“Can I share something with you from earlier today?”
“What is it, Samus?”
“Well, I sent you a text..”
“Mmhm.”
“…early in the morning”
“Yeah.
“Because I have to go out of town for one weekend this month, and so, I was like, I won’t give specific dates, but “do you have any preference whether I go this weekend, or the next weekend?”.”
“Mmhm.”
“Your response.. At 9:30 in the morning..”
“MOTHERFUCKING JESSE EISENBERG JESUS CHRIST FUCK DUDE MOTHERFUCKING FACEBOOK MOVIE BULLSHIT JESUS CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT!?”
*bursts out laughing*
“No—no…no punctuation…. random captialization.”
“So I respond, “I have no idea what we’re talking about right now.” Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you:”
“GODDAMN CREATED FACEBOOK AND FUCKING LAYWERS AND SHIT RIGHT FUCKING WINKLEVOSS TWINS GODDAMN ROWING THE BOAT FUCK YO SHIT I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT FUCK I JUST WATCHED THIS SHIT FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN”
“HAHAHA!!!”
“I respond, “Cynthia, you’re scaring me.” An hour passes. You respond,”
“MOTHERFUCKING SPIDERMAN, SPIDERMAN, YOU PUT IN THE TIME, FUCK PUT IN THE TIME!! MOTHERFUCKING BUILD SHIT WITH HIS BARE HANDS FUCKING BEST FRIEND SHIT JESSE EISENBERG …I’m very tired.”
“PFFFFF”
“I’m just like, “No problem, man. I’ll do most of the talking at the Blondes session today.” Immediate, like, response, I’m talkin’ like five seconds later:”
“NO MAN I’LL JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE ALL DAY SHIT MAN YOU HAVE TO BE SO INTERESTED IN THE SHIT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE DUDE FUCK I JUST WATCHED IT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN HE FUCKED OVER SPIDERMAN CRAZY WINKLEVOSS TWINS ROWING TRENT RESIN OR DID THE SOUNDTRACK FUCK THIS GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK I DON’T LIKE DYING I CAN’T THINK OF WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK ALL I CAN THINK IS THE GUY WHO PLAYED THE GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK!?”
“And then, in all capital letters, two hours later…”
