#thedailygrind

I’m sad.

Circumstances are such that I was forced to accept a job I didn’t want, because I was offered a two year contract. Financially, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of a two year term, especially because it comes with benefits, and because I’m the only breadwinner and supporting the Mr. and my baby boy.

I’m on week 2 in this job and my days are extremely long. I am gone 10 hours a day. I get home an hour before baby goes to bed. I miss him so much, I’ve taken to bringing him to bed with me when he wakes up in the middle of the night. That makes it better, but not by much. Precious daytime hours, hours I’ll never get back, pass me by. And I’m sitting at a desk in an office, staring at a computer screen.

M. and I fight a lot. He says it’s my fault but I know it isn’t. Not really. It’s both of us, and so much more.

I wish we had money. I wish he worked and I stayed home but he couldn’t get as good a job as I can. I wish I could pause time. I wish I didn’t have to sell my soul to be able to live.

Fuck everything. Just fuck it all.