#the institution of marriage

“Actually, I have no idea. What was I doing there. I’d been against this all my life. Even so, I had been to a great number of weddings especially when I was young and every time I’d tried to put on a brave face and seem carefree and young for my father. I don’t know whether he knew it at that time, that I was an odd one, but I could tell that he hoped that one day it’d be my turn.

If I was anti-marriage why had I been at so many weddings which were always such a palaver to attend because you had to get dressed up in order to be there and when I dressed up I was less visible and so people didn’t whisper to each other, that one over there isn’t married yet. To belong, probably, but I still didn’t belong. No, not at all. And I was anti-marriage. But probably not enough not to go. This time it was my niece’s wedding and thanks to my sister I had a niece and I belonged a bit. I belonged but I felt even more alone. More alone than ever.”
-Chantal Akerman, from My Mother Laughs[tr. Daniella Shreir]