#tumblr bejng tumblr
nothing brings me more joy than repeatedly doing a bit that my mother dislikes
i think i’m funny and that’s the main thing
join-mi-in-the-forest-darling:
Just realized I’m never at a 0 on a fatigue scale, at my best I’m at like.. a 1-3?
I always feel like.. kinda dozey? (Like when you get yawny but not really tired) and my legs and arms feel kinda like how they might feel after a workout or smth.
Wack how people just don’t feel at least a little tired.
shadow, ai am begging you to tell me right now that being fatigued at all time is typical. please. because ai am always at least a two.
I hate to be the one to inform you /lh
Most people are at a 0
Bill Nye for most of his career: Imma do science for kids. Science without politics. Nice, tame science for the kiddos.
Bill Nye now:
BILL, BILL, BILL!!!!
And let’s not forget
I’d never seen that last one, but my life is better for it
o m g
BILL NYE SAYS WOMENS RIGHTS, SCIENCE IS REAL, LGBTQ+ RIGHTS, AND HOMICIDE IS SOMETIMES OKAY
NOTHING but absolute RESPECT for the world’s substitute science teacher
NOTHING but absolute RESPECT for the world’s
substitutescience teacher
as someone who was already scared of the ocean uhhhhhh
Terrifying depths of the ocean my beloved
As someone around for 9-11 and the “NEVER FORGET NUMBER #1 GREATEST TRAGEDY EVER IN HISTURY” response to it I am in thrilled and invigorated by the fact that younger people just make amogus memes and TikTok nonsense about it. A huge chunk of America cared more about it than any entire genocide and thought you would cry learning about it. They hoped it’d make every generation patriotically angry forever and ever and want to join the military. Instead you Photoshop the towers into squidwards house and shit. Never stop lol
I’m physically unable to take 9/11 seriously, entirely because my grade 9 english teacher was bizarrely obsessed with it. We basically had an entire unit on 9/11. We watched that documentary from those students that were doing a documentary of firefighters and wound up getting the only footage of the first plane hitting. We did a novel study of a book about some kid being in one of the towers for take your kid to work day and him and his dad squeezing past the wreckage of the plane to escape in time. We watched that Nic Cage movie of him being a firefighter during 9/11 that gets stuck in an elevator shaft when the place collapses. I am dead fucking serious, we had to make up fictional people that died in the attack, write an obituary for our 9/11sona’s, and then write and deliver a eulogy as their grief-stricken parent. At one point in the unit the teacher clarified that she hadn’t personally lost anyone to the attack, nor was she anywhere near New York when it happened. She never bothered to ask if any of us had actually lost someone in the attack, which kind of seems like a thing you should do before making us invent fictional victims to give eulogies for. The unit began with her demanding to know where we all were on the day of the attack and what we remembered, and she started crying when we told her that 1. we were two years old at the time and couldn’t remember shit fuck, the closest thing was one of the older kids kind of thought they remembered being very confused at adults freaking out over the TV but that could have been literally anything, and so this meant that 2. we were the last class she would ever teach that could possibly remember 9/11. Probably didn’t help that someone pointed out that we were the class born in 1999, so in two years she’d have students that hadn’t even been born during 9/11. That may have contributed to the teacher crying over the whole thing.
We’re Canadian.
That last sentence KILLED me. Jesus fuck.
how is the kentucky derby not trending on here?? the horse with the lowest odds wins and immediately starts biting everything in its sight, that sounds like a tumblr legend to me
oh my fucking god
This horse wasn’t even supposed to be in the race. Horse number 20 (can’t remember it’s name) dropped out the day before for whatever reason, and Rich Strike was just barely able to sneak a spot into the derby before the deadline. Not to mention that this was just some garbage $30,000 horse that didn’t have any kind of impressive breeding (yes I am aware $30k is still a lot, but for a Kentucky Derby horse, that’s chump change). He was the second biggest upset in the history of the Derby, with one other horse (Donerail) winning with 91-1 odds before in 1913 (Which, for reference, I’m pretty sure Donerail with his 91-1 odds still holds the record for the worst odds in the history of the race. Just for context of how shit Rich Strike’s 80-1 odds were. Not THE worst, but definitely up there).
I am in love with this shit horse who wasn’t even supposed to be there, had some of the worst odds in the history of the race, and had the worst starting position who completely destroyed all of the favorites to win. Watching him come up to first right at the last second was THRILLING.
This story is fucking hilarious
So Rich Strike has barely won a race, but he ALWAYS shoots up in the last stretch. He goes from 11th to 4th, from 8th to 3rd. Rich Strike hits the final corner and suddenly gets flashbacks to his previous life as a Klingon warrior. He starts snarling curses and heads for the finish line like it insulted his ancestors and must PAY, that’s just how he runs races
And this was a record-setting time for the Kentucky Derby- the fastest race EVER. It was incredible. Which means the lead horses, the favorites, were sprinting as hard as they could the entire race. By the time they got to the end they were exhausted
And here comes Rich Strike, turns the last corner and his vision goes red. The lead horses can’t pick up the final sprint like usual- they already ARE going flat out. Rich Strike comes up on the inside, NOT exhausted by fighting for the lead spot, howling “DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR” like the complete fucking lunatic he is and just blows past everyone
He’s ready to kill. He wants to tear into some Romulans and destroy the Federation, and he wins everything
Then the guy on horseback whose job it is to help slow the running horses down after they cross the finish line comes up and Rich Strike LOSES HIS SHIT
He bites the other horse, he bites the rider, he bites himself. He’s like “oh you think you can slow ME down?! I’LL KILL YOU. QAPLA!”
He’s completely insane and I love him
Oh the McElroys are gonna love this one