the dutch are so fucking funny to me. it’s like the german obsession with following rules and order was mixed with british stuffiness and formality, and the result is a nation obsessed with narrowly following everything to the letter and abusing whatever loopholes may arise
there are dutch contracts from the 1600s that are still being honoured. coffeeshops can’t legally let you in unless you show ID, but that’s a hassle, so they have a second door in front of the Actual door, with an area that’s technically not part of the shop, so that you can buy weed while still not technically having entered the shop. supermarkets can’t sell hard liquor so they need a second storefront for that, that’s fairly normal - but the second store is physically located entirely within the first store, with the only difference being there’s a second cash register there
when a dutch acquaintance i barely knew came over to my apartment the first thing they did was quiz me on whether various things they noticed were allowed in my lease. if you do manage to get dinner at someone’s house you can be sure they’ll be sending you a tikkie receipt to pay for the ingredients. it’s a nation of bureaucrats! you’re not even technically allowed to sell weed, but there’s a thirty-step list of logical deductions you can make that make it okay, and everyone just accepts that.
amsterdam’s being built up as the new london, a business capital for europe, and it fits! they had their own east-india company, their own colonies, they eat the same unseasoned mush. even the language is just someone ad-libbing between german and english while eating a boiled potato
Counterpoint a dinner invitation is Serious Business. Cause youre gonna want to make something nice!!! You want to cater to their preferences, needs, diets! Picking a meal to eat when someone is coming over is equally difficult to buying like, wedding gifts.
If theres people over youre not just having potatoes and canned carrots on the couch with ¾ meatball yall. It’s about standards. People-over meals are more polished! Its a together-at-the-table meal! With the serviettes you normally only use at christmas or birthdays! You’ll want to put some lemon or mint in the water carafe! Use the Good plates and glasses! It’s called being a polite host!
It’s not (always) about money. It’s about knowing how much Hosting you have to commit to beforehand. Having to scramble together a meal is embarrassing! How can you always have a meal in storage thats suitable to guests? Theres no way to prepare for that.
And if you buy waaaay fancier groceries than normal just in case. But then the guests leave after tea because they didnt expect to stay? Rude! Now youre stuck with all this food! Or worse, it’d be like pressuring them to stay longer than they would’ve wanted. It might mean someone at their home is eating alone now and thats also not ok.
“Sorry my parents/spouse are counting on me for dinner.” is the most common response to being invited last minute to a meal.
You gotta know beforehand! Dutch people Know not to expect a whole ass meal when doing an afternoon visit. Evening visits are usually after dinner. It’s a good endpoint to a visit anyway? You gotta know we are an introverted ass country, after a few hours we are usually done with hanging out. It’s a bit of social contract to make it easier to socialise without dropping standards.
EATING TOGETHER NEEDS AT LEAST 4 HOURS PRIOR NOTICE but preferably a few days :)
Belgian here - and the above post is the best explanation I’ve seen so far for how things work around here. Obviously there’s differences between families and such, but on average, yeah, there is just an unspoken understanding that if dinner/lunch is not explicitely mentioned in the invitation, you’re not getting any. And if there’s any doubt, you clarify. Meeting up at 6pm? Okay so will you have had dinner by then or will you be eating with us? It’s not that they’re not welcome, it’s just I want to know so I can prepare?
Like I spent a few months living at a friend’s place cause I was renovating - had a key, my own room, was part of the family. There was only one rule: I had to let them know whether I’d be home for dinner or not. And like, I think that’s a fair request? There’s a difference cooking for 3 or 4, obviously she wanted to know.
That’s not to say I would let visitors watch, or leave them somewhere while I’d go eat - I’ve read those stories and that is just supremely weird. But honestly I wouldn’t know what to do if dinner time arrived and my guests would not show any sign of leaving? Because as the person above says, I want to be a Good Host and offer Good Food.
Leftovers are not Good Food, they’re literally what’s left from the day before and it’s probably not even a full portion anyway, let alone enough for everybody. And it’s hardly thoughtful - like, here, have something I found at the back of the fridge. Bread and cheese are Basic Food, I can’t serve that to guests, it’s like I couldn’t be bothered to put any effort. Takeout is Lazy Food - it’s fine once in a while, but it doesn’t exactly scream thoughtful host.
So now I have to MAKE food, and hope that I 1. actually went shopping, and 2. can somehow combine the ingredients for two 4-person-meals into one 8-person-meal. But although this solves the Good Food issue, is also makes me a Bad Host, since now I have to leave my guests alone to go cook. Again, it’s not like they’re not welcome to have dinner, but I didn’t plan on that and now I have to improvise and it feels very much like being put on the spot.
Though I do agree about one thing - don’t make people pay for food that you offer to them, regardless of whether you invited them or not wtf???
