can’t have you being the only god in swim shorts and sparkling in the sunlight with water dripping down his gorgeous stomach—” Glanni traced a finger down the hero’s front as he spoke. “—looking like the most beautiful, alluring man on the goddamn planet…” He gave Sportacus a wink. “’Cause I’m gonna put you to shame.”
Sportacus giggled, leaning in to kiss his partner again, more briefly this time. “I’m glad. It will be fun, Glanni. You’ll like it.”
“I know I will,” the man purred. “But…after a snack. You’re always going on about high duration or whatever, right?”
The hero rolled his eyes. “Hydration, Glanni. It means drinking water to make sure you—”
“Bleh,” the other man interrupted, scrunching his nose. “Nasty stuff. I’ll stick to my soda, thank you.”
Sportacus’ smile wavered. “Glanni, soda isn’t good for you. You shouldn’t drink it all the time. It doesn’t help you stay hydrated at all, it—”
The hero fell silent at the touch of Glanni’s finger upon his lips.
“Sporty, what did I say about the lectures?”
The blond pouted.
“I do your little twenty times time, I let you wake me up at the crack of ten o’clock, I even let you guilt me into having an entire day every damn week where I don’t have any candy. You try to talk me out of my soda and I’ll have to give something else up instead, understand?”
Sportacus frowned around Glanni’s index finger, his mustache drooping ever so slightly.
“’M un’leh terin’ ter—”
“I know, I know you’re only trying to look out for me, Sweetie, but you overdo it. Sometimes you’re as bad as the yellow menace at home.”
Sportacus frowned, tilting his head in curiosity when Glanni pulled back his finger and pushed Sportacus off of him so he could sit up properly. The hero blinked, staring at the sky for a moment before turning his head to gaze at his boyfriend again.
“I just worry about you,” the hero said from where he now laid. “I know you do not like healthy things, Glanni, but they’re good for you! I want you to feel good and be healthy and…live a long life.”
“Health is more individualized than you think,” Glanni sighed contently, rolling his shoulders. “Anyway, if you’re going to have me running around out there looking like a drowning fool, we should fuel up first, don’t you think?”
Sportacus smiled at the change in subject, sitting back up so quickly that Glanni startled at the movement.
“That’s a good idea!” the hero agreed. “It’s important to have regular breaks when you’re playing, especially outside,” he recited as he reached for his small, blue cooler.
Glanni gave a noncommittal hum in response as he reached into a large floral patterned beach bag to produce a small, pink cooler of his own.
“Oh, you have your own! That was very smart planning, Glanni.”
The con man flashed a smile at his boyfriend and set it in his lap. “Of course. Can’t have my goodies mixing with your little sports muffins or whatever and having you go into overload.”
Sportacus laughed and nodded. “We wouldn’t want to do that again,” he agreed. “Though I feel like I probably packed too much, now. I brought extra in case you wanted to try anything.”
Glanni waved a hand and lowered his sunglasses again as the sun emerged once more from behind a fluffy cloud overhead. “You knock yourself out. I have my orange slices anyway.”
The hero paused, hand frozen in mid-air where it held his sandwich. Glanni didn’t seem to notice and set about unlocking the lid to his cooler.
“You have orange slices?” Sportacus asked in amazement.
Glanni gave him a curious look, one eyebrow raising above his sunglasses. “Yes.”
“That you’ll eat?”
“They’re good! What, I can’t have one sportscandy that I like?”
“I didn’t think you liked any!” Sportacus replied with a grand smile. “That’s wonderful, Glanni! I’m so hap….”
His words died in his throat when he saw what his partner was pulling out of the cooler. It was spherical, yes; orange, yes; but that was definitely not sportscandy. Sportscandy wasn’t made out of tinfoil wrappers.
“Glanni, what is that?” he asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.
The thin man gave him a look. “What does it look like? Orange slices.”
Sportacus could practically feel the blood draining from his face at the sight of Glanni unfurling the wrapper to reveal the wedges of chocolate arranged in a sphere within, each of them attached to a center spindle. He couldn’t decide whether he should be intrigued or disgusted at the level of detail in the wedge that Glanni picked from the bunch and raised to his lips. The chocolate pieces were all textured to look like actual orange slices, only…they weren’t. They weren’t and they could never be.
“Glanni, that’s not an orange.”
“What are you talking about? Of course it is. The package said so.”
Sportacus felt his shoulders drop. “You of all people should know that packaging doesn’t always tell the whole truth!” he pointed out. “Glanni, that’s candy, not sportscandy!”
“Says you.”
The hero nodded. “I do! That’s chocolate! Ah…here!” He set his sandwich aside and rummaged around in his cooler for a moment, soon producing a piece of fruit. “This is an orange!”
Glanni’s jaw dropped as he stared at the round thing. He tilted his head for a better view, inspecting every angle of the thing in Sportacus’ hand. After a moment, he blinked a few times and sat back. “Huh. Well, would you look at that,” he said in vague surprise. Glanni shrugged and popped another chocolate slice into his mouth.
“Glanni!”
“What?” the criminal whined. “I like mine better.”
Sportacus sighed, shaking his head as he watched his unlikely beloved eat his faux sportscandy. “What am I going to do with you?” he asked, a faint smile on his lips.
Glanni grinned, wiggling as he secured his comfort on his towel. “Give me a cuddle while I enjoy my orange slices and watch the water with me?”
The hero’s heart fluttered again and he moved closer to cradle the other man against him while they both ate. “I can do that.”
I’m a day late, but still wanted to join in! I’m away atm and only have a HB to draw with, so hopefully this little doodle will be okay! Hope flowers count ☺️❤️
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” the girl whispered.
“Of course I’m sure! What do you take me for?” the man hissed back.
“I dunno. Some of your ideas are…well, you know…”
“My ideas are what, exactly?”
“Uh…perfect?”
“That’s what I thought you said,” he huffed.
The girl just sighed and shook her head while the man sitting by her side prepped the device between them. She shrugged and turned back to the pair of purple binoculars in her hands, leaning over to try and get a better view of the path. Robbie busied himself setting their ammunition in place.
Trixie resumed her watch with the comically large binoculars pressed closely to her face. Their previous victim, Ziggy, had absolutely loved the prank and both she and her partner in crime were ready to spring their fine-tuned trap on another unsuspecting pedestrian.
“See anyone?” Robbie whispered, rustling the leaves of their hide-away bush when he leaned over to do so.
“If I did, they’d know we were here already!” she snapped back with a hiss. “You’re too loud!”
“I’m too loud—?” The bush rattled again as the villain got his voice back under control, returning to a subdued whisper quickly. “I’m too loud? What about you? People in Siberia could hear your breathing!”
“As if!”
Robbieharrumphed and the pair went back to their stake-out. It was a little disappointing that there was so little foot traffic for such a nice day, but they could wait. It would be worth it. And at least it was warm out, and they had some sturdy branches to keep comfortable while they waited. It was so comfortable, in fact, that Robbie had started to doze off when he was suddenly smacked in the ribs by a small hand. He let out a yelp only to have that same hand immediately cover his mouth. Trixie glared at him. He licked her palm, daring to face the nasty child germs that resided there just to watch the look of silent horror on her face as he yanked her hand away and began wiping it furiously on her pants. Heh. Worth it.
“Gross!” she whined as quietly as she could manage.
“Serves you right,” Robbie whispered back.
“You were gonna start snoring and ruin everything!” Before her companion could give a retort, the girl pointed through the leaves. “See! Someone’s coming!”
Even without his binoculars, Robbie could see the shape of a humanoid figure approaching, and quickly! He gasped, flailing around and shaking their hiding place terribly as he got himself into position. Trixie huffed at him in annoyance, but held the binoculars up to her eyes and fell into the intense concentration that only a well-executed prank could bring to her.
“Steady,” she whispered.
Robbie’s fingers twitched in anticipation.
“Almost…”
His lip curled excitedly into a menacing grin.
“Get ready.”
The man’s hand was poised over the release switch, just waiting for the little girl’s signal.
“And…now!”
Robbie slapped the release with all his strength. A pair of arms parted the shrubbery to make way for the immense pie that was flung out by his ingeniously crafted slingshot. The pie whistled as it flew through the air, hitting its target with a thick, wet slorp that was just music to Robbie’s evil ears. A loud thud soon followed, and Robbie and Trixie alike jumped to their feet. Roaring in jubilant glee, they popped out from their bush to see who had be unlucky enough to walk into their delicious trap. The cheering and laughter soon stopped, however, when they recognized the victim.
“Sportacus!” Robbie yelped, hands flying up to grasp at his hair. He turned immediately to Trixie. “You didn’t tell me it was Sportaflop!”
The girl held up her hands as she shook her head, mouth agape in shock for a moment. “I couldn’t tell! I didn’t have a great view and…”
Robbie waved her away. There was no time for squabbling; Sportacus needed him! Robbie tumbled out of the suddenly obstructive bush to get to the boyfriend that was lifelessly sprawled on his back in the middle of the walkway. He only tripped twice on the way, shedding leaves and sticks as he went.
“Of all the times for me to have perfect aim!” he cried as he fell to his knees beside the town hero. “Oh no,” he moaned as he looked upon the unconscious hero. “Oh, I am in so much trouble…” With shaking hands, he pried away the pie tin that covered Sportacus’ face. Seeing the hero’s pie-covered image made Robbie cringe. “…I’m going to be in the doghouse forever.”
Trixie crept closer to the scene, trying to get a better look at the sugary carnage.
“Is he okay?” she asked hesitantly.
Robbie chewed nervously on his lower lip while desperately trying to wipe his boyfriend’s face clean of pie. “Does he look okay, Tricky?” His voice sounded much higher than usual.
The little girl was undeterred. “He didn’t….you know…did he?”
Robbie let out a squeak before answering. “If you’re asking if I gave my boyfriend a sugar meltdown by throwing a pie right at his stupid hero mouth, then yes! Yes I did!” Robbie cried. He clutched his temples, his pie-covered hands smearing the stuff through his hair. “Go get me some sportscandy or something! We have to wake him up!”
“I can’t.”
The villain’s head whipped toward the child so quickly that one might worry that Robbie had snapped his own neck. “What?”
“I can’t!” Trixie cried, throwing up her hands. “There isn’t any! We were picking all the apples and all that stuff yesterday! There’s nothing left!”
“Nothing left?” Robbie shrieked.
“That’s what I said!”
“How in the name of villainy can there be an apple shortage in the apple capital of the world?”
Trixie made a face. “In the what…?”
Robbie ignored her, already having moved on to Plan B. It wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had, but he was desperate. He grabbed a fistful of nearby turf and patted Sportacus’ cheek, hoping the sensation might help bring some sense back to the town hero. Oh, he hoped this worked.
“Okay, Sportaconcious, you’ve gotta work with me here. You, uh…you like salad, right?” He looked dubiously at his handful of grass. “It’s, uh…all natural.”
Someone snorted.
Robbie growled, looking over his shoulder at the little girl standing there. She was smiling, but shrugged. “Wasn’t me,” she said, sinking a bit into her own shoulders as she spoke, as though she was trying to hold in laughter.
There was another amused snort nearby and, for lack of anywhere else to look, Robbie looked back down at his boyfriend. Sportacus was smiling. Another snort and the hero fell into outright laughter, finally opening his eyes. Robbie’s jaw dropped at the sight of it.
“You’re…but the pie…how…what?”
Sportacus giggled, eyes giving his boyfriend’s hand a quick glance. “Were…were you going to try and feed me grass?” the hero laughed.
Robbie continued to stare, frozen in place at the revelation that the elf was still conscious after taking a pie to the face. “You’re—?”
“Surprise!” Sportacus chucked, sitting up and delivering a cream-covered kiss to Robbie’s cheek.
“But how!”
Now it was Trixie’s turn to giggle. “It’s easy when the pie doesn’t have any sugar in it!” she said, proudly setting her hands on her hips. “Sportacus and I planned everything.”
Robbie gaped at the two of them, looking back and forth in amazement. “You—you tricked me? You? But you’re the hero! And You—!” He pointed back at Trixie. “—We were supposed to be partners!”
“Playing the long con!” the little girl said with a confident grin.
Sportacus wiped some of the pie remnants from around his eyes. “It was a good joke, wasn’t it, Robbie? When Trixie told me about it I just couldn’t resist.”
Robbie looked back at his pie-covered boyfriend in amazement. “I…” He shook his head, shoulders relaxing slightly now that he finally began to realize Sportacus was okay, despite looking like some kind of whipped cream monster. “I am a terrible influence on you!”
Sportacus snickered for a moment before bursting into laughter again. Robbie couldn’t help himself. Slowly, he felt himself smile and begin to laugh, too. Trixie beamed, watching the pair as Sportacus playfully smushed some of the leftover pie into Robbie’s face to make the villain laugh even harder. She only looked away when the pair began to kiss. Even without pie everywhere, kissing was just gross.
