#three men and a baby

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MASH has its share of sweet, tender, tear-jerking moments, Lord knows. But this episode is pretty much one such moment, stretched out to twenty-five minutes long, completely saturated with ooey-gooey feeling. For a superfan like myself, it’s impossible to make it through the first sixty seconds without tearing up. And it only gets worse.

A baby, abandoned by her Korean mother, shows up at the doorstep of the Swamp and captures the hearts of Hawkeye, BJ, and Charles instantly. Her father is an American G.I., which means that her chances for a decent life in Korea are very slim. As the doctors will unfortunately learn (and as Father Mulcahy tells them right off the bat), neither the Red Cross, nor the Army, nor the Korean government, nor the American government will have anything to do with this child. Everyone suits up in their best dress uniforms and appeals to these organizations one by one on her behalf, only to be shot down. The Korean diplomat’s (Yuki Shimoda) speech is particularly moving, when he explains that the U.S. is the only Western nation that makes no provisions at all for babies fathered by its soldiers.

It’s at last decided that the little baby will go to a monastery, where she will be raised and educated—orphanages are out of the question, due to their awful treatment of mixed-race children. Nobody wants to see her go; they drop her off in secret because they have to. Super duper kudos to the baby actor, who with her single-minded fixation on Alan Alda’s nose saves this scene from being unbearably sad.

What makes this show so lovely, of course, is seeing how great each cast member is with the child. We’ve seen a version of this before in season 2’s “Kim,” where the camp took care of a five-year-old boy. That was adorable enough, but this is next-level sweetness—as Klinger gives the nurses a diaper tutorial, Sherm praises the surgical glove full of milk, and Maj. Houlihan calls herself “your auntie Margaret.” Special mention, too, to the cool cradle fashioned for the baby to sleep in, even if Sherm rocks it a little too hard when he gets heated.

What more is there to say? This has social commentary galore, historical accuracy, genuine love, and a cute cute adorable small baby. It’s a home run. The feature film Three Men and a Baby would come along several years later, evincing slightly less of an emotional response.