itchycoil:

marcitlali:

imagine being the first amish bitch in your village to like get your body done like ass shots titties done and like beat face contoured… and then you walked into like the saloon or whatever amish people have and everyone dropped their irish fiddles and was shookedt? like everyone churning butter was just in shock and you walked across the artisanal wood floors in your wantmylook.com thigh high lace up heeled boots like your life depended on it… yes god

What kind of award can this get submitted for

argumate:

s4mm4n:

God I miss the days when you could show up to a stranger’s farm and he’d say “What’s your name, boy?” and you’d take off your hat and hold it to your chest to better let him see your face and reply “Why I ain’t got none, sir, on account of my mammy passed on before she could give me one” and he’d tell you he’s real damn sorry to hear that and ask what he can do you for and you’d tell him that you can’t read nor even write neither but you’re mighty good with horses and can mend them fallen fence posts what you saw on your way in and won’t ask for nothing much more than a hot meal and a warm barn to sleep in and he’d keep his wife and daughters inside but send his boy who ain’t got married yet even though his mama tells him he needs a woman out with a lantern and some stew at night and the two of you’d get to talkin and he’d throw you his flask to take a swig from and watch you drinkin from it while he leant against the door frame and when he finally got called back on up to the house again he’d take a sip from it too real slow-like like it weren’t the whiskey what he were tryna savour

you see you don’t get posts like this on twitter

soan-papdi:

iamdone9:

mkaiser323:

It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” into your car’s side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up.

Being a dick even to demons

The Winchester way™

wittyno:

haystarlight:

oatmealaddiction:

honeyandpumpkins:

crossroadsdirt:

tearlessrain:

listen people are starting to realize tumblr isn’t dead we all need to be as cringe as possible for the next few months, it’s vital to our survival

I love that op said “be as cringe as possible” and my main man Tumblr replied with giffs of Superwholock in that exact order. I love you all so much.

ditzyalpaca:

fuckdamn:

hozey-nevergoingtochurch:

maplebungus:

heartshapedbasil:

your man doesn’t have the mental strength to caramelize onions 

your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions

Who’s fucking carmelizing onions?

Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions

your man thinks putting caramel on onions is caramelizing them

thrussy:

tupacabra:

we are all in the same boat. the human boat

vrixie:

irisannwest:

do you ever

do you ever just have

that one class

that one freaking class

that just depresses you when you think about it because

oh god you hate it so much

The bourgeoisie

dimplelylee:

theryanproject:

Where my introverts at?

home

upgraders:

upgraders:

that feeling you get when you’re angry

anger

allons-ynumberten:

eviesrealitychangesdaily:

andwhentheskywasopened:

continueplease:

louwhis:

(◡‿◡✿)

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

(ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ “hold my flower”

✿＼(｡-_-｡) “Kick his ass, baby.  I got yo flower.”

i found it

the original post

i found it

this should have the opportunity to be on everyone’s blog. 

*tour guide voice*

and here on the left ladies and gentlemen, you see one of the posts before everyone went batshit crazy

bumblespam-hdd:

angelicguy:

milk5:

angelicguy:

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

dude hes three….

And uncultured. Get a new child

heritageposts:

sreegs:

ohthehypocrisy:

toastoat:

leafcrunch:

foxfamilyfeatures:

tumblr’s code may change but no notes ghost stays the same

Oh thank god

imagine the shit storm when tumblr finally becomes so dysfunctional that this post’s total notes is finally revealed

In case anyone’s curious about what happened to this post, it has to do with how we tally up notes. Likes and reblogs always add to the note count of the root post (the OP). However, the note count relies on the previous value of the root post before adding more notes to it.

Normally when you delete a post, it’s gone, but not gone gone. Just deleted from public never to be seen again. The database entry is still there, just inaccessible.

This post, however, the root post is just gone. Gone gone. Gone forever. Everything attached to it is still there, but since the root post is hard deleted, it’s got nothing to add to. When the note counter tries to add notes to nothing, it goes nowhere.

So it throws every new note into the void. Goodbye forever, notes.

I’m not sure if we’ll ever know the real number of notes on this post.

date of origin: unknown

miles-superus-117:

animentality:

theemperorrises:

that70sshowwriters:

thedailylaughs:

im-patrick-stumped:

this-is-cthulhu-privilege:

spookleic-asshole:

ilikechildren–fried:

the-clockwork-crow:

eee-in:

the-clockwork-crow:

fuckboy4equality:

nucleic-asshole:

itsdeepforhappypeople:

lordwellingtonofficial:

dyrks:

spoopflow:

boopong:

spoopflow:

boopong:

dirudo:

boopong:

spoopflow:

being in a public restroom and hearing someone shitting really loud

being in a public restroom

being in a public

being

people adding things 2 my posts

your posts

ur blog

u

IM LAUGHING SO HARD. I THREW MY PHONE SO I COULD BREATHE

you thinking that comment was necessary

thinking

wen u zoom in

I love this post

love

It just keeps getting better

overused captions

Tumblr’s new layout

tumblr

the internet

this is the only long ass post i’m ever going to reblog

Long ass posts

Ass

congratulations for making it to the end of this post.

You think this is the end of this post?

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

asymbina:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

foxpost-generator:

ourspecial:

foxpost-generator:

:

it fucken WIMDY

ever since i first saw this post, “it fucken WIMDY” is easily one of the top ten most commonly used phrases in my household.

My job is done.

This fox looks SO OFFENDED

“Mother nature STOP BLOWING AIR AT MY FACE AT ONCE I am Just A Smol Fox and need to do fox things HOW DARE YOU”

TOO MUCH WIMDY

“DO NOT WANT”

lily-orchard:

thedeathangel2112:

just-shower-responses:

grace-theace:

lost-above-ground:

bakugou-klancey-lance:

stardoesart:

ihalfandhalfbastardi:

stardoesart:

bakugou-klancey-lance:

youmaycallmeyourhigness:

sophfandoms53:

dannymg777:

biggest-goldiest-fish:

suspicious-sweaters:

yeetkey:

ozzy-pawsbone-prince-of-barkness:

yeetkey:

ozzy-pawsbone-prince-of-barkness:

yeetkey:

the-kleptomancer:

yeetkey:

baconaxolotl101:

kurlyfryz:

toaster-120:

kurlyfryz:

anachronistic-cat:

kurlyfryz:

insert-gay-pun-queer:

andy-the-anon:

emo-scooby-snack-loving-giant:

katatles-the-fish:

im-an-aesthetic-mess:

mysticalpoodle:

daddyhyperion:

cyberduckshark:

awkwardintrovert2004:

kitsumekat:

stvckyslvt:

chancethereaper:

majitowfoxlover:

prguitarman:

legowerewolf:

emma-d-klutz:

shaolinbynature:

hey-hey-shutthefuckup:

lukestarkillerisgay:

microtear:

drankinwatahmelin:

lordhams:

goldensweetcheeks:

ellsworthej:

e-wifey:

thxrsdxy:

britteryikes:

lizzysarai:

effigyofubiquity:

kwantsu:

mf-johnson:

kumasenpai:

laurdlannister-kingslayer:

britteryikes:

singingnightowl:

antiandrogen:

abrown16:

teamnowalls:

antiandrogen:

shesfromsaturn:

violetnpurple:

savvygooner:

just-shower-thoughts:

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

LISTEN-

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

father god 

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

-_-’

(15+15=30

25+25=30)

25+25 = 30?
You sure about that??

Lord have mercy….

Bye

3 days into 2018 smh

LMAOOOOOOO

One

Three

Five

Nine

And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter ‘E’.

YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

It keeps getting worse.

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

My head hurts…

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

who failed yall?

IM SCREAMING

You whole ass forgot about eight - a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

why would 8 be brought up if it’s EVEN in a post about ODDS??????? the post said “every single ODD number has an ‘e’ in it” not “every single number with an ‘e’ is odd” what the fuck

3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

happy New year’s eve

I’m going to bring this flaming dumpster into 2019 so future generations can see what a mistake Tumblr was

Er, guys two is odd and doesn’t have an e. Just saying…

did you deadass just try to tell me two is odd? i’m fucking crying throw the whole website away

Reblogging for the last one

The one thing I notice is that no matter how much you want to throw this site away, you just can’t.

TWO IS ODD?!?! PFFFTT I’M SCREAMING

Wait what about zero that’s an odd number ,no?

ok but hear me out fifty and thirty make up for the fact they have no e by the way they are pronounces third-E fifth-E

bro why do 30 and 50 matter THEY’RE FUCKING EVEN

what the actual fuck is happening

1 is an even number

I’m gonna smack you

-30 and -50 have an e in them

Wait why are we so quick to throw away the Zero idea

Zero isn’t a number

It can’t be divided by two though, can it

It can??? 0/2=0??

OD NUMBERS

onE

thrEE

fivE

sEvEn

ninE

OD numbers huh?

Anything that ends with a 0,2,4,6,8 is even and the rest is odd (1,3,7,9) stop freaking out y’all

YOU FORGOT 5

DUDE WHAT ABOUT FOUR

What about it?????

THAT DOESN’T HAVE E IN IT

THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S EVEN?????

A R E Y O U G U Y S O K A Y

IM FUCKIN SOBBING HAVAGAFDHFDHHBJJ

I’m honestly so confused right now

This is the height of our stupidity, It has to be or future generations cannot exist

ZERO IS BOTH ODD AND EVEN 

Technically zero isn’t even a number

what even is zero then

It’s similar to black and white. They aren’t official colors and neither is 0.

Black is a “shade” and white is a “tint”

Numbers aren’t real

Is anything really

this post really makes me feel better about my math skills, thanks, tumblr

how did this manage to get worse

You know that can be said about a lot of things.

I LAUGHED SO HARD IT FUCKING HURTS!

fanotastic:

sexdrugsandanime:

fanotastic:

itjusthappensiguess:

stealme-withakiss:

brightgreencrayon:

shibari-babe:

fanotastic:

fanotastic:

fanotastic:

cryptictranz:

fanotastic:

cryptictranz:

fanotastic:

cryptictranz:

fanotastic:

Soda is bubbly soup.

Soup is boring soda.

Make your own goddamn controversial post

you fuckin heard me.

O hmy god

I’m disturbed

This is like reading of two people getting into an argument in a bar then one of them commits a war crime.

this is i l l e g a l

IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW SOUP IS WARM??? SODA IS NOT FUCKING DRUNK WARM??? AM I MISSING SOMETHING???

Are you sure you’re not the drunk one here?

Okay but can u tell me what it taste like tho

Phenomenal. I eat it like this every time. 

ot3:

heritageposts:

hawkeyedriza:

absolutelydestinysmood:

nannajane:

in 7 years its going to be the 20s again so we can bring back swing music and the aesthetics of that era but keep modern values who’s with me

you can’t repeat the past

can’t repeat the past? why, of course you can! of course you can. 

date of origin: 19th of may, 2013.

this is my post. do you know how it feels to have this be your post? do you understand the guilt i have to live with knowing this is my post? the weight on my soul as the decade popped into prominence with spanish flu …  2 ! 

do you know how it feels, heritageposts? are any of these heritage posts your own or are you just a curator of human misery? do you know how it feels to live knowing that of anything i’ve ever made, anything i’ve ever said, this has been seen by most people, and this will probably remain the case until i die? for this to be my legacy? can you relate? can you empathize? 

but do you want to know the worst part? the absolute worst part of all of this?

we haven’t even brought back art deco into mainstream prominence. sickening

none-of-your-biscuits:

choose-your-muse:

randomslasher:

princeanxious:

logan-exe:

theresneverenoughfandoms:

broadwaytheanimatedseries:

anony-phangirl:

theepitomeofamess:

quinintheclouds:

watfordwallflower:

magickspills:

drowningsun:

altadude:

tediousfeline:

carryonmy-assbutt:

iguanamouth:

prokopetz:

lightninjohn:

prokopetz:

equalistmako:

damianmcgintleman:

equalistmako:

every time i listen to “you’re a mean one mr. grinch” i can’t help but sit there and think “what did the grinch do to hurt you?” because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt

he stole christmas, kayla! stop with your #notallgrinches propaganda!

you know what if someone told me i was a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce i’d probably be bitter enough to steal christmas too 

Interestingly, though The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is narrated by Boris Karloff, the big musical number is sung by the late Thurl Ravenscroft - an American voice actor better known as the voice of Tony the Tiger.

My headcanon is that the Grinch and Tony the Tiger had a bad breakup, and “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” is the resulting breakup song.

Did this really HAVE to be the first thing I see when I opened up Tumblr?

Yes.

oh god theres art

@altadude you know what must be done.

ive been avoiding reblogging this honestly but just. What the fuck. What the fuck tumblr

I apologize to all my followers for this

if i had to read this you do too

I have a hate-hate relationship with this

………

Good grief… I’m sorry, but I can’t not reblog this…

Tis the season bitches

DAMN IT WHY WOULD YOU BRING THIS BACK YOU HEATHEN

Why is this on my dash?

…..I’m.. Bothered? by the fact that I’mnotbothered by this.

You’re not bothered?? I’m not only not bothered, I’m freaking invested. I’m having actual empathetic sadness for The Grinch. I want them to go into couple’s counseling. I want the “ten years later” when Tony visits Whoville on business and meets the reformed Grinch whose heart has grown 3 times its usual size. I want them to reminisce over a shared dinner of roast beast and wine, then spend a drunken night together, then realize that maybe things are different and people really do change. I want a 3-act story where there’s a long dark night of soul searching and the realization that maybe we’ve all got a little bit of bad banana with greasy black peel inside us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a damned fine banana bread if someone will give us a chance. 

“maybe we’ve all got a little bit of bad banana with greasy black peel inside us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a damned fine banana bread if someone will give us a chance” is an incredibly profound quote and I did NOT expect to get it from a Grinch x Tony the Tiger post

every fucking year i have to see this on my dash please just let me fucking r e s t