#the dominion

My Weyoun obsession has surfaced once again so I’ve lately been trawling the internet in a desperate attempt to find some vorta-related content I haven’t poured over a million times before. There isn’t any. But I do have some new observations on classic scenes.

I just want to point out the music cue that accompanies Weyoun’s failed attempt at art appreciation. From about 0:03 to 0:22. It’s the most saccharinely tragic melody I’ve ever heard outside of a Lifetime movie. The moment culminates in Weyoun striking this adorably despondent pose and holding it for several seconds, creating a veritable tableau of existential crisis:

It’s like the show itself is writing hurt/comfort Weyoun fic.

And now, part two of:

Episodes of DS9 That Could Have Been Improved With The Presence of The Dominion

2. THAT RIDICULOUS BASEBALL EPISODE

A whole episode of the DS9 crew playing baseball? Yes! Against some random Starfleet Vulcans? NO!  If you’re going to kick it in a holosuite playing baseball in the middle of the Dominion War, you’d better be playing baseball AGAINST THE DOMINION. Maybe it’s one of Benjie’s crazy dreams. Or maybe Q does it. Maybe Weyoun organizes a company softball league as a last ditch attempt to win over the Federation (he saw the baseball on Sisko’s desk and his powers of Extreme Diplomacy told him that this bizarre earth game could be the key to Sisko’s heart - and HE WAS RIGHT). 

Here’s the Starting Lineup!

Pitcher: THE FEMALE FOUNDER. She shifts up an arm cannon and launches pitches at lethal speeds! First Base: THOT GOR. Because he’s competent and you really need someone who has their shit together at first base. Second Base: DUKAT. He has no idea how to play, but he just stands there with his arms crossed and his head cocked to the side and feels like he’s contributing. Third Base: DAMAR. He does not want to be there and spends the whole time starring into space thinking about where his military career has taken him. The Jem'Hadar play all the fielding positions, though if there’s any drug testing in this league they’re screwed.

The Vorta are cheerleaders! There are no cheerleaders at baseball games! Too bad, they’re cheering for the Dominion and you can’t stop them! Maybe they sit in the stands and wave pennants and just wear their little voices out trying to be the loudest supporter.

Weyoun, however, is too important to be regulated to the stands; he’s the catcher.  This way he can confer with the Founder when necessary and he can also talk to the DS9 crew when it’s their turn at the plate. 

* * * 

“Captaaaain Sisko, I can’t tell you how delighted the Dominion is to partake in this…fascinating Earth game. I’ve often felt much can be learned about a culture by observing it’s leisure activities, and this…"Base-Ball” truly seems to capture the spirit of-“

"Not now, Wey-”

(thunk)

“STEEE-RIKE ONE!”

“Oh my, how unfortunate. I suppose you have little time to practice, with your responsibilities to the Federation looming overhead. Of course, if the Federation were to partner with the Dominion, you would be afforded a great deal more personal time to pursue personal interests, such as this great and noble game.”

“That’s- If you think-”

(thunk)

“STEEEE-RIKE TWO!”

“Damn it Weyoun! I know what you’re doing, and if you try to distractmeone more time, I will have Odo eject you from this game, do you understand me?”

“Of course. I apologize. You have my assurances, it won’t happen again.”

(Sisko angrily squares up to the plate. They wait for the pitch)

“Are you still seeing that charming woman from the Marquis?”

(thunk)

“STEEE-RIKE THREE! YERRRRRRR OUT!”

(Sisko chases Weyoun around the field with a baseball bat, and SCENE)

Today is the first of a Two-Part series entitled:

Episodes of DS9 That Could Have Been Improved With The Presence of The Dominion

(Let us put aside the fact that every episode of anything could have been improved with the presence of The Dominion, and just go on with the proceedings. Also this is an insane crack post that I wrote last night at 3:30am, you’ve been warned.)

1. ANY MIRROR UNIVERSE EPISODE

So Mirror Ezri Dax can show up for absolutely no plausible reason, but we don’t get to see the principal series antagonists appear in that dimly-lit alternative universe even once?

What would the Dominion be like in the Mirrorverse? This is a serious question! Are the Mirror founders benevolent and kind, do they want universal peace instead of order, are they the STARFLEET of the Mirror Universe?! Or are they just EVEN MORE EVIL? Mirror Odo somehow ended up in the Alpha Quadrant, so it seems the Mirror Founders still went ahead with their “Put 100 Babies on Rocketships and See What Happens” master plan. So they’re probably at least a little evil.

I guess Mirror Vorta would want to kill Changelings, and would probably be spearheading the Gamma Quadrant Coallition to Kill All Shapeshifters. But without the Founders’ help they’d all still be lemurs on Kurill Prime, so I’m not sure how that would work.

And now, the wicked week we’ve all been waiting for. Star Trek’s never been short on good villains, but DS9 truly presents an embarrassment of riches. What makes these villains great is how much time we get to spend with them as characters, learning their flaws and their strengths, and sometimes seeing shimmers of grace within their personalities that might have led to redemption if things had gone differently.

In the Original Series, Kirk’s nemesis was an Ni-user with an ego as big as his own. The Next Generation found the stern, commanding Picard squaring off against an unpredictable, trickster Perceiver type. On Deep Space Nine, our Fi-dom-led crew fights for their freedom against a series of Judgers who wield their power over others for nefarious means.

It’s a big, scary galaxy out there, especially with these guys in it.