Biggest reveal of this event was that the rest of the yakshas were fun loving relatively well adjusted people (obvs before the Everything). And turns out Xiao is just like that
GEORGE B. MCCLELLAN: Please, please, PLEASE fight McClellan. He will make it easy for you and everything. He’ll just stand there and let you hit him because he’s too busy trying to figure out if he should attack or not.
AMBROSE BURNSIDE: He might win by the sheer power of his facial hair, so exercise caution when fighting. However, he’s likely to get stuck in mud for no good reason, so you might have a chance.
JOSEPH HOOKER: His nickname might be “Fighting Joe,” but he doesn’t even like that nickname and he’s probably too drunk to properly deal with you, so if you want to fight him, as many people do, you stand a pretty good chance.
GEORGE GORDON MEADE: You can try fighting him if you want to, but God dammit, the man tries. You’ll take one look at his little turtle face and just kind of feel bad.
ULYSSES S. GRANT: Fight Grant all you want. Just show him some blood - your blood, his blood, some other guy’s blood - and you’re good good to go. He’ll be too busy being sick to fight back.
WINFIELD SCOTT HANCOCK: You can fight him, but why??????? Has someone really wronged you so badly that you want to fight this lil nugget?
O. O. HOWARD: Oh, come on, this is even worse than fighting Hancock. HE HAS ONE ARM, YOU TERRIBLE PERSON.
JOHN BUFORD: We will chaaaarge valiantly… and be butchered valiantly! And afterwards men in tall hats and gold watch fobs will thump! their! chest! and say what a braaaaaave charge it was. ..okay, maybe you shouldn’t fight him.
WILLIAM TECUMSEH SHERMAN: Do not fight Sherman he will set you on fire
DANIEL SICKLES: Look, it’s really, really tempting to fight Sickles. He’s a dick. But he literally killed a man in cold blood and pioneered the temporary insanity defense. Do noT DO THIS TO YOURSELF.
EDWIN VOSE SUMNER: Don’t fight Sumner! He looks like Santa Claus, and he hasn’t taken any aspirin, he might just keel over if you hit him. HOWEVER, a bullet allegedly bounced off his head once and his cousin survived a caning, so what have you.
PHILIP SHERIDAN: You probably shouldn’t fight Sheridan. He’s tiny and angry and he’ll fuck you up. And if he doesn’t manage to fuck you up, he’ll fuck up your career instead because he’s just that much of an asshole. Just don’t.
JOHN F. REYNOLDS: Please don’t. All you’ll do is make everyone sad.
