#the ally coalition

Dear 18 Year-Old Julia, 

I am writing to tell you a story about the first time you kiss a boy on the mouth. Yes, it does happen. I know how much you think about it. Not so much the kiss itself, but what it means that you are 18 years old and have not kissed a boy yet. I know you wake up in cobwebs of insecurity and are thoroughly convinced that your un-kissed lips are some flashing neon indicator of the fact that you are never going to find anyone who loves you. I know you think that maybe there is something wrong with you and you plant seeds of self-judgment in your belly to the point that deep breaths are weed ridden. I know you feel like you are waiting to become a normal person. So, I am here to tell you that it does happen. One night, you sit in your dorm room with a very nice boy and you listen to very nice music. Somewhere in the middle of a song you feel overwhelmed by the years you have been telling yourself that kissing a boy on the mouth is the key to being who you want to be and you blurt out something like, “If you want to you should probably kiss me now, okay?” And he kisses you. Even though he goes in for just a little kiss, you want a kiss like you have seen in every romantic comedy so you stay with your lips pressed up against his for far too long. It’s pretty weird. After he leaves, you sit on your bed contemplating the experience you thought was going to be life changing and you are overcome with a feeling of…meh. In that moment you start to realize that everything you wanted to feel was not going to come from kissing a boy, but was already inside of you hiding behind swallowed stones of other people’s normal. There is more power inside of you than could ever be created for you by another person. You start doing things to nurture this power. You become a Gender and Women’s Studies major and start saying things like, “vote with your vagina” and, “actually, gender and sexuality are social constructions.”  You surround yourself with people who could not care less who you are/are not kissing and are always there to tell you that you are a good one. There will be all kinds of people who kiss you on your lips, but I want you to know this has very little significance in defining how you practice your purpose. I know that right now this is hard to understand. I know you just want to fit into your jeans, and not be sweaty when you get to class, and be asked to a freaking dance. You are never asked to a dance, and that is okay. You are doing fine.

With Self-Love,

22 Year-Old Julia