#tit headcanons continue
i talked about tits last night, so it’s time for rule 63 boob/body type opinions for (almost) every character! get ready, nerds.
- lan wangji, lan xichen, and the rest of the lans have ballerina bodies. no tits, no hips, all muscle all through. they’re tall, thin, and optimized for control.
- wei wuxian – it kind of depends when you are in the show. during the disciple days wwx is constantly struggling to maintain muscle mass. needing to be good at swords means needing to be strong, but it’s work. in the burial mounds she’s starving, a bit, and the muscle fades, but thinness doesn’t look right on her either, it just looks hungry and haunted. upon coming back to life (not to mo xuanyu’s body i’m sorry but i don’t like the body swap at all, strong personal preference for cql there) the lack of insane pressure lets her body settle into how it was supposed to be all along, flat stomach but soft upper arms, great for hiking and scrambling up rugged mountains, also great for sex. lz is so so into wwx’s body all the time, but especially after she fills back out and looks healthy again.
- jiang cheng looks like a swimmer/diver. athletic, heavier in the thighs and shoulders than the lans, optimized for strength and power but streamlined about it. not nearly as bony as the lans, not as bulky as the nies. when i think of swimmers i think of those too-small lycra suits that keep everything squeezed tight and in place: what tits jc has are bound up tight to enable more SWEET FLIPS.
- jin guangyao is a different story. short and all curves. hates it. hates it so much, because everyone looks at her tits and thinks “whore’s daughter, figures.” jgy is constantly on a diet, trying to balance the power of good tits and the need to eradicate every trace of baby fat from her face. jokes on her: there’s no winning that game. just a constant fight and always too many dimples. (don’t worry, nmj and lxc think it is an extremely hot bod in every single way, jgy just has issues) the rest of the jins are like, b-cups who don’t think about their weight, or are shapeless like jin guangshan.
- nie mingjue could crush your head between her thighs!!! what a jock. what a weightlifter bod. what shoulders. what abs.
- nie huaisang has great tits and a great ass and knows it. they come with a bit of a belly and soft hands, and that’s mostly okay. it’s not a body that’s great for martial arts, but that’s alright: nothing about nhs screams fighter. in addition to the nervous tics with the fan and the hair-doodlie tweaking, nhs does a quick boob-adjust when she stands up, little heft and straighten, followed by a sly look around to see if anyone got Entranced.
- wen chao, greaser lesbian extraordinaire, has that not-sexy-to-men boxy mechanic look that is unfortunately sexy to homosexuelles. she’s like, not butch, quite. she can’t actually change a tire or lovingly craft you a hutch for the mud room. tits not remarkable.
- wen zhiliu is 100% butch. so dreamily and meanly butch without even trying. track team body. #nice
- xiao xingchen is another dancer with no chest to speak of, willowy about it
- song lan also has no chest to speak of, but in the opposite of a willowy way. more like a boxer. secretly insecure that her tits are not as good as xue yang’s.
- xue yang, predictably, has moderately sized but fab tits and like, really good nipples i bet? i don’t know why i think that, probably a remnant from shane in the l word. good nips are a shortcut to confidence. perky.
- lan sizhui didn’t inherit the dancer look of the lans, and it a little less rail-thin, a little bit soft compared to jingyi’s twiggy frame. of all the juniors, ouyang zizhen has the best boobs and thinks it’s a secret that she’s smug about that (it is not a secret, zizhen sucks at secrets). jin ling looks like a softball player, so like – a jock but kind of sunburnt about it.
for the record, all boobs are good boobs, jgy’s body issues nonwithstanding, even the ones i said weren’t that good. if i left somebody off and you are desperate to know my thoughts about how rule 63 fic should objectify them by making sure they are very very hot and lesbian about it, send me an ask and i will do my best to comply.
additional tits headcanons, some kindly donated by friends, you’re all welcome:
- wen ning is the kind of soft nerd girl who wears baggy 3-wolves t-shirts and mom jeans that mean nobody can really tell what she looks like. hasn’t ever really thought about her tits except for how they get in the way during archery competitions. then she dies and comes back as a goth jock and everyone learns that holy shit wen ning is ripped???? biceps???
- xue yang’s nipples are pierced, sorry everyone
- jin zixun claims she can tell when someone has had plastic surgery or seen a dermatologist but also contours her boobs, poorly, with the wrong shade of bronzer. doesn’t wash the makeup off well enough and ends up with cleavage acne
- jin zixuan wears designer workout clothes to spin class, and hot yoga, and pure barre, and every other trendy gym thing. secretly insecure because she thinks her left tit is smaller than the right one
- su she has a saggy ass and no number of squats will save it. alas, also has pretty good tits and with a bra that fit could be kind of a bombshell, but is too obsessed with her cup size to get it right
- nie mingjue is too dignified to make her boobs bounce just by flexing her pecs but the point is that she could.
