#taeyong stream of consciousness part

━━━━━━━ don’t wanna cry mv wrap-up ( * : ) ࿐ ࿔*:･
( :LAX ✈️ IIA)

they’ve finally wrapped up filming, and convex is heading back to korea — taeyong sits in his seat, claiming a spot next to the window so he can stare wistfully out of it, like the main character at the end of a coming-of-age film.

it’s not much of a joke — it’s completely serious. reflecting back on his brief time back in his home state of california, as he looks out into the pacific ocean from the comfort of a korean air flight back to seoul, taeyong feels a rush of emotions course through his body. feeling the summer sun warm his skin once again had brought back memories that he completely forgot about, the good andbad times. he remembers the summer vacations he would take with his family, preferring to drive down to take in every single view worth seeing down the coast — stuffy eight-hour drives in a cramped car made better by looking out the window, staring at how the waves of the ocean crash against the coastline, just as he’s doing now.

he’s changed since then — for the better, he hopes.

taeyong looks to the window opposite from his own, on the other side of the plane — he can somewhat see the expanse of los angeles getting smaller and smaller in the distance. the screen in front of him displays the estimated time of arrival, and he mentally braces himself for a ten-plus hour flight. he has his hood up, a pillow wrapped around his neck — some of his members are already asleep, and he decides against taking embarrassing photos of them to maybe post on the fancafe. he’s not done reflecting just yet — mischief can come later, maybe nine hours into the flight, when he’s had his own nap.

the flight reminds him of the flight he took when he moved to korea — he had sat right next to the window back then also, almost an entire decade ago. weird to think that it’s almost been ten years since he’s moved to korea and foundhimself, found what he’s supposed to be doing after being so lost — that it’s been almost been ten years since he’s been back in the states and feltthat lost. sounds cliché, but he’s glad that he’s come back and is leaving a completely different person than before.

ten years ago, he was alone — he remembers looking out of the window, afraid of what was to come but ready to start anew, to have agency over his own life, to feellike he belongs somewhere that isn’tthere. he couldn’t have predicted anyof this to happen to him, that he would even get a shot at a dream that seemed so far away.

now, he’s living that dream, surrounded by people who make him feel like he belongs somewhere, like he knows what he’s supposed to be doing in life instead of having to search with no result. he looks around once more and sees brothers — family members whose presence he’ll always cherish, who he shares memories with, both new andold.

taeyong closes his eyes, thinking back to how he felt back in the desert — the harsh summer sun beat down on them, the rigorous nature of having to be completely synchronized while withstanding the elements. he felt strong enough to endure it, because he knows that he has people to support him if he ever falls down. he had tried his best not to falter —  and that’s the difference of him ten years ago and him now. he wouldn’t have tried as hard, he would have given up.

he falls asleep looking at the ocean, continuing to think about how much this trip really meant to him, what this all really means to him. maybe this is what he needed — he didn’t know he needed this, but maybe this is what he needed.