#this guy can hold so much trauma in him
(Another snippet from my DnD character’s super terrible past! This is connected to the last post called ‘Anniversary’)
Roisin made it around a corner, hand over her side as she felt blood seep into her clothing. Feet ran down the hall as she stepped deeper into the shadows as they stopped.
“Where did that traitor go?!” she heard Thorn’s voice yell as she closed her eyes. “Come on out, honey, I just wanna finish our talk.” they yelled, their voice bouncing around the moving parts of the ship around them. “Don’t just stand there, spread out-and don’t kill her…I want her brought to me alive.” Thorn said as their men began to fan out and search every nook and crevice Roisin could have possibly slipped into. One of them-Terrik-began to approach her hiding hole though the shadows hid her well. Still as he stared down at her, he began to raise a light as she began to summon flame into her hand, knowing she could have it down his throat before he could draw a weapon. Guy had a partner. They were thinking about leaving to start a family…
“THIS WAY! She’s over here!” someone yelled as Terrik whipped around and ran over, the flame disappearing from her hand as she sighed. Finally…Roisin had jumped Belle-her only crime being kinda a bitch here and there-and disguised the elf as herself, binding her wrists and gagging her before putting a cloak on her, hiding that.
Roisin did hope they’d kill her. Just a little bit. Just so Thorn would look and know they’d been tricked.
Roisin shook it off as she quietly tried to make her way the rest of the way to the escape pods, her distraction letting her get to them as she began to prepare to launch all of them. Just as she got most of them ready, a shot rang out, hitting her in the shoulder as she cried out. Whipping around, she saw none other than Thorn standing there in the hall.
“Leaving so soon?” they asked as she rolled her eyes.
“You’re an idiot. And too fucking stubborn to realize it.” she shot back, venom in her voice as she summoned a great ball of fire in her hand. She could incinerate them and a dozen of their men…She threw it before they could get another shot off as it landed ten feet in front of them, creating a wall of flame.
“ROISIN!” they yelled as she ran to a pod, looking back a moment as she hit the red launch button.
“I hope you figure it out, Thorn…” she said, heading into the pod as they took a shot, the bullet bouncing off of her pod as it sealed itself and she was launched into space.
The escape pod was…shockingly quiet after everything. Roisin’s blood roaring in her ears as she collapsed in the chair by the controls, a lump rising in their throat as tears burned in her eyes. She thought Thorn was different. She really thought she’d get some sort of happy ending-as close as she could get. But no. They couldn’t pull their head out of their own ass enough to tell she was being set up and should be going after one of the scummy little weasels that tried to grab at her and didn’t like she was strong enough to protect herself. Didn’t like that she was able to cuddle up to Thorn as quickly as she did.
“FUCKING GODS DAMN IT!” she yelled, smashing her fists into the arms of the chair she sat in as tears burned hotly down her face. “Is this still part of your fucking ‘tests’ Lolth? Still watching and having a grand old time?” she asked, glaring out the window into the stars. “Or did I upset you somehow? Garner your wrath because I had the fucking BALLS to leave the second I could? Well FUCK YOU! I bet you’re sickened by me anyway…” she growled, reaching under her clothes to pull off the symbol of Lolth she wore, returning to her natural form. “A hexblood with a drow name. I bet that pisses you off along with those fucking racist purist that infected the drow. Fine. Go ahead and hate me because you will NEVER be able to hate me more than I hate my own DAMN SELF, YOU FUCKING BITCH!” she roared, huffing as she held her wounds. “I dunno why you keep letting me live…Didn’t think spiders liked playing with their food so damn much.” she muttered, more tears falling as a sob pulled its way out of her throat as she succumbed to the emotion. “I’m sorry…” she whimpered. “I’m sorry I’m not a drow. I’m sorry if I fucked up…I just wanted a chance to be happy. I just wanted to live my own life for a little while. I just want my family together and to live in a nice house with a partner. Maybe some kids-if I can ever put all this bullshit behind me which I don’t think I can anymore.” she cried. “You win…I can never not be Fawn. Never not be a Shadow…I-I can’t keep trying to get something for me and losing it…I’m just a monster-what all my teachers wanted me to be.” she sobbed.
She wasn’t sure how long she had cried, only realizing she had fallen asleep when the familiar dream of the hag beckoning to her began. Roisin started awake as a beeping started, the escape pod indicating she only had a few hours before landing as she swallowed, wincing at her injuries. She took off her clothes, taking out a med kit as she treated her wounds and took something to ease the pain. She pulled out a spare set of clothes she hid there-sickened that her paranoia was proven right again-and dressed, putting the necklace on to take her drow form. Clear skin, perfect and flawless.
Looking at the time, she realized she still had a chunk of time left as she worked her jaw. Thorn would find the pod. Not before she was in the wind but they would find it…
Her fingers were tapping buttons on the control before she really figured out what to say, looking into a camera as she sat in silence a moment, fingers over the record button. She took a breath and steadied herself, pressing it as she saw herself. Cheeks tear stained, the hair of the drow illusion’s hair a mess.
“Hey, Thorn.” she said, swallowing hard. “I’m not going to gloat or anything in this message-we both know that’s not what I do. I am recording this to say goodbye and…well, to maybe tear you a new asshole. Who knows-I didn’t write a fucking script for this.” she told the camera, lips twisted bitterly as she took a breath. “I loved you, Thorn. Despite the secrets or never really knowing where we stood, I did love you. And I thought you loved me. I rationalized it that you just weren’t good at talking about feelings.” she said, blinking a few times as she kept her composure. “I like the role of the heartless whore. The femme fatal or whatever you wanna call it, using physical attraction, sex, and charm to get what I wanted out of people. Though, here’s the kicker: I didn’t ever want a lot. I just wanted to be protected-not to end up someone’s punching bag. My standards are that fucking low.” she let out a bitter laugh, pushing her hair back. “At first, our relationship was just like all the others I had. Fake, shallow, just keeping each other company until something better came along. But that changed. I let down my guard around you…You kept me safe and I opened up to you. I trusted you, Thorn.” she said, swallowing hard as she looked at her hands a moment. “I remember when I got hurt real bad on a mission and I woke up in your bed and you were right there next to me, promising me that everything was okay. You’d take care of it. I realized just then…that I had finally found someone who might actually be decent to me. I made you promise to be there when I woke up again. And you were. You barely even let doctors in to see me.” Roisin felt tears rise to her eyes as she closed them. “I won’t let you see me cry, Thorn. You lost that right. You lostit the second you let anyone trick you into believing I would do anything to endanger you.” she said, looking at the camera, jaw set, eyes cold. “The first time you lose everyone you love, that’s a tragedy. The second time, the universe has something against you and you just get angry and bitter. Third time, though? Oh, the third time is a pattern. So, maybe I should thank you, Thorn. Thank you for helping me realize that I don’t get a family. I don’t get to care about people around me. Because in the end, they’ll all just turn on me.” she said, sitting up straighter. “You are dead to me, Thorn. I am not going to come looking for you to make you understand-you chose your side already. I am going to disappear out of your life and do my damndest to make sure you never find me again. I hope whoever you take to bed next knows better than I did. Goodbye. End recording.” she said, the screen flicking off as she sat there in silence a moment, working her jaw.
Her eyes stung but no tears came. She was still too numb. All the better as she readied for the incoming descent.
She would disappear. Find some other hole to keep herself safe in.
