#su fanfic

Something Better - Chapter 22 - faelapis - Steven Universe (Cartoon) [Archive of Our Own]

Something Better chapter 22, “The Last Crystal Gem”, is out now!

Something Better is my post-Future canon compliant Jasper fanfic, her search to find purpose in life without a Diamond, without Steven, and without knowing who she is anymore.

In this chapter… look, it’s a lot. You’re just gonna have to strap in.

jasper’s gonna have to confront a very, er, “unique” version of the trolley problem in this chapter.

newsomething better tomorrow or sunday!

whenever i’m Extra slow at updating i worry that people think its abandoned but we’ve all had longer hiatuses before lol

huge fan of the various expressions i’ve seen of existentialism lately, usually in the form of a kind of sartre-inspired existential atheism / absurdism of living without purpose, hierarchy, set meaning or true finality + the bittersweetness of constantly trying to find lasting connection and happiness that way (steven universe, su future, everything everywhere all at once).

but also. also. when am i getting a kirkegaard “either/or” type show which examines, from a more spiritual or “sartre-critical” light, the way that a lot of our lives without meaning becomes distractions, that the aesthete seemingly cannot be happy in a lasting way and is always afraid of boredom. like yes i do yearn for a new interesting thing to come along which can never last, and always returns to boredom. basically comparing and contrasting the apollonian vs dionysian urges of selfless purpose vs selfish pleasure.

and by “when,” i mean that actually may or may not have some kind of plan similar in my fic “something better,” and this contradiction may be further exploring this topic in SU but with greater emphasis on the complications and critique of a selfish life, even if it doesn’t steer totally into “either/or” territory.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Loyal Soldier

After dusting herself off, making sure the twigs and leaves were out of her hair, Spinel strapped the duffle-bag over her shoulders and hurried her way down the forest path. It was dark and she could barely see, but she couldn’t just sit and wait until morning. She didn’t even know how long she had been out of it. For all she knew, a whole day could have gone by. Everything had become such a horrible jumbled mess. Honestly, that dream, or whatever it was, messed with her head a bit. Not to mention that strange pink Steven she saw before she passed out and the terrible pain in her stomach.

“Stop thinking about it…” Spinel muttered to herself, trying to put it out of her mind. Even the Steven in her dreams told her not to worry about what was happening right now. Unfortunately, it was harder to walk around in the dark than she anticipated. She nearly fell forward twice after stubbing her toes on some unseen rocks and she finally took a tumble when she caught her foot in a small hole. She cursed audibly as she fell against the hard ground, deciding that it was a good opportunity to take a break. She wasn’t sure how long she had been walking, but there was no way she could find a source of water in the dark like this.
With an annoyed huff, Spinel sat atop the duffle-bag and took off the shoes that Steven had bought her in order to rub her now pained feet. Now she was all alone in the dark.

“You’re an idiot…” Spinel sniffed, feeling frustrated and confused. Why did Steven sacrifice himself once again? Didn’t they talk about this before? They were supposed to help each other, weren’t they? Besides, that Garnet woman had told her to stay with Steven or something terrible would happen to him. What if that was true? What if Steven…died while she was away from him?

“That won’t happen…” Spinel whispered, touching her hand over her Gem. At the very least, she and Steven were bonded due to another reckless act of his. If he died, she would feel it. so for the moment, she could take some comfort in that, even if it made this all feel more like a ticking time bomb. Another benefit to this bond, was that she could find him wherever he might be. The only problem was, to use magic she would have to be in mermaid form, which meant she needed a good source of water. It was also a rather painful process for the one casting it.

With a heavy sigh, Spinel was already feeling overwhelmed. How was she supposed to do all of this on her own? Honestly, it was rather daunting. It seemed as though she was about to wage war on the humans and she was greatly outnumbered. Especially considering she couldn’t fight in her current form. She was at the biggest disadvantage on land without Steven and it irritated her even more that she had been relying on him so much, leaving her nearly helpless now. Spinel hugged her legs to her chest, resting her head on her knees as she stared out into the dark and listened to the low breeze against the trees. It wasn’t until she stopped and listened did Spinel start to hear footsteps in the distance. She flinched, but quickly froze in order to try and hear more.

As far as she could tell, it was only one person, but their steps were wide and heavy. They must have been rather tall. She couldn’t hear the clang of armor, so that was comforting, but that didn’t mean she could trust whomever was stomping her way. As quietly as possible, Spinel slipped her shoes back on and got to her feet, lifting the duffle-bag to strap it across her chest. She didn’t want to dart off in a panic. Since she couldn’t see clearly, she was more likely to trip or run into something which would only get her caught that much faster. For now, she stood completely still, waiting to hear if she could tell which direction the footsteps were heading.

Closer and closer. The footsteps were definitely heading in her direction. Spinel backed away as slowly as possible, sliding her feet across the dirt rather than taking a step. She didn’t want to trip or break a twig to draw attention. Nudging her feet sideways, Spinel felt something hard press against her toe. She reached out and was relieved when the rough bark scratched her fingertips. Listening carefully, Spinel timed her movement as best she could with the strangers heavy footsteps, moving swiftly behind the tree to hide herself.

“There’s nothing here.” Stated a gravely and irritated voice when the footsteps suddenly stopped. Though it sounded rather rough, Spinel was sure it belonged to a woman. “Another waste of my time!” Barked the woman before she kicked the tree in frustration.

The force of the kick was enough to jostle the tree and therefore, bump Spinel off balance. The mermaid stifled a gasp, but was brought to her hands and knees, revealing herself to the woman.
Staring down at Spinel now was a rather tall and muscular woman. With glaring yellow eyes, the woman leered at Spinel, brushing back the long, bushy white hair from her face to see more clearly. She carried a lantern, revealing the scars across her face, barely covered by bandages that wrapped across her nose.

At first, Spinel was frozen. Unsure what to say or do. She simply stared back at the large woman in silence. However, after a moment, she came to her senses and quickly scrambled to her feet, during herself off in a panic. “I got lost!” She announced without thinking, only realizing after she said it that the woman hadn’t asked her anything at all.

“…lost, huh” muttered the stranger.

“Y…yeah,” replied Spinel, a bit calmer now. “…I ‘be been traveling and I…lost my way.”

“You’re alone?”

Spinel nodded in response, still unsure how this woman was going to react. Surely she couldn’t see the Gem hidden beneath her dress.
The woman sighed and placed her lantern on the ground before taking a step forward, towering over Spinel now that she was so close.

“Do you remember me?”

Spinels chest twisted up once again. Just like the dream. A world she didn’t know? People she couldn’t remember? “No,” she insisted, feeling uncomfortable now.

“Good,” came a gruff reply.

Her response surprised Spinel. So far, it seemed like everyone was trying to make her remember something she didn’t want to. In her dream, Steven was the only one that told her it was okay not to remember.

“I’m Jasper,” began the woman, barely glancing at Spinel when she spoke and quickly pulling at the bandage that covered her nose to reveal a Gem in its place. “I made a shelter not too far from here. It’s nothing grand, but it will keep you hidden for the time being.”

With the reveal of her Gem, Spinel could at least see that Jasper was just another mermaid on land, but that didn’t mean she could trust her. Especially since it seemed that she knew things Spinel didn’t. Also, it couldn’t be a coincidence that Jasper just happened to show up here. There were questions she didn’t want to ask, but some that she had to anyway.

“…you’re just going to help me without asking anything? Why do you just assume I need to hide?” Asked Spinel, gripping the strap of the bag tight.

“I don’t ask questions. I do as I’m told.” Jasper answered simply.

“Who told you to come here and help me? Who knows where I am and how?”

Jasper stared down at Spinel for a moment before answering, “I didn’t know for sure I’d find you here. Steven told me to keep you safe. So that’s what I’m gonna do.”

“Steven…?” Repeated Spinel. Though she was shocked at first, she felt blind for not assuming it had something to do with him. After all, if Jasper somehow knew Spinel, why wouldn’t she know Steven too? Spinel almost felt like laughing. It was like someone was playing a prank on her and she was the only one in the dark. “…so what made you come here of all places?”

“I came running when I felt Stevens energy. I‘be been following the trail of his power ever since it awakened. I came here and all I found was you. Where is Steven now?”

“We got separated. …he may have been taken by soldiers from the capital, but I don’t know how far he sent me. …and I don’t know if they arrested him…or…” as Spinel explained, she felt her anxiety bubble to the surface. She’d been trying to keep calm, but she truly worried what they might do to Steven for harboring a mermaid. Or maybe they saw his power and were suspicious of him.

“The capital is a three day trip on foot. I’ll take you to my shelter and you can stay there until I retrieve Steven,” replied Jasper as she turned to walk away, assuming Spinel would follow her.

“Wh-whoa, whoa, wait! You’re going to go there by yourself? You can’t just walk into the capital and-“ Spinel stopped shouting when a thought occurred to her, “…why would you put yourself at risk for Steven like that?”

Jasper clicked her tongue and turned back to face Spinel, “I am Steven’s soldier. It’s my job to protect him. That’s all I’m allowed to say.”

“Allowed?” Spinel repeated. “Do you…have a seal?”

“Yes,” replied Jasper with a nod.

Spinel felt like laughing again. What was going on? Ever since she met Steven it seemed like her world was shifting around her. It was as if she were apart of a play where everyone knew the lines but her. A mermaid soldier was tracking Steven and had supposedly taken orders from him. What’s more, the seal of the soldier meant they must follow every command with absolute loyalty. They had no choice once a seal had been placed. Why did Steven have a mermaid soldier at his command? Did he even know? He mentioned to her once the possibility of another life, but she’d brushed him off about it.

“…if you’re going to help Steven, I’m coming with you,” insisted Spinel quietly.

“My orders are to keep you safe. Bringing you there would be a problem and you’d just get in my way.”

“I’m going,” she insisted again. “Steven and I were going to the capital anyway to get me to Roses fountain and I’m not about to run off and hide while he’s in trouble.”

Jasper raised a brow, “Roses Fountain? ….I see. Fine. If you wanna come along, I won’t stop you, but my main objective is Steven. You come second, understand? In the end, all that matters is getting him out of harms way.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“You say that with such confidence, even though you can barely walk properly. The only reason you’re still alive is because of Steven.”

Spinels cheeks burned lightly. She couldn’t deny that Steven had gotten her out of many dangerous situations, but surely she could be of some help to him now. “Look, just because I’m not a soldier doesn’t mean I can’t fight. I don’t know how you and Steven are really connected, but he’s bound to me! So there’s no one closer to him than I am.” She announced, nearly boasting about her relationship with Steven.

Jasper stared down at Spinel with an amused smirk. “Nothings really changed,” she muttered under breath.

Though Spinel couldn’t hear what she said, Jaspers expression led her to believe she wasn’t being taken seriously. “I mean it! Steven is very attached to me! If he’s your master, than you should be doing what makes him happy, and no one makes him happier than I do! So if you’re going to go where Steven is, you’re taking me with you!” Even if she said it all with confidence, Spinel felt a little embarrassed to be talking about Steven like this. However, he was the one that said he loved her. Wasn’t she allowed to be a little prideful when it came to his loyalty?

Jasper chuckled and without a word, swiftly lifted the duffle-bag from Spinels shoulders, holding it securely now under her arm. The pigtailed mermaid opened her mouth to ask a question, but gasped instead as Jasper scooped her up with the other arm and threw her over her shoulder.

“Wha—what are you—?! I can walk!” Insisted Spinel as she tried to turn her body to see Jaspers face.

“It’s faster this way,” answered Jasper simply, unconcerned by Spinels protests. “You’ll okay slow us down. Just take a nap or something. We’ll head for my shelter and leave after I’ve confirmed a few things.”

“I’m not luggage! Hey! Are you even listening?!” Argued Spinel as she tried to get Jasper to set her down. “Steven’s not gonna be happy with the way you’re treating me!”

Despite all her struggling, Spinel had eventually tired out. No matter how much she complained, Jasper just silently continued through the forest. Though she had to admit, it was a lot faster this way. Jaspers strides were quick and confident, even though she was being essentially abducted, Spinel didn’t feel anything hostile from Jasper. “…did you treat me like this before too?” Spinel asked finally.

“Sometimes.” Jasper answered firmly.

“…I don’t really need to know the whole story…” began Spinel again, “…but what exactly is all this? …I mean…were Steven and I reincarnated…or did we lose our memories in some…incident?” Despite Spinels fear in learning the truth, she couldn’t help being curious. It would at least help to know the bare minimum so she wouldn’t feel so out of place.
Jasper stopped walking now and placed Spinel on back on her feet. “I won’t be able to answer all your questions completely.”

“Why not?”

“Steven gave me specific instructions if I were to meet you again. Among them, was the command that you remain ignorant of past events.”

Spinel sighed in frustration. So even before all this, Steven was still doing what he thought was best for her without considering her feelings on the matter? “…so what can you tell me? Keep in mind…I don’t really need to know the gritty details anyway…” she added, placing a hand over her stomach as if on reflex. The last time she remembered something, the inside of her stomach seemed to burn as if to melt her from the inside. She wasn’t keen on repeating the experience.

“I’m sure you’ve already seen that Steven isn’t like other humans. He has a great power. Power that both sides wanted for themselves. …you and I were part of a faction that didn’t want Steven to be used. So we fought against the humans and our own kind. …the battle ended up with some casualties and Steven…couldn’t handle it. In his grief, his power overflowed…and until he met you again, we’ve all been living in ignorance, unaware of our pasts.”

Steven being more than human was no surprise. After all that Spinel had seen him do, she already assumed he was something different. Everything Jasper said was a bit vague, but it wasn’t difficult to fill in certain blanks. However, if what Jasper said was true, it meant that Steven had either restarted the world, or changed it to suit himself? Both options seemed impossible, no matter how strong he was. “…the life I knew before meeting Steven…the war, my betrayal, everything I knew…?”

“False memories. Steven wanted you to forget, but it worked too well. We all forgot. However, since his focus was you in the first place, the magic is stronger since you still don’t remember much. Seems like somewhere deep the memories are still there though. You trusted me easily enough.”

Spinel felt sick now. Her fears were growing deeper and tinge of resentment began to nibble up inside of her. So her whole life was a lie? All the memories she had were truly just some glossed over version of her actual life? She felt like a puppet, playing a part in a play that Steven had cast her in by force. How could he think she’d want something like this? All the more reason to find him and give him a piece of her mind.

“Fine,” she huffed. “So that’s that. …in other words…Steven is gonna be used for this power of his by those that are starting to remember, right?” Spinel no longer wanted to hear anything else about herself. Best to just stick to the problem at hand now.

Jasper nodded. “Which is why when we reach my shelter, I’ll find a sufficient source of water so that you can track Steven. I can’t just wait around for him to use his power again. We need to make sure we’re on the right track.”

“Fine,” huffed Spinel once again before spreading out her arms.

“What are you doing?”

With a flinch, Spinel blushed and pulled her arms back, hiding them behind her back bashfully. “I-It’s your fault,” she stammered, “you’re the one that said I was too slow! I just didn’t want to be picked up like a sack again!”

Jasper seemed to connect the dots and she nodded her head, bending down to lift Spinel. This time, setting the pigtailed mermaid to sit comfortably against her broad shoulder.

Spinel honestly felt foolish. Jasper was so large that she certainly appeared like a child being carried along by its parent. Still, she did prefer this position to the previous one. Spinel cleared her throat and tried to keep a little dignity here. “Y-yes. This is much better…”

Jasper only grunted a bit in response before setting off again and Spinel reflected on Jaspers words when she stated that Spinel must remember deep down. After all, being carried like this felt rather familiar, now that she was eager to recall why. No matter what happened in the past or another life, she wasn’t going to let anyone use her or Steven for whatever they had planned. Once Steven was safe and this was all over, she could give him a good smacking for messing with her memories and they could put all of this behind them. Right?