So at one point someone suggested we start a list of words used in fanfiction to describe genitals. After a particularly great Twilight fic was submitted, I decided to start that list, and Im providing what the phrase is describing. It will be updated as more words and phrases are found. And feel free to submit ones you’ve heard :3
[id: the cover of the book The Rainbow Fish, except it has been retitled “The Rainbow Fish Keeps His Scales: An alternate ending to the book by Marcus Pfister.” In the center of the cover, there is a blue fish covered in a number of colorful and glittering scales, and a speech bubble reads “I won’t diminish myself for the comfort of others.”]
My elder child is fair-minded and reasonable, and I would like to respect that way of being, so that they can bring that into a future that will truly need it. So I edited the oral version of Goldilocks that I tell them most nights.
At the end of the story, Goldilocks sincerely apologises for invading their house (and breaking the chair, Mummy) and explains that she was lost, and being young and still learning, was still unclear on notions of personal property. The bears accept the apology, briskly discuss some more acceptable scenarios to solve this problem in the future, and Daddy Bear drives her home (in his CAR MUMMY!) In his car, while Mama Bear fixes the little broken chair
(MUMMY)
- fixes the little broken WOODEN chair -
(yes mummy)
- with baby bear to help -
(They can fix a WOODEN chair, Mummy)
- which is possible, yes, because it was made of wood and wooden things can be fixed.
(AND THE PORRIDGE)
And then they made a big bowl of new porridge for Baby Bear to eat, because his bowl had been eaten up and little ones need their breakfast.
(And Daddy Bear came back and tidied up the house.)
Yes.
I like to recognize that when I was a child, I was also VERY CONCERNED about whether the poor victims of various stories got their breakfast, and how very unimpressed I was by hurtful narratives that hurt me “because that’s how things are.” So i give this to my kid, and you should hear them argue with people who tell Goldilocks wrong.
BLESS THIS AUTHOR. Giving Tree has always been beautiful, but deeply upsetting to me. This is a perfect ending.
