#the winter solder x reader
A/N: Hey thank you for requesting it means a lot. Especially now that my schedule is way more lax than it was before. Also I previously posted this before I knew I was shadowbanned but now that issue has been resolved so I am re posting somethings that I posted before I knew I was shadowbanned.
REQUESTS ARE OPEN AND ARE ENCOURAGED ALONG WITH ASKS! HERE IS THE REQUEST/ASK BOX PLEASE INTERACT!
here is the fic I hope you like it!!
Steve felt sick, he remembers getting sick when he was younger, however this was worse. He felt his stomach twist, his chest tighten, and his entire body felt as heavy as lead.
Laughter filled the reception room as Steve contemplated leaving with an early morning mission as an excuse when suddenly the room went quiet.
“May I present for the first time,” The announcer said, “Mr and Mrs. Barnes.”
Steve could feel his heart drop to his stomach as he saw you and Bucky enter the room. Bucky had the biggest grin on his face as his hand held yours. You looked radiant, the dress you chose flattered you and accentuated the loveliness that was your figure. Your hair had been pinned and adorned with flowers and Steve couldn’t help but think that you looked ethereal, your smile lit up your entire face that gave you a certain glow. However there was a pang of jealousy as he saw how your eyes looked at Bucky like he was the only one in the room, he couldn’t stop the thought of it should be him instead of Bucky.
Steve felt sick, and he knew why.
He watched as your first dance began, the way Bucky was holding you gently to him as you swayed on the dance floor. The way Bucky whispered in your ear as you danced, the way Steve saw you breath him in, looking more in love than he ever saw you.
You were Steve’s once, once Steve held you like that, once Steve warmed your bed and held you at night, once it was Steve that put that starry look in your eye.
But that was a long time ago.
Steve tried to smile and act like his heart wasn’t beating painfully, like he didn’t want to grab you and tell you that while you weren’t his, he was still yours.
Steve downed his drink in one go before continuing to watch you happily sway with your husband, his best friend.
He couldn’t fault Bucky for falling for you, nor could he fault him for marrying you. Bucky deserved to be happy and right now Steve could see he’s the happiest he’s been since the forties when he was with you.
That doesn’t stop the jealous thoughts entering his head, about how Steve should’ve been the one at the altar with you. Steve should’ve been the one who wakes you up every morning and kisses you to sleep at night. Steve should’ve been the one you spent the rest of your life with.
Not Bucky.
But Bucky is the one you’ll do all that with and more.
Not Steve.
As he watches the dance end Steve begins to wonder where it all went wrong between you and him.
Then he remembered.
Peggy Carter.
Steve never should’ve gone back to her, he didn’t even get past knocking on her door before he realized what an idiot he was and made his way back home to you.
When he came back he realized he was too late.
It was four years later and you were engaged to Bucky, you had moved on.
That was a year ago and he wishes he can take it all back, wishes he can be the one for you like you were the one for him.
But he can’t.
So all he can do now is drink, and pretend like he was alright.
The reception went smoothly, people ate, danced, and drank to their heart’s content. There was nothing but laughter and love in the air. Steve downed one glass of whiskey after another for a buzz that never came.
The toasts came and went and when Steve’s turn came to give a toast it felt like he was swallowing nails. Each word hurt, even more so when you smiled at him that bittersweet smile he knew so well now.
Steve retreated back to the bar where he ordered another whiskey, wanting the burn of the liquid to distract him from the pain in his heart. He knew this day was going to hurt, he just didn’t imagine it would hurt this much.
When the party was at its height Steve saw his opportunity to slip away unnoticed. However, things never went to plan.
Steve had just gotten through the front doors of the reception hall before he heard footsteps approaching him.
“Where do you think you’re going punk?” Bucky asked as he made his way to the blonde supersoldier.
“Got an early mission tomorrow so I think I’m gonna call it a night, I didn’t want to be a buzzkill and all so I thought I could sneak out without anyone noticing.” Steve explained, Bucky grabbed the tall man’s shoulder.
“Hey you’re not a buzzkill and you’re our friend of course we would notice if you left before the big announcement.”
“Big announcement?”
“Yeah,” Bucky said grinning from ear to ear, “I’m actually glad we’re alone right now because I wanted to tell you one on one.”
“Tell me what?”
“(Y/n)’s pregnant,” Bucky said excitedly, “we’re going to be parents.”
Steve swore he felt the earth stop spinning and time slow down. Steve couldn’t feel anything, the shock still running its course.
“I’m happy for you Buck,” Steve said with a smile.
“I’m happy too Steve,” Bucky said, “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. If I knew then what I know now, all the pain and torture would lead to this right here. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
Steve congratulated Bucky one last time before Bucky headed back to you.
He was still in shock by the time the crisp night air nipped at him, it didn’t hit him until he passed by the window and he could see the reception from inside. He could see you curled up next to Bucky, your hand unconsciously over your stomach while you drank sparkling water.
Suddenly it felt all too real, he could feel every emotion he had buried since coming back. Everything became too much as he sunk to the ground beside the window, his breathing became erratic as he felt the tears slip past his eyes. He could hardly breathe through the pain.
Steve had been sick plenty of times.
Steve had been injured plenty of times.
Stabbed, shot, injected, and lost so many people he had loved.
But nothing compared to this.
Because Steve had no one to blame but himself.
Steve loved you so much, so much and he tossed it all away.
And there was nothing he could ever do to take it all back.
