Losing Control, Chapter Six (KakaSaku, GenSaku)

A03/Fanfic

New chapter is out (below the cut to keep from cluttering up dashes)! This one gave me all the KakaSaku feels, and I feel like I should apologize but at this point I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. We’re just going to keep going and hoping for the best! Feel free to ask questions or give me you thoughts on here or A03 or FF! Thanks!

Without the hospital or missions to keep Sakura busy, her days passed in a blur of monotony and boredom. Ino showed up a few times in an effort to bolster her spirits, but the plan backfired. The blond’s presence was a constant reminder of the life that Sakura had left behind. When Ino opted to give up after the third failure, Sakura didn’t blame her. The pregnancy opened a gulf between Sakura and her former classmates, one that she wasn’t sure she could cross.

You could just make the problem go away, a small voice in the back of Sakura’s mind whispered. She ignored it. Sakura had made her decision as far as that was concerned. She had no idea what her future might hold if she continued living as a shinobi, but if it ended unexpectedly, she wanted to leave behind something of herself in the world. Besides that, even though Sakura was no closer to understanding how things stood with Genma, she knew that he wanted to keep the baby.

Sakura sighed and curled up on the couch with a cup of warm tea. Since the last time that she had ignored Genma, he hadn’t returned. Part of her was glad that the man found it easy to put their problems behind him, but a smaller part wished that he’d try harder. He’d given Sakura too many mixed signals for her to be sure of his feelings. Wanting a baby was not the same thing as wanting a girlfriend or wife.

Having Genma in Sakura’s life would undoubtedly be more stable for the child, but only if he planned to stay. She couldn’t risk having her heart broken while she was pregnant, much less while she was learning to be a mom. Tsunade and Shizune had been right about Sakura needing a more stable environment, at least. Sakura couldn’t help but wonder if that was the reason that Tsunade had her removed from the hospital rotation.

Despite the emptiness that losing the position left in Sakura’s life, she hadn’t asked Tsunade to reconsider. If the woman wanted to be petty over something that didn’t concern her, that was her choice. She’d made her disappointment with Sakura known on multiple occasions, for keeping the baby, for getting pregnant in the first place, and for sleeping with Genma. Even though the women had resumed an almost friendship in the weeks since, the suspension remained in place.

When Sakura had first found out that she was pregnant, she’d been more worried about how Tsunade and Kakashi would react than her parents. Mebuki had been quietly disappointed, but she seemed excited about the idea of a grandchild despite the circumstances. Sakura’s parents had asked a lot of questions about the father, but she’d been intentionally vague. They weren’t ready to hear about Genma, mostly because Sakura was afraid of the way her father might react.

Mebuki and Kizashi questioned how such things were handled among shinobi. Sakura had laughed at the idea that ninja would do anything different from a civilian, but she hadn’t made an issue over it. Her parents had no idea what her life as a soldier of Konoha entailed, but they should have known Sakura well enough to guess what she would do. At least her parents hadn’t treated her any differently after they found out. Almost everyone accepted the change in Sakura’s status as a natural transition, but she wasn’t sure whether to be thankful or annoyed that they didn’t expect more of her. Hell, she expected more from herself.

Pushing away the thoughts, Sakura tossed off the blanket that she’d wrapped around herself and carried her mug back to the kitchen. She didn’t want to spend the day feeling sorry for herself or wishing for things she couldn’t have. While she couldn’t work at the hospital, there were plenty of other things that she could do. The local cafe had an amazing coffee and tea selection, not to mention some pastries that she’d developed a taste for. There were tons of things to research at the library, and a long walk next to the river would help ease some of the restless energy that had built it up over the past few days.

Sakura had just started for the door when someone knocked on the other side. She paused mid step and frowned, wondering who she would have to avoid this time. Part of her secretly hoped it would be Genma, if only so she could see if he looked upset at being ignored. To her surprise, Iwashi stood outside, tugging his uniform to straighten the flak vest.

The man was so far down on the list of people who might be standing on the other side that he’d never crossed Sakura’s mind. She opened the door, but before she could speak, Iwashi dropped into a bow. “Sorry to disturb you, Haruno-san. Hokage-sama requests your presence at your earliest convenience.”

Quirking an eyebrow at the formality, Sakura lips pulled into a frown. “Do I have a choice, or is this an official summons?”

“The former, I believe,” Iwashi responded. Sakura didn’t know the man well enough to know if the tone of his voice was playful or not. Of Kakashi’s of guards, she knew Raido and Genma the best. Iwashi shrugged, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “Hokage-sama didn’t explain his reasoning to me.”

“Yeah, he’s bad for that,” Sakura joked. She glanced down at her clothes and decided that she needed to change before a trip to the Hokage’s office. “If you’ll give me a few minutes, I can walk back over with you? You’re welcome to come in while you wait.”

A soft shade of pink crept onto the man’s cheeks as he turned to look over the village while hiding his blush. “Thank you, but I’ll wait out here.”

“Suit yourself.” Laughing softly, Sakura shut the door between them. Her amusement eased the tension building in her chest, and she changed into a pair of traditional jonin blacks, then buckled her flak vest over it. The armor felt strange after weeks without it. Sakura knew that she wouldn’t be sent on a mission, but the uniform felt right all the same. As she smoothed a hand over the rough fabric, she wondered how much longer it would fit.

Hurrying to the bathroom, Sakura dragged a brush through her hair and pulled the tresses into a loose ponytail before meeting Iwashi outside. The man bowed when Sakura reappeared then gestured down the walkway toward the stairs without speaking. As they walked, she watched him out of the corner of her eye. Iwashi was the youngest member of the Hokage’s guards as far as she knew. Unless Sakura missed her guess, he was a few years younger than Kakashi, even. She wondered how he’d fall in with Raido and Genma as a guard. One day, she’d like to hear that story.

The thought of Genma forced an uncomfortable tightness back into Sakura’s chest. It had been nearly two weeks since they’d spoken, and she knew that he was waiting for her to make the first move. While it had been unintentional, she’d hurt him. He had approached her to make peace, but Sakura had ignored him. To be fair, she’d been ignoring everyone. She supposed that she should reach out, if only to invite him to the upcoming doctor’s appointment. Sakura could be an adult about the pregnancy at least.

Walking to the Hokage’s office took less time than Sakura expected because she was wrapped up in her own thoughts. As they stood outside the building, Iwashi nodded toward the door. “Raido should be looking for you.”

Sakura’s brow scrunched in confusion. “But, weren’t you sent to summon me?”

“Yes, but it’s only the first of a dozen things that Hokage-sama needed from me this morning.” Iwashi dipped into another bow. “Have a good day, Haruno-san.”

After returning the gesture, Sakura took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, then walked into the once familiar building. Things had changed during Kakashi’s tenure as Hokage. The efficiency that Tsunade and Shizune ran the village with had been replaced by the chaos that was Kakashi. It wasn’t that the man was bad at his job, per se, but he didn’t have the administrative skills of Shizune, or Tsunade’s bluntness.

Foreboding settled in Sakura’s veins as she walked. She had no idea what Kakashi wanted, or why he summoned her. It had been over a week since she’d seen him. When Sakura rounded the corner of the hallway, Raido straightened to attention. Dark eyes settled on Sakura’s face, and something unreadable passed over the man’s features. When he inclined his head in greeting, Sakura’s heart skipped a beat, but only a blank space predominated the wall where Genma should have stood. She could almost picture the man slouched beside Raido, a senbon slanting across smirked lips.

Without waiting for Sakura to speak, Raido rapped on the heavy wooden panel behind him. Sakura wanted to say something, to offer some balm or banter that might make the situation seem less daunting, but she couldn’t think of anything. As she watched him peek in to speak with Kakashi, Sakura wondered if she imagined the coldness that she felt from the guard. Did Raido hate her over the way that things had worked out with Genma? Did he blame her? She didn’t have the energy to ponder the question as he opened the door and gestured her inside.

Sakura stepped into the office and dropped into a deep bow, eyes on the floor. “You summoned me, Hokage-sama?”

A deep sigh issued from Kakashi’s side of the desk as the door clicked shut. “It wasn’t a summons,” he clarified with huff. “It was a request.”

“Of course,” Sakura answered. “Whatever you say, Hokage-sama.”

The petulance in Sakura’s tone irritated her, but she wasn’t sure how to change it. In fact, she wasn’t certain that she wanted to change it. She wasn’t angry at Kakashi, but something dangerous swelled in her chest whenever she was around him. It wasn’t the need for recognition that she’d felt before she’d taken the mission all those months ago. It was something else, something that Sakura didn’t try to temper. Kakashi was strong enough to take it.

After several heartbeats of silence, Sakura lifted her gaze to Kakashi. The man studied her over his steepled fingers from behind the desk. Unruly silver hair fell into Kakashi’s dark eyes, partially obscuring the fact that they were shadowed by exhaustion. Even though Sakura couldn’t see it, she knew that Kakashi’s lips were pinched into a frown.

Sighing, Kakashi exhaled Sakura’s name with a gentleness that she didn’t deserve. “I hate that title, and you know it.”. When she didn’t answer, Kakashi nodded toward the chair across from him. “Why don’t you have a seat?”

“Am I in trouble?” Sakura remained where she stood, vaguely aware of her voice rising an octave. “Is this another one of those ‘sorry, but I’m stripping you of your position for conduct unbecoming of a shinobi’ lectures?”

Lines appeared on Kakashi’s brow as he sorted through the words for an infuriating moment. Sakura’s anger rose like bile in her throat, a fine tremble working through her body. Then, understanding softened Kakashi’s gaze. “Is that what Tsunade did?”

“As if you didn’t know,” Sakura shot back, some of her fury bleeding out at the easiest target. “I’m sure she asked your opinion, or at least filled you in on the pertinent information after the fact.

Kakashi gestured toward the chair once more, then lowered his palms to the desk. "Tsunade and I haven’t spoken about her reasons for removing you from the hospital, whether disciplinary or otherwise.” Kakashi gave a convincing shake of his head, then shrugged. “But, you earned the rank of jonin by consensus of your peers. Nobody can take that away from you.”

Only partially satisfied with the answer, Sakura scoffed and threw herself into the chair. “Iwashi said you wanted to see me?”

“I wanted to ask a favor, actually.” The unexpected request released some of Sakura’s annoyance. His tone turned more careful, as if he was trying to untangle a nasty knot that he couldn’t get started. Sakura didn’t offer the courtesy of asking the man to continue; she remained stubbornly silent. Kakashi continued after a few seconds. “I’m not sure if you’re aware of it or not, but there was a diplomatic incident in Suna recently.”

Sakura snorted and rolled her eyes. “I mean, you sent Genma as an envoy. What did you expect?”

“This has nothing to do with him,” Kakashi answered, voice sharp as a shuriken edge. He blew air between his lips and moderated his tone. “I sent Shikamaru to an extended peace summit in Suna as Konoha’s representative to smooth things over.”

Sakura considered Kakashi’s meaning, keeping her face impassive. It would have been just as easy for Kakashi to go to the peace talks himself. Doing so would have afforded him the chance to get away from the chaos of the village and the self destruction that Sakura had become. Why hadn’t he taken it? As Sakura worked through the angles, the man continued. “Unfortunately, administration isn’t my strong suit. I’m in over my head here.”

Frowning, Sakura tried to make the words connect in a meaningful way, but she couldn’t. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at here,” she admitted.

“I was hoping that you’d be willing to temporarily fill his position.” The timbre of Kakashi’s voice changed, taking on an almost breathy, nervous quality that Sakura had never heard before. “It would only be for a couple of months at the most, just until Shikamaru returns.”

Even though Sakura heard the offer, it didn’t make sense. It was as if Kakashi was speaking a foreign language, and she was the only person in the room that didn’t understand. Mistaking her silence for refusal, Kakashi rushed to fill the space. “After all the work you did with Tsunade, you have a great deal of experience in running the Hokage’s office. And, I thought it might give you a chance to clear your head and focus on something besides,” Kakashi’s voice faltered and recovered almost in the same breath. “Well, you know, everything else.”

A chance to focus on something besides being pregnant with Genma’s baby, something besides being fired from the hospital, and something besides my world falling apart. Sakura’s subconscious supplied the words that Kakashi had been too kind to say, and she felt a wash of gratitude that he hadn’t addressed it directly. She wasn’t ready to deal with that mess, and the memory of Kakashi’s bruised knuckles made her think that he wasn’t either.

When Sakura opened her mouth to respond, Kakashi spoke over her. “I won’t pretend to know what’s going on in your personal life, but you don’t have to worry about running into Genma here. He’s been reassigned.”

“Reassigned?” Sakura’s brow furrowed. So, that was why he hadn’t been standing guard beside Raido, and why Iwashi had been sent to summon her. Annoyance flashed through her as the pieces clicked into place. “He was reassigned because of me?”

Kakashi scrubbed a hand through the hair at the back of his neck in a show of frustration. “He was reassigned because that’s what is best for everyone right now.”

The slow boil of annoyance shifted toward anger in Sakura’s stomach. “Genma’s entire life has been spent in the Hokage Guard Platoon with Iwashi and Raido, how can this be for the best?”

Razor sharp laughter burst through Kakashi’s lips. “Oh, so, you’re an expert on him now? All because you slept with him once? You’re just one—”

“One conquest in his string of hundreds?” Sakura spat the words, rising from her chair so quickly that the room spun. She blinked through the dizziness, barely registering the placating gesture that Kakashi made. Fury burned her lips. “I’m just another stupid girl that fell for pretty eyes and even prettier lies?”

“That isn’t what I meant,” Kakashi interrupted, rising and moving around the desk faster than Sakura thought possible.

The pinkette jerked away before Kakashi’s fingers could capture her hand. “It’s what you said.”

Kakashi didn’t reach for Sakura a second time. When he saw her reaction, he raised both hands with palms toward her, then carded his fingers through his hair. The way the spikes stood up like a hedgehog would have been comical under any other circumstances. Kakashi exhaled and regained control of his tone. “If that’s how it sounded, then I worded it poorly.”

“Right,” Sakura snorted in disbelief and turned away. When Kakashi started to speak, she waved him off and shook her head. “It’s fine; I’m sure you’re right. You know him better than I do, and everyone has been saying the same things. You can’t all be wrong. In fact, I think—”

“Are you in love with him?” Kakashi’s question halted the flood of words from Sakura’s mouth. She spun back to face him, shocked that he’d asked the question so bluntly instead of beating around the bush as he so often did.

When Sakura opened her mouth to respond, there were no words inside. She snapped her teeth back together and stared at Kakashi as if he was a foreign animal that might be dangerous. He half sat on the edge of his desk, arms crossed over his chest like it provided another layer of armor over what he already wore. Dark eyes focused on hers, holding her gaze as if to read some secret there that she wanted to hide. Maybe, he could.

After a couple of heartbeats, Kakashi pushed away from the edge and closed the space between them. Unable to stop herself, Sakura glanced up at him through her lashes, surprised to see something like pain in his eyes. “I watched Sasuke break your heart, once. Don’t ask me to let Genma do the same.”

The growled words left Sakura stunned, even more so than the question about whether or not she loved Genma. Pity smothered her growing anger, but Sakura couldn’t go down that path. Shaking her head, she pulled back. “I never asked you to do anything.”

Kakashi chuckled without a trace of humor and brought his hand up like he might cradle Sakura’s cheek. It fell back to his side without making contact. “You never had to ask, you mean.”

Sakura tipped her head to the side, studying the man’s expression with open curiosity and confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I have alwaysdone what I thought was best for you, even when you couldn’t see it. When you wanted to chase Sasuke, I let you go. When you wanted to take the twice damned mission that led to this mess, I didn’t stop you. When you needed to confront Genma, I recalled him to the village.” Kakashi ticked off the points on his fingers, shoulders tensing with each scenario that he threw out. Sakura stared at him, mouth falling open in shock.

With a heavy sigh, Kakashi turned away and stared out the windows behind his desk. Sakura knew he did it to put distance between them, and she let him go. She wasn’t sure that she could have moved, even if she wanted to. When Kakashi continued, his voice was soft. “A relationship with Genma is a mistake. Don’t ask me to watch you do that without saying something. I’ve stood aside for too many things already.”

“I don’t need you to protect me.” Even as the words left Sakura’s mouth, she tasted the bitter tang of a lie. Kakashi had been one of the first people that she’d revealed her pregnancy to, second only to Tsunade. She’d run to him, interrupting what was probably an important meeting with Yamato, and Kakashi had let her sob it out like a silly, frightened girl. He must have thought her a fool for falling into Genma’s arms.

Sakura had never talked to Kakashi about what happened on that mission. She’d never admitted that in her poisoned, exhausted state she thought that it had been himwho pulled her out of that situation. Sakura had never revealed the ache at realizing Kakashi had sent Genma in his stead. She sighed, pushing those memories deeper. “I never asked for your protection.”

A sad smile crossed Kakashi’s lips, visible even through the mask. “No, but you’ve had it all the same.”

“Kakashi—” A knock at the door interrupted Sakura’s response, which was just as well because she had no idea what to say.

At Kakashi’s call, Raido popped his head into the office. “Sorry to interrupt, Hokage-sama, Haruno-san,” the man bowed with his upper body, not fully entering. “You wanted me to remind you of your meeting with the elders this afternoon.”

Kakashi glanced at the clock above the door and nodded. “Yes, thank you, Raido.”

As the door shut the world away from them for a second time, a change came over Kakashi. Sakura hadn’t realized how much he’d lowered his walls until he put them back in place. Kakashi walked back to the opposite side of his desk and rifled through the papers for a moment. When his gaze returned to Sakura, his eyes were no longer soft and open, but flint hard and focused. “Duty calls, I’m afraid.”

Sakura started to say Kakashi’s name, but he waved it away. “Think about what I said. The job is yours if you want it, and it would really help me out if you accepted.”

A million questions rose and died on the tip of Sakura’s tongue. A lot of things had been said or hinted at, but she didn’t think that anything had changed. Kakashi offered a tight eye smile as he lifted the robes of the office from their hook on the wall. Sakura watched the white fabric transform Kakashi into a stranger. When he reached for the hat, the dismissal was obvious, but Sakura’s feet were rooted in place.

One hand reached toward Kakashi, and to Sakura’s shock, he captured it with his. The rough warmth of his glove made her heart skip a beat, as did the light brush of his fingertips. Kakashi squeezed, then released her fingers. “Let me know when you’ve made a decision, but you can take as much time as you need to figure things out.”

Sakura nodded numbly, following Kakashi to the door. He paused, hand lifted toward the handle like he might add something else. Then, he shook his head and opened the door for her. “After you.”

—————————————————————

After leaving the Hokage’s office, Sakura wandered through the village and tried to organize her chaotic thoughts. She felt out of place among the familiar scenery. Normally, Sakurawould have been at the hospital during this time of day, filling out reports or seeing patients. She knew that Tsunade would eventually reinstate her, but it could be a while. Six months ago, she would have killed for some time off to do all the things she never felt she could accomplish. Now, Sakura found herself bored and restless.

As Sakura walked, she considered Kakashi’s offer. Overseeing administration for the Hokage’s office should be easy enough. She’d helped Tsunade and Shizune do it for years, so she was familiar with most of the systems. Besides that, Sakura and Kakashi had worked as teammates frequently over the years. There would probably be some hiccups, but they had a foundation to build on, at least. And, it wasn’t like Sakura would have to give up her career at the hospital; Shikamaru would be back in a few months.

Before Tsunade’s dismissal, Sakura had assumed that she would work until the baby came, or at least until close to time. She had approximately five months of nothingness looming ahead of her. While she knew there could be a lot of complications, they were most likely to happen at the end of the pregnancy. In fact, Sakura should be entering the best part of it according to all the books she’d read. She couldn’t imagine spending that time sequestered at home.

Accepting Kakashi’s offer would give Sakura a job until Tsunade decided to let her come back to the hospital. Plus, Shikamaru would be thankful for her intervention. Sakura couldn’t imagine the mess that Kakashi would leave if he didn’t have an assistant. She pictured mountains of paperwork piling up while he leaned back reading Icha, Icha. Sometimes, Sakura wondered if Kakashi was quite as lazy as he pretended to be, like Shikamaru, or if he was more dedicated than he let on. She suspected the latter.

The thought of Kakashi left an open, aching place inside Sakura’s chest, but she wasn’t sure what to make of it. He’d said a lot of things during their meeting that she didn’t have an answer for, things that she wasn’t entirely sure that she’d heard correctly. It was natural for Kakashi to worry about her dating Genma. Tsunade, Shizune, and Ino had all tried to warn Sakura about the man. It almost made him more attractive, though it was hard to imagine that being possible.

So, Genma’s fight with Kakashi was about you? Ino’s words swam through the confusion in Sakura’s mind. Even though she’d noticed the bruises on Kakashi’s knuckles and the blood on Genma’s lip, she hadn’t connected the two. It had seemed innocuous at the time, two entirely unrelated things. Both men were shinobi; injuries happened all the time. But now, Sakura couldn’t help but wonder. Had Kakashi punched Genma? And if so, why? Had it been protectiveness, anger, jealousy, or something else entirely?

Sakura almost laughed at the idea of Kakashi being jealous over her relationship, or lack thereof, with Genma. He’d never acted that way over Sasuke, and that had been a hell of a lot closer to dating than this mess. When you wanted to chase Sasuke, I let you go. Sakura sighed. Sasuke was another complication that she neither needed nor wanted. He hadn’t once checked on her after the disaster mission. He’d been in the Land of Iron and stayed there for months; Sasuke was a problem for another day.

Frustrated, Sakura rose from the bench where she’d stopped to think and began moving through the village as if she could outrun her thoughts. Stretching her legs felt good, at least. Sakura had spent too many days sitting on the couch feeling sorry for herself. Exercise would be good for her and the baby. She walked to Ichiraku and ordered a small bowl of ramen. The rich, complex flavors stilled the quiet grumble that had been growing in her belly. Sakura wondered if the baby would like ramen as much as she did, then shuddered and hoped it didn’t like it as much as Naruto.

Chuckling to herself, Sakura finished her lunch and walked to the market to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. She had lectured enough expectant mothers at the clinic to know how important it was to provide the right kinds of nutrients for her unborn child. It seemed hypocritical to fill up on takeout most nights, though that was certainly easier. After buying two bags worth of leafy greens and bright berries, Sakura resumed her meandering walk through Konoha.

Sakura felt good to be moving again, to be doing something for herself. Ever since finding out that she was pregnant, she’d been stuck in limbo. She wasn’t depressed, but she definitely hadn’t felt like herself either. Today was the first step in getting back to enjoying life again instead of hiding from it. On a whim, Sakura decided to stop by the bookstore and pick up a copy of the latest romance that Ino had been gushing about. While Sakura enjoyed reading, there hadn’t been much space for it in her schedule. Now, she had an infinite expanse spreading before her, and nothing to fill it with.

Just outside the shop, a familiar chuckle pulled Sakura’s eyes away from the glossy covers in the window. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she turned toward the sound. She had gone almost as far as the gates leading out of the village on her walk. Just around the corner was the stand where every person was required to check in or out of the village. Monitoring the incoming and outgoing traffic was just one of the ways that shinobi kept the village safe. There were always two or three chunin manning the station, except today Genma was there as well.

The tokujo sat on the edge of the long table with one leg tucked under him and the other stretched out. Sakura had caught Genma in the middle of telling a story; he gestured wildly with his hands, spreading them apart like an explosion. Izumo and Kotetsu, the two men usually responsible for gate duty, howled with laughter. A more sultry sound came from a woman that Sakura didn’t recognize. But, she recognized the way the stranger’s body turned toward Genma as her hand rested almost on his thigh.

Sick jealousy flooded through Sakura as she watched the pair. Genma shifted, and his senbon caught a glint of sunlight when he adjusted it. Sakura’s heart did an uncomfortable flutter that she blamed on heartburn rather than the memory of those lips on hers not that long ago.

“Every word is true.” Genma grinned, finishing his story with a flourishing bow.

Izumo’s whole body rolled with his eyes. “There is no way that happened. I don’t even think it’s humanly possible.”

“Well,” the woman interrupted, gazing up at Genma through her lashes. “I think it sounds very gallant of you.”

Genma rubbed the back of his neck and had the audacity to look sheepish at the compliment. “Nah, anyone would have done it.”

Pain pricked Sakura’s palms, and she realized that her nails had bitten into the skin. Exhaling, she shook her head. It was none of her concern who Genma decided to flirt with. They’d never been a relationship, just a series of questionable decisions. Now, they were working through the consequences of that, nothing more. He had every right to move on and talk to other people. She wished him all the best, even if the woman clearly was trying too hard.

Probably desperate for attention, Sakura decided, eyeing the pair once more. The woman had moved closer, body fully turned toward Genma in a way that practically begged for his eyes to touch her. But, his gaze was focusing on something over the woman’s head. Sakura flushed and ducked into the crowd. She’d lingered too long and potentially let herself get caught watching Genma. It wasn’t as if she’d expected to find him working gate duty; it had just happened that way.

As Sakura dodged into the press of people just finishing their work day, she thought someone might have called her name. She didn’t turn around. Everyone was right about one thing, she needed more stability in her life and less of—whatever that was.

Sakura accepted the job with Kakashi the following morning.

—————————–

Sakura’s first week as assistant to the Hokage was a lot tougher than she’d expected it to be. Shikamaru had developed a filing system that was different from the one that Shizune used, so she spent the first two days trying to find everything. On the third morning, Kakashi surprised Sakura by having a small desk moved into the corner of his office so that they could work without Sakura running back and forth between rooms constantly. Whenever he was busy with private meetings, Sakura retreated to Shikamaru’s office to file whatever they’d managed to complete.

As Sakura feared, the prodigious backlog of paperwork grew with every passing hour. Undaunted by the piles, Sakura threw herself into the controlled chaos of administrative work. She organized each request from most important to least, then delegated whatever jobs she could. Kakashi’s time was a limited resource to be used for the best of the village, not spent on everything from the hospital budget to reviewing gate taxes. There were things that other people could take care of, and she quickly set anyone straight who thought otherwise.

When Sakura walked down the hallway to meet Kakashi on the first morning, Raido watched her with open confusion. The surprise in the man’s eyes had only grown when Kakashi called both he and Iwashi into the office to explain the new arrangement. Sakura had stood behind Kakashi’s shoulder, trying to hide her flush of embarrassment. She knew it sounded like a friend pulling a favor, but there was nothing she could do about that. Iwashi had appeared disinterested, but she read the calculation in Raido’s eyes.

Sakura wondered if Kakashi had taken into account the fact that Genma and Raido were best friends. Would the man tell Genma about her new job, or did they avoid talking about her? Had they ever discussed her? Maybe Genma had moved on with the girl from the gate. But, if so, why was Raido looking at her that way? A small, cowardly part of Sakura hoped that the man would tell Genma about her job so she didn’t have to. Another part wanted to tell him herself to judge his reaction.

Genma had been hurt when Sakura told Kakashi about the pregnancy before him. Nevermind the fact that he was half the world away in Suna on a mission that herequested. The pain had been unintentional on her part; at the time, Sakura hadn’t decided if she planned to go through with it. Even worse, she’d injured his pride before that. In her poison induced haze, Sakura called Genma by Kakashi’s name, thinking that he’d been then one to save her. The pair had never discussed it, but she knew the slight had buried itself beneath Genma’s skin like a splinter he couldn’t pick out.

While the idea of Kakashi being jealous over Genma sounded absurd, Genma falling victim to such a base emotion made more sense. Sakura wondered if Raido would carry rumors back to his friend about her and Kakashi. Would he read things into what Sakura wore, or how many times they worked late? Would he question what happened behind closed doors? Sakura could only assume that a man who had been part of the Hokage’s guard platoon for so long would have some sense of decorum and privacy. But, would that extend to his best friend?

The truth was, if Sakura wanted to pursue a relationship with Genma, she should stay away from Kakashi. Whether or not the two men had fought over her wasn’t important. Sakura knew that Genma was jealous of her friendship with Kakashi. But, she wasn’t sure that she wanted more with Genma. And, even if she did, she had bills to pay and a life to live.

Over the years, Sakura had saved some money that she’d made on missions. But, with an apartment to pay for and a baby on the way, she needed to look toward the future. A couple months of work would let her put food on the table and keep the lights on while saving for her child’s future. She had no real reason to refuse Kakashi’s request, even if it felt a bit like betrayal.

With that in mind, Sakura threw herself into her work and didn’t look back. She could handle Raido’s cool, calculated stares from time to time. And, true to Kakashi’s word, Sakura hadn’t run into Genma since starting. While the Hokage was technically always on call for the village, his office followed regular eight to five business hours, which was less demanding than the twelve hours days that Sakura was used to. Though, she worked more of them to make up for that.

By the end of the first week, Sakura had combed through the majority of the paperwork that threatened to overwhelm Kakashi’s desk and organized it into more manageable piles on hers. They’d cleared out the handful of urgent tasks and started tackling lesser difficulties. Sakura found herself engrossed in an outline of the new teaching protocol being introduced at the academy. It had shifted from 'an immediate need of soldiers’ approach to one that nurtured the strength and intelligence of the individual shinobi. Sakura wondered if Naruto would have—

Kakashi cleared his throat, interrupting Sakura’s thoughts. “It’s getting late.”

Glancing up from the paper, Sakura frowned at the darkness that had gathered outside the wall of windows behind Kakashi’s desk. Dusk threw the room into a state of half gloom that the lamps fought to contain in the corners. Sakura blinked and rubbed her eyes, surprised. “So it is.”

With a soft chuckle, Kakashi shook his head. “You do know that you aren’t supposed to be working harder than I am, right?”

Sakura laid the report aside and shifted to pop the bones in her back. She ached from sitting in one position for too long. “I don’t think that’s right. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I’m supposed to work harder so that you aren’t swamped by things that other people can take care of.”

Eyes creasing into a smile, Kakashi laughed. “Or, you’re trying to make me look bad so that they’ll name you Hokage instead.”

“As if you could ever look bad,” Sakura teased, picking up the outline and smoothing the pages across her desk. She liked the proposal and what they were trying to do, but she needed to read it more in depth to be sure. That would be a problem for another day, though. “I’m just trying to get you in shape before Shikamaru gets back so he’ll owe me a favor.”

Humming noncommittally, Kakashi reached for a book with the familiar, battered orange cover on the corner of his desk. “You know, Shikamaru lets me read for an hour or two a day. I mean, I tried to sneak it in, but he pretended not to notice whenever he caught me.”

“Yes, well, I’m not Shikmaru,” Sakura observed as she picked up several reports that needed to be finalized. Carrying them to Kakashi’s desk, she spread the pages across the polished wooden surface, then trailed her finger over multiple lines. “I need your signature here, here, and here.”

Kakashi reached for his pen as Sakura was pointing out the last place, and his fingertips brushed the back of her hand. She pulled back, dragging one of the pages along with her palm. The paper fluttered to the ground between them in slow motion. Blushing, Sakura knelt to pick it up. “Sorry.”

“No harm done,” Kakashi answered, scratching a spidery scrawl across the first two pages. Sakura laid the third report on the desk, and Kakashi’s eyes flicked up to hers. There was something in them that hadn’t been there before, and he held her gaze a heartbeat before speaking, voice lower and deeper than normal. “And, I know you’re not Shikamaru. The differences are hard to miss.”

Don’t do it, the rational part of Sakura’s mind begged even as her voice asked the question. “What differences?”

“Your hair for starters,” Kakashi answered, tipping his head to study Sakura’s face. For a moment, she thought that Kakashi might raise a hand to brush the tresses away from her cheek, but he didn’t. Warmth crawled up her neck anyway. “It’s much pinker than his.”

The nervous knot inside of Sakura’s chest loosened as she laughed. “You’re a little shorter too,” Kakashi added, studying Sakura with mock intensity. His gaze traveled from head to toe, then back again. “Also, your eyes are a much brighter shade of green.”

Snorting, Sakura shook her head at the silliness that had stolen the moment. “I suppose that’s true. You know, since his eyes are brown.”

“Are they?” Kakashi’s gaze never left Sakura’s, and she found it hard to breathe under the weight of his scrutiny. “I’d never noticed.”

But, you’ve noticed mine. Sakura didn’t realize that she’d spoken the words aloud until the soft, amused sound of Kakashi’s chuckle died. Pink rushed into his cheeks, infinitely more noticeable by their close proximity, and he blew out a breath. “Your eyes have always been striking.”

Unsure what to do with the compliment, Sakura blushed more deeply. “Thank you.”

The tension stretched for a moment, amplifying the blood rushing through Sakura’s ears, then Kakashi turned away. He glanced toward the clock above the door and startled. “You should have left an hour ago,” he chided, voice light. “We can finish the rest of this on Monday.”

“I don’t have anywhere to be if you want to keep working on it.” Sakura gathered up the reports that Kakashi had signed and straightened the pages. “We could order takeout, then knock out most of that stack in an hour or two?”

The offer hung in the air as Kakashi studied the papers in question. When his gaze returned to Sakura’s, he shook his head. “It’s been a long week already, and you need your rest. Monday is soon enough for what’s left.”

Sakura started to argue, but the look on Kakashi’s face stopped her. It was a mixture of pleading and pain that she couldn’t grasp. The man’s features smoothed to shinobi emptiness as soon as he caught her looking. “Go on,” Kakashi motioned toward the door, “enjoy your weekend.”

Humming under her breath, Sakura placed the paperwork in her outbox and flicked her lamp off. Shadows surged forward, shrinking the light to a pool of gold around Kakashi’s desk. She tucked her water bottle under one arm and grabbed her bag from the floor. When Sakura turned, Kakashi hadn’t moved. A frown slid onto her face. “What are you doing? Aren’t you coming?”

Kakashi shook his head a second time, eyes unreadable in the gloom. “Not yet. I need to finish a couple of things. You go ahead without me. I’ll see you next week. Goodnight, Sakura.”

Toying with the strap of her bag, Sakura considered the words, then nodded. If Kakashi had wanted her help, he would have asked for it. “Goodnight,” she returned, moving toward the door without looking back.

Sakura didn’t see Kakashi’s gaze linger on the place where she’d stood beside him, or hear the heavy sigh when the man dropped his head into his hands.