tightwadspoonies:

Punk Gardening!

It’s that time of year again where you are all out there planting gardens and being anxious about how none of your seeds have come up, or they’re “leggy” or there’s too many weeds or you didn’t water them enough.

And I’m here to say screw all that. You’ve been sold what a “garden should look like” by pesticide and herbicide companies. To be perfectly honest you’ve been sold that about your lawn too, but that’s for another post. It’s time to take back gardening and grow some delicious, nutritious food!

So let’s talk about some things that can make you grow a happy, healthy, gnarly-butt garden that’s gonna grow a lot of food and take very little actual effort.

First: Weeds

There’s no such thing. Weeds are a myth. There are plants in your garden that weren’t the ones you planted? Great. Plants like to grow in your dirt. That should make you happy. It means the ones you want to grow will probably also like your dirt and want to grow their fruit/bodies there.

You’ve probably been told non-planted plants take nutrients from the plants you want there. They don’t. Seriously. For one thing, plants need different things, and clover isn’t going to want the same nutrients as your tomatoes, and it’s also probably not going to out-compete your tomatoes for sun. In fact, “weeds” also contribute good things and generally work together with your other plants.

Good plants to see growing in your garden:

• Clover: A nitrogen fixer, meaning it will help your garden self-fertilize year to year. You want as much of this as possible in your lawn, too. It’s killed by a lot of major herbicides though, so to justify it’s use, you’ve probably gotten told you want a monoculture of bladelike leaves for the “perfect lawn”. A perfect lawn like that is both really hard to keep alive if not the exact correct type for your yard, and also generally needs added nitrogen fertilizer… because you removed the clover with your herbicide… sigh.
• Dandelions: These are great because they have a really deep taproot that breaks up ground and brings water and nutrients to the surface for your other plants to enjoy. This means less watering, less fertilizing, and less need to till the soil before planting! Plus, young dandelion greens, while bitter, make a great topping for a salty sandwich or pasta dish. Their early-season buds can be pickled for capers, and if you’re vegan, cheap, or just want some variety, you can make dandelion “honey” by using dandelion flowers to flavor a sugar syrup.
• Henbit: not going to hurt anything, gives good root mats that can help keep water in the soil around your plants, and is also edible, if bitter.
• Grass: Similar to henbit, it creates a root mat that aerates soil, keeps in moisture, and prevents erosion.
• Plantain: There’s not as much I can say about this one, but it’s not going to hurt anything. And you can make tea out of it if you like.

The only plants I would really take out are the spiky ones (that might make it hard for you to access your food come time for harvest, and are easier to remove when small) and really tall ones with large leaves, which genuinely may shade out smaller plants, especially at the beginning of growing season. If you have a bed near a tree that produces a lot of seedlings, you may also want to be selective about which ones you keep, if any.

Second: Choosing Seeds

You can go the cheap/free way (link), and make yourself a nice dumpster garden out of discarded food scraps. If you’re particularly daring or broke I recommend going to an actual dumpster, since a lot of the discarded produce will be overripe and most plant-able. If you’re gonna invest in seeds, though- make them ones that are native to your area. As my dad found out after several failed years of 2-fruit harvests- growing lemons in Ohio is expensive and futile. Something like sweet potatoes or squash though will be a much better use of your energy.

You can easily recoup your investment in good seeds if you get heirloom and save the seeds for next year, limiting the number of times you’ll have to buy them in a lifetime. A lot of time it’s as easy as letting a few plants/fruits “go to seed” or overripen, then remove and dry the seeds. This is especially easy for brassicas, lettuces, and greens, but can also be done for tomatoes, cucumbers, squashes, and others with a little research and strategic planting to ensure minimal inopportune cross pollination.

Third: Planting and Care of Your Plants

Historically, nature has been pretty dang successful in growing things. Even things humans have decided we like to eat. The biggest thing you can do for yourself here is think “what would nature do?”.

• Nature doesn’t till. Generally you can help root veg (carrots, beets, potatoes, etc…) get a little bigger/more uniform by roughing up the soil, but you don’t have to do it for anything else. Not tilling actually helps plants grow longer and more complex root systems, which decreases the need for watering and fertilizing, and they’re more likely to survive high winds.
• Nature doesn’t plant things in rows ¼ inch deep. She dumps a ton of seeds in one area, half of them get eaten by birds, the other half sprout and beat each other up trying to get sunlight. A few nice, hardy, delicious plants remain. You can take some advice from this, but also help nature in this regard. I recommend dumping a ton of seeds in a section, then scrabbling your hand through them and the dirt over the area you’d like them to grow. There. Planted. Some will grow too close to each other and may stunt each other’s growth. You can thin to an appropriate distance, and generally eat the sprouts whole in a salad. You’re just gonna have to assume that some of the seeds will be eaten by birds/squirrels and be okay with that. Seeds are cheap and a renewable resource- especially if you got them from a dumpster.  
• Nature doesn’t start seeds indoors. Just plant when it says on the packet outside.
• Nature doesn’t water things regularly. If the soil is super dry when you plant, you may want to dampen it with some tap water. Other than that, water only when it’s been dry for a week or so, or the ground is exceptionally dry despite your clover and grass cover.
• Nature doesn’t use petroleum-based fertilizers. She uses composted organic material (vegetable food scraps, yard waste if you’re on a 1-year compost cycle, plus pet waste, meat and dairy scraps if you’re on a 3-5 year cycle), and urine. Yes your urine. It’s great. High in nitrogen. Very free. Add it to your compost or use it directly by mixing it with about 3 parts water. You can either apply it in the rain or just try not to get too much of it on the leaves- pee plus sun will burn leaves.  
• Finally, nature doesn’t neatly harvest on a particular schedule. Leave a tomato plant out and watch a deer go to town on it. We actually had all of our tomato plants last year eaten down to nubs early in the season, and they came back and gave us one of the best harvests ever! I don’t recommend this as a strategy, per se, but if you’re picking something like greens or basil, harvest by just grabbing handfuls and ripping it off the plant. Our basil and other greens LOVE this and grow massively when we do this.

Fourth: Miscellaneous Tips

Move your plants around year to year. Crop rotation isn’t just a big farm thing. Tomatoes are going to take what they need from the soil but leave the rest and add something back with their own decomposition, which might be something your squash wants next year, etc.. You don’t have to be perfect about it, just try to put things in different places from the year before.

Speaking of which, once you’ve gotten what you can out of them, just chop the plants up and cover them with a little topsoil or mulch at the end of the season. Saves you time and returns everything you can back to the soil. You may get volunteers next season, but really the more the merrier!

Also- some plants you can eat a lot more of than others. For example, the only thing edible on a tomato plant is the tomatoes. But radishes? You can eat the root, the greens, the flowers, and the seed pods, and they are all great! Look into other things you have growing and you might end up with more food than you thought!

Your plants will look weird. That’s okay. Some of the leaves may rot or fall off. The tubers will be weird shapes because they grew next to a rock. Some of them will get eaten or break and be a little behind because they had to grow back. Your tomatoes may have a crack or two in them. Just eat those first. Produce isn’t supposed to be as perfect as it is at the store, and it’s not a problem that it loses a few leaves or is “leggy” at first or other things people worry about. Plants grow, sometimes weirdly. That’s really, genuinely, okay. It very likely won’t harm the end product at all.

The best part of 2022 is watching 12-year-old shows like doomsday preppers and extreme cheapskates and being less “lol people are crazy” and more “damn I wish I had a tilapia powered greenhouse…”