#subs point

kp-tyson:

Doms have asked me to provide advice on things based on a subs point of view. Hence a series of posts providing advice to Doms on various topics based on a sub perspective.

The Difference Between Tops and Doms

All Doms are Tops (mostly), but not all Tops are Doms. Just as all subs are bottoms (mostly), but not all bottoms are subs. Just as subs can grow in their submission, so Doms can grow in their dominance. And some men can switch between Dominance and submission.

Our society teaches Dominant boys to restrain their dominance - don’t bully, don’t be selfish, don’t hurt anyone, be kind. They can grow into Men that are Top with the Dominance repressed. Regular (non-dominant) boys grow up to be mere Tops (or bottoms, or subs). It can be difficult to tell the Dominant Top from the regular Top. 

The only difference between them is the spark of Dominance in the Dominant Tops inner nature. How that spark ignites into a flame, and how the flame grows and develops is unique for every Dom.

Igniting and Growing the Flame of Dominance

As a sub I love watching the flame of Dominance grow in a man, I enjoy encouraging its growth. Over the years I’ve seen it grow in many ways:

1. Igniting the Spark of Dominance

When a Top takes his first pleasure at the expense of the bottom and likes it, he becomes a Dom. This can be as simple as fucking to achieve an orgasm for himself, and not being concerned about the orgasm in his partner. Or holding his partners head down on his cock because it feels so good, as his partner gags and chokes. By taking the pleasure at the expense of his partner and knowing that he likes it and wants more, the spark of Dominance is ignited. He is now a Dom.

2. The Conflict between Inner Nature and Society

For some, the early flame of Dominance can be plagued by guilt, shame, and regret. The Dom reprimands himself for being inconsiderate, for being selfish, for being sadistic, just as he was taught growing up. He is conflicted. ‘It felt good, but I shouldn’t do that’. The Dom may go for some time, even a life time, taking brief acts of Dominance while consciously or unconsciously restraining his inner Dominance. Some Doms never move beyond this stage.

3. Experimenting with Dominance and submission

Once the Dom learns that the Yang of his Dominance is matched with a Yin of submission, that it is OK to be Dominant, to be selfish, to be sadistic, to be controlling, then the flame of Dominance can grow. At this point the Dom seeks out a sub that will enable that growth.

As he exerts his Dominance, he feels increasingly comfortable taking his pleasure at the expense of the sub. He becomes increasingly confident in his superiority to the sub, in his right to Dominate.

He experiments. He pushes the Dominance out further. Holding the subs head down for longer, Fucking harder, deeper. He experiments with control. Instructing the sub in how to please him. Restraining the sub. Punishing the sub when things aren’t to his liking. He experiments with Sadistic pleasure. He exerts pain and humiliation. At first in small ways, but pushing out further, experimenting and testing how far the sub will go to please him.

While experimenting the Dom often pushes too far, makes mistakes, miscalculates, is surprised by consequence. He learns. He may lose many subs through this time, but a good sub will understand and respect the learning curve of Dominance.

4. Self Awareness

The Doms experimentation may never end, but with enough experience he reaches a point of self-awareness. He becomes self-aware of himself as a Dom, confident in it, and understanding of his inner nature. He not only knows what he likes, but also how to make subs serve him with trust and respect. He becomes master of himself as well as the sub. His Dominance is natural, easy, relaxed, and slow.

5. Personal Growth of both Dom and sub

As the Dom develops throughout his life he increasingly not only uses the sub, but to trains the sub for the nuances of his pleasure. He physically and mentally conditions the sub for his pleasure, making the sub the perfect instrument of his pleasure.

More caring Doms push their dominance out further, controlling more of the sub, beyond just the subs sexual service of him, and into the subs daily life. He helps the sub become better in life, physically fitter, better groomed, more successful in work and study.

Both the Dom and the sub are enhanced, grow, and develop in life. Dominance is a mutually rewarding experience.