Dionysos yawned. This wasn’t comfortable. The ground was hard and the sun was burning from the sky. He blinked as he looked up into the sky, where Helios was about midway on his daily path. Dionysos waved at him because the titan saw all. There was nothing else above. Nothing all around him, really. Apparently he had spent the night on an island that was nothing more than a rock in the sea with some weeds growing on it. Oh well. Good parties sometimes ended in unexpected places. His purple cloak was the only piece of clothing on him but it was all he needed at this time of year. He didn’t worry about getting off the island. His divine powers provided him with an infinite supply of wine and he didn’t necessarily need to eat. Hermes would notice him eventually and get him back to his retinue.

Dionysos’ outlook changed somewhat when a day had passed and nobody had taken note of him. He decided to drown his boredom with wine and stared sullenly at the wide sea. Oh! There was a ship! Dionysos praised his fate and hurried up to the highest part of the island, making sure they would see his purple cloak flapping in the wind. They were quick to arrive and Dionysos made sure he looked thoroughly unthreatening: a youth in the first flush of manhood, well-dressed, well-kempt, a little tipsy… He assumed a seductive pose, his rich, dark hair waving about him in the breeze as he greeted the sailors jumping ashore.

“Can you take me to Naxos?” he asked, putting on his most innocent expression. Even if his retinue was not on Naxos, it was one of his cult centres and he would gladly wait there to meet up with them.

“Of course, of course,” one of the sailors replied. “Come aboard, boy, we’ll bring you to Naxos.”

Happily, Dionysos let the man help him climb the ship. His limbs were still heavy with wine but he’d sleep it off now that he was on the way to Naxos.

He had just drifted off to sleep when harsh bonds were wrapped around his wrists.

“What…”

If he willed it, no bondage could hold him. But even if those pirates deserved punishment for attempting to overpower him in his sleepy state, a mere boy to their eyes, he decided to play along.

“Are you out of your mind?!” The helmsman came running, tearing his own hair. “What god is this whom you have taken? No matter if it’s Zeus or Apollon of the silver bow or Poseidon of the Aegean Sea, by the gods release him! He is too beautiful to be a mortal man, he must be one of the deathless gods who live on Mount Olympos!”

“He is a beauty all right.” The captain traced Dionysos’ full lips with a thick finger. “But not unearthly so. You are a superstitious man, Akoetes. Go mark the wind and help hoist sail.”

“Epopeus! Please, let us set him free at once, lest he grow angry and send dangerous winds and gales!”

“We men will see to him, Akoetes. When we are through with him, he will tell us where he’s going and who his friends and family are. He is not a god but he was sent this way by one. We leave at once.”

Dionysos gave the helmsman a wicked smile as he passed, making the poor soul grow pale with fear. But he had nothing to worry about.

The pirates fastened his bonds to the sail above his head, making him stand on tip-toe. The captain took off the purple cloak that he had worn about his shoulders, exposing his naked body for all to see.

“Dressed in splendid cloth,” he said, rubbing his bearded cheek on the soft wool, “And I can still smell the perfume.”

Another pirate groped his chest, gliding the hand down to his navel.

“Flawless skin and well-fed. Not to mention drunk on black Maronian wine¹. He must be a prince.”

“I’m not drunk,” Dionysos protested, “Just a little tipsy.”

“Who are your friends? Where rules your family?” Epopeus asked gruffly. “Tell us and we’ll ransom you instead of selling you in Ephesos². Believe me, pretty boys like you make good coin. Unless you want to suck cock for the rest of your life, you better play along.”

“For what have I deserved this cruel wrong?” Dionysos pouted. “You are strong men mocking a lonely boy.”

The captain grabbed his jaw and yanked it up.

“Answer my question, prince!”

Dionysos smiled darkly.

“So that’s how you want it. I’m from Boeotia, the blood of Kadmos³. But you are out of luck, pirate. My family will never ransom me.”

Epopeus growled.

“Ephesos it is, then. Alkimedon, take care of him.”

The man who had groped him grinned.

“You know… Before we sell him, why don’t we have some fun with this pretty boy ourselves? What do you say, captain?”

The men laughed and jeered:

“Just look at his lips. So full and soft. They are made to suck cock.”

“Any new master would take him straight to bed!”

“That’s what I thought. We’ll teach you the new skills you’ll need, little prince.”

Dionysos strained against the bonds.

“You wouldn’t dare…”

“I’ll take my chances. Tie him up good, Melas.”

The short, tan man came at him with more rope. Dionysos watched with a smile in his dark eyes as his wrists were joined above his head, his legs spread by the willow cords around his ankles.

“I’ll be our sweet prince’s lucky first,” Epopeus announced. “Break him in, give that virgin arse a good pounding and all that. Alkimedon, go get the olive oil. We don’t wanna lose any of his value at the slave market.”

He grabbed one of the god’s bum cheeks and squeezed, sending an icy chill down the god’s spine.

“I… I don’t think so…” Dionysos gave his voice a quiver, looking at the pirates with big, wide eyes, taking in their lecherous gaze. Men lusted after him frequently, either for his youthful, feminine beauty or because they actually mistook him for a girl. He gave Epopeus a shy, innocent plea. But to no avail.

“Now don’t expect a cockerel⁴, little prince,” he said, “But I’m glad to be your first.”

“Please stop, you’re hurting me,” he pleaded in a small voice. But the pirate just chuckled and smacked his bum so hard, tears shot into his eyes.

“Don’t hurt me again,” Dionysos warned, his voice taking on a dangerous edge. The pirates must have noticed too because their jeering died down.

“Or what? You’re tied and fettered, what are you gonna do, sweet prince?”

“Hurt me again and you won’t live to regret it.”

“Don’t get cocky just because Akoetes said you are Apollon.”

“I am not Apollon. If I were, you’d already be dead.”

“Oh yes, I quiver in fear of your shining bow.” He laughed but only three of the others laughed with him. "I think someone needs to be brought down to earth.“ The pirate captain spread the god’s bum cheeks and positioned himself at his entrance.

Thick, red liquid flooded the deck. Epopeus drew back with a fearful cry. It was wine, of course, but at first glance it looked like blood. All fetters fell from the god’s arms, hands, and feet and Dionysos stood in all his divine magnificence. A vine spread out both ways along the top of the sail with many rich clusters of grapes hanging down from it, and a dark ivy-plant twined about the mast, blossoming with flowers and with rich berries growing on it. He covered all the thole-pins with his garlands so the ship almost looked like a garden with the sound of flutes in the distance. The pirates stared, torn between fear and awe.

"I am neither shining Apollon, nor loud-thundering Zeus, nor earth-shaking Poseidon,” Dionysos said with a voice as majestic as any one of those gods. “I am the healer of sorrow, loud-crying Dionysos whom Kadmos’ daughter Semele bore to Zeus, the best source of joy in life for mortal men. But you are not deserving of my gifts, you, who would hurt an innocent boy. Suffer my wrath!”

Dionysos didn’t particularly like transformations. They were quite taxing and reminded him of the part of his childhood he had spent as a goat kid. But there were few things he wouldn’t do for a perfect climax. He called on his divine magic, felt his essence course through his veins as it changed hair into mane, nose into snout, hands into paws and fingernails into claws. He had turned into a big, strong lion. A mighty roar sent the sailors fleeing into the stern of the ship, crowding around the helmsman who was just as pale with fear as the rest of them. Dionysos made a jump at Epopeus, seizing him and sinking his sharp teeth deep into his neck. The other pirates looked on in horror and after a moment of shock, they all jumped overboard into the gleaming sea, escaping this miserable fate. Dionysos tore flesh from bone, delighting in the dark blood spurting from the throat of his victim. Akoetes, the helmsman, was about to make the jump when the god changed back into his human form and held him back.

“Don’t jump, good man. Take courage! You have found favour with my heart. Please, bring me to Naxos, I don’t wish you ill.”

“W-Whatever you wish, Lord Dionysos, is my command!”

“Good.” Dionysos wiped the captain’s blood from his mouth. He looked over the railing at the men struggling in the water. How foolish to think they could escape his wrath. Their skin took on a swarthy hue and fins grew from their curving spines that bent their bodies into crooked shape. Their legs fused into a tail as crescent as the moon and their hands shrivelled into fins until they dove beneath the waves as dolphins, a gift to both Poseidon and Apollon⁵. They would live out their days hunting after fish and dolphin cunt. Content, Dionysos turned to Akoetes.

“Dispose of the body. I’ll get us some food and wine.”

The rest of the journey was enjoyable indeed and once they reached the port of Naxos, Akoetes became a favoured acolyte of the god.

FIN

Notes