#tracy wolff

My hands curl into fists, my fangs explode in my mouth, and though there were a million other ways I was hoping to break my newfound knowledge to Grace, the words come out before I can even think about stopping them.

“Jaxon, if you wouldn’t mind, take your fucking hands off my mate.”

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!

“I won the game and Cyrus bit me. You guys brought me here and—” She turns to me. “Hudson, thank you. Thank you so much.”

Disappointment racks me, but I ignore it. I’m certainly used to it by now, and—on the positive side—at least my hands aren’t trembling anymore. So what if she remembers the facts of what happened today and nothing else. Certainly nothing that came before. It’s probably better that way.

“Don’t thank me,” I tell her, even as she reaches for me, her hand clutching at my arm as she smiles up at me in a way I haven’t seen from her in quite a while. Now my whole body is trembling…and I don’t have a bloody clue what to do about it. Especially when Grace is full-on grinning at me despite the fact that her grip isn’t quite as strong or as firm yet as it would normally be.

“And why is that exactly?”

A half a dozen answers come to mind, but in the end, I don’t say any of them. “That’s what I thought.”

She rolls her eyes. “Just admit you saved me, Hudson. I promise, it won’t make you any less of a jerk in the long run.”

“I think you’re confused.” I shake my head again, more determined than ever to make it stick this time. The last thing I want from Grace is gratitude. It’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted from her. “I was just—”

“I don’t want to argue with you,” she says. “Especially over something so ridiculous.”

“So don’t,” I answer. “I’m sure you’ve got better things to do right now.” Besides, you know, ripping my heart out of my chest again.

I HAVE A FEELING.

“Maybe not. But I know—” I break off as another fresh wave of pain surges through me and I gasp. I must have been in the eye of the tempest earlier, and now the pain is buffeting against me in growing agony. I’m out of time.

“You don’t know anything,” he answers harshly, his storm-tossed eyes wet with more emotions than I can keep track of. “But you’re about to.”

It means a lot of what I blamed Hudson for wasn’t his fault—or maybe didn’t even happen at all. That he tried to tell me several times only makes me feel worse.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask as he strides away from the arena and back toward the forest we came through less than two hours ago.

“Tell you what?” he asks. “Not to go anywhere near my father? I’m pretty sure we covered that several times.”

“No,” I respond after swallowing the lump in my throat. “Why didn’t you tell me what a good person you are?”

Startled blue eyes find mine and our gazes lock, hold. For a second, Hudson slows down so much that he nearly trips over his own feet while Macy and Jaxon demand to know what’s going on.

And realize that he didn’t just give me some of his power. He gave it all to me. And can I just say—holy hell! I knew Hudson was powerful, but I’m used to powerful. I was mated to Jaxon, after all, and in the world I come from, it doesn’t get much more powerful than that…or so I thought.

But the kind of power Hudson has? The kind of power that’s coursing through my body right now? It’s like nothing I ever could have imagined. Like nothing anyone I know could possibly imagine…even Jaxon. I’m barely skating along the edges of it, and it feels like more than I can ever possibly hope to wield or contain. What would it feel like to have all that inside you?

To know you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted?

For a second—just a second—all the bits and pieces of what Hudson has told me over the last couple of weeks during our myriad conversations come together in my head. Jaxon definitely got it wrong. Because if Hudson had really wanted to commit genocide, hell, if he really wanted to kill everyone, he wouldn’t have wasted his time with only using his gift of persuasion. I see it now, what he’s really capable of.

With a mere thought, his enemies would have been turned to dust. Not just one. Or ten. Or even a thousand. All of them. And now I can’t help wondering if the only reason Jaxon defeated Hudson is because Hudson let him win. Because I know, without a doubt, all I need to do is think of something and it will, quite simply, cease to be.

But I don’t need them to save me, not this time. Thanks to Hudson, I’ve got this. Even if no one on this field knows it yet.

Because Hudson is the only one who gave me the strength to pick myself back up again. Even if it meant giving up the very essence of who he was. For me. A girl who spent the last two weeks hating him. Who was at one point willing to take from him that which he willingly gave.

“You’ve got this, honey.” She takes my hand and squeezes, then darts a quick look to my dad to encourage him to step back and give me room. “Now, get up. Get up, Grace.”

And she smiles at me. A smile so filled with love, so filled with confidence and hope and warmth, that I feel it explode inside me, envelop me in its strength and power. So much power, sizzling just below the surface. Waiting for me to touch it. To take it. To use it.

And that’s when I know.

When I recognize what this is.

This power lighting up every cell in my body isn’t just mine.

It’s Hudson’s.

And it is ungodly.

Maybe it’s the whirlwind I just went through, but nothing he’s saying is making any sense to me right now.

“But how? You can’t just drop things off in people’s memories.” The look he gives me says that maybe I can’t, but he certainly can.

But all he says is, “When all that magic you just did put me back together, I chose to leave them behind for you, in my favorite memory of yours. It’s the one when you were little and your parents were teaching you how to ride a bike. Remember? You fell off and skinned your knee, and your dad told you that it was okay. That you would try again tomorrow.”

I nod, because I do remember that memory. It’s one of my favorites, too, and I think about it every time I have something hard to do…and every time I miss my parents.

“My mom told him I could do it. She told us both I could do it.”

“Yeah, she did. And then she smiled at you and it was so full of love and so full of confidence—”

“That I picked up my bike, dusted the gravel off my knees, and rode all the way home by myself.”

“Yes, you did. And she ran along beside you the whole way, just in case.” His eyes are soft as he continues. “But you only needed her once.”

“Yeah, when I hit a rut in the sidewalk and started to wobble. She grabbed on to the back of my seat and held me steady for a few seconds until I could get control again.”

“That’s why I hid my powers in her smile. So you’d know that I believe in you, too. That I know you can do this. And while I can’t be on that field to catch you if you fall, that doesn’t mean I don’t have your back.”

I SCREAMED. THIS BOY JUST TOOK ALL THE PREVIOUS STANDARDS AND BURNT IT.

There’s no more sarcastic voice in my head, no watchful presence, nothing but my own thoughts and memories rattling around up there. He’s really gone.

I whirl around, shout, “Hudson—” Then freeze, because there he is, standing right in front of me. Same Armani trousers and burgundy silk dress shirt. Same Brit boy hair. Same brilliant blue eyes. Only the smile is different—his usual sardonic smirk replaced by a tiny, uncertain twist of his lips.

Oh, and his smell. His smell is new, too. But can I just say, holy hell? How could this guy have lived in my head for all those months and I not have a clue that he smells like this? Like ginger and sandalwood and warm, inviting amber…and confidence. He smells like confidence.

“Hi, Grace.” He gives me the little two-fingered wave he used to do all the time in my head that always exasperated me. Somehow, in person, it’s just as bad.

“Hudson. You’re…” I trail off, not sure what to say to him now that he’s right in front of me. Now that he’s real.

I feel it then, another wrenching deep inside me. This one is different from what I felt with Jaxon, though. This one feels less like my entire soul is being ripped to shreds and more like something is finally sliding back into place. I stand frozen for several seconds, unable to move or breathe or even think. But then I realize that it’s over, that it’s really over, and I close my eyes. Let the bloodstone fall to the ground at my feet. And breathe, just breathe. Until it hits me that what I’m feeling is emptiness…because Hudson is gone.

“Get out!” Hudson yells at me, panic evident in his voice. “Get out of the circle!” But it’s too late. I’m not going anywhere—I can’t go anywhere. The electric current that surrounds me is burning hotter, getting stronger, and the ground beneath my feet starts to vibrate.

Hudson’s eyes go huge as he realizes what I’m doing.

“You can’t do this right now,” he tells me, backing away from me in such a hurry that he nearly trips over his own feet—and probably would have if he was actually in his own body.

“There are other, more important things for you to—”

“I might die.” Three little words, but they shut him right up, his mouth slamming closed fast and tight, even as his eyes implore me to stop talking. To not say what we both know I’m going to say. But I can’t give him that, not now when there’s so very much on the line.

“This isn’t what you need to be worrying about right now, Grace. You need to focus. Plus, if I’m still in your head, maybe I can help you. Maybe I can—”

“Die with me,” I finish the sentence with a firm shake of my head. “I know you like to do things your way, but you don’t get a vote on this. One way or the other, I’m getting you out of my head, so you can either help me or you can risk ending up haunting the hallways as Katmere Academy’s very first ghost.”

There’s more to say—there’s always more to say with Jaxon—but I really am out of time. So I just give him one last smile, and then I turn away.

“Grace.” Jaxon calls my name in a voice made hoarse by too much pain, too much loss.

“Yeah.”

“You can’t go in there,” he rasps.

“What?”

“The arena. You can’t go in there without me.”

“I know.” He rolls over to his side, reaches a hand out to me, and I think about taking it. I want to take it. But he’s too far away, and it doesn’t matter anyway. A touch of fingertips won’t bring back what we lost. “I mean it, Grace. They’ll kill you if you go in there. Or worse, take you back to London and destroy you piece by piece.”

Silly boy, can’t he see that I’m already destroyed? Already broken into so many pieces that I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to try to put them back together again.

My parents are dead.

My memory is gone.

My mating bond is gone.

Why on earth would I go in there to fight? I’ve got nothing left to fight for. The clouds creep ever closer, blocking out the last remnants of light as sleet begins to fall, the rain and ice stinging my skin, leaching the last little bit of warmth from inside me. A heavy lassitude overtakes me.

It has my eyes closing and my mind wandering and my breathing slowing to almost nothing. There’s a voice deep in my head telling me that it’s okay, that I can just stay right here. That I can rock shut as a seashell and let the stone take me. I don’t remember the last three months.

Maybe if I stay stone long enough, I won’t remember any of this, either.

I take one last breath and then let go.

It takes a couple of minutes for us to hobble up to the back entrance of the arena, but just as we get to the ornately carved entranceway, Cole walks out from behind the closest tree and starts clapping as he puts himself directly in our path.

“What do you want, Cole?” Jaxon growls, but there’s not a lot of strength behind it, and judging from the way Cole’s eyes go wide, he knows it, too.

“I just wanted to see if you were actually going to show up, Vega. It looks like you did. I don’t know if that means you’re brave or just the cockiest bastard on the planet. I mean, look at you.” He laughs. “I almost feel bad.”

I know I shouldn’t ask—he’s too smug and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. But I’m tired and obviously easily bait-able, and the words come out before I know I’m going to say them.

“For what?”

He looks me straight in the eye as he pulls a piece of paper, obviously ripped into pieces some time ago and now held together with tape, out of his pocket and says, “For this.”

Jaxon’s eyes go wide and he yells, “No!” as he makes a grab for Cole. But suddenly all of Cole’s minions are there. Two wolves grab on to me, two of them grab Jaxon, and the last three position themselves between him and Cole.

“You’re just so arrogant, aren’t you, Jaxon? You didn’t even hesitate to tear up something this powerful that could be used against you and throw it into the trash in front of everyone.” His smile is pure malice and something more…jealousy. “What must it be like to be that confident everyone fears you, that no one would ever even dare to hurt you or your mate? Well just remember: you brought this on yourself.”

And then Cole is reading a series of words that don’t make much sense to my already addled brain—words that sound like a spell or a poem. I don’t know. I’m so tired and it’s so hard to follow… Except as he finishes, there’s a giant wrenching inside me, a ripping in my soul that hurts like nothing has ever hurt before in my life.

I scream from the shock, from the pain, and my legs go out from under me. I hit the ground hard, my head bouncing off the packed snow as every single part of me shrieks in agony. Make it stop, oh my God, make it stop! Whatever he did, please, please, please make it stop!

But it doesn’t stop. It goes on and on and on until I can barely breathe. Barely think. Barely be. At one point, I try to push up to my hands and knees, but I’m too weak. It hurts too much. I hear Jaxon shout, and I use the last ounce of strength I have to turn my head toward him. He’s writhing on the ground, legs drawn up, body arched in pain.

“Jax—” I reach a hand out toward him, try to call his name, but I can’t reach him. I’ve got nothing left. Darkness wells up inside me as I collapse back onto my stomach, and I do the only thing I can do to get to Jaxon. I reach for the mating bond…and then scream all over again when I realize it isn’t there.

“Hey,” Hudson says, and his voice is nearly as hoarse as Jaxon’s and mine. Then again, he did do a lot of shouting there in the cave. “You’ve got this. It’s just a little farther, and then you can sit for a few minutes and just breathe, right? You and Jaxon can get your second winds.”

My lovely, poor boy.

I knew that it was wrong to take away Hudson’s vampire nature. I knew it was wrong for us to sit in judgment of him.

And I knew it was wrong to risk all our lives because I wasn’t strong enough to convince anyone that they were wrong, too. So many wrongs that have led us here that I don’t know how to make right. I don’t know how I’ll ever make my way home again.

I don’t know if I’m saying it to him or to Xavier or to Hudson or to all three. I just know that it’s my own hardheadedness that has brought us here, my flat-out refusal to listen to Hudson even when he begged me to, that led us to this exact moment in time. My inability to see anything in terms beyond black or white, good or bad. Savior or monster.

“You need to stop this!” Hudson begs as he walks over to where I’m leaning on a rock wall, trying to catch my breath. For the first time, he sounds panicked—really, really panicked. “You have to call them off, Grace. No one else will do it, so you have to.”

“I don’t know how!” I yell back at him. “Even if I try to call them off, even if they listen to me, the beast isn’t going to just let us go. How do I get them out of here without us all being killed?”

“Talk to him,” Hudson tells me.

“Talk to him? Talk to who?” I shriek.

“The Unkillable Beast. Can’t you hear him? He’s been talking to you all along—you need to answer him. You’re the only one who can.”

“Talking to me? Nobody’s been talking to me!”

“I hear him, Grace. I know you hear him, too. That voice telling you to go, telling you not to die. That’s him.”

“No. You’re wrong. That’s my gargoyle.”

“I’m not wrong. You need to trust me, Grace.”

“I don’t believe—”

“Goddammit!” he yells as he falls to his knees, tears in his eyes, face twisted in agony. “I’ve fucked up, okay? A lot. I know that. You know that. But I’m not fucking this up. I know that’s his voice. I know you can talk to him. I know you can stop this. You’re the only one who can. Just fucking listen to me for once in your whole fucking life like you did when we were together.”

He’s screaming now, begging, and I want to believe him. I do. But if I’m wrong—

“No!” I scream as the beast turns toward Macy with a roar.

I shoot straight up in the air, race to get to her before he reaches her, but even as I fly faster than I ever have in my life, I know I’m not going to be fast enough. I know I’m going to be too late. Xavier gets there a split second before I do. He throws himself in front of Macy, sends her careening to the ground behind him and takes the blow meant for her. I can hear the bones shatter from where I am, can feel his skull crack and cave in even before he flies straight into the wall. He hits the ground with a sickening thud, but the beast doesn’t care.

He reaches for Xavier’s leg, starts to pick him up, but it’s my turn to throw myself in front of Xavier. I land between them, and I do what Hudson’s been begging me to do. I throw my arms up in the universal gesture for stop and scream, “No!” from the very depths of my soul.

“I’m really looking forward to the day he disappears for good.”

“Yeah, me too,” I answer. And I mean it, I do. I really am looking forward to having my mind and my body back for my exclusive use. But still, there’s something in Jaxon’s statement, and his voice, that doesn’t feel quite right. I just can’t put my finger on what it is.

I glance at Hudson and notice fury in his gaze before he has a chance to hide it. He’s angrier than I’ve ever seen him. Angry and something more—hurt. His gaze narrows on Jaxon just as Jaxon seems to almost stumble, reaching out to put one hand on the wall beside him.

“Whoa.” Jaxon gives me a half smile. “I think I’m more tired than I thought.”