#very sad today

It’s not a positive thing that I’m doing. Looking at everything I hate. There’s a lot I like sure but I always only see the things I don’t like. I sit there and wish things were different and that I was different and that I was happy and the whole time I’m staring right into the eyes of the person who I dislike more than probably anyone else, though I try my hardest to love her. Some days I will have myself convinced that I am this great person and I try my hardest to treat everyone with love and respect and then I wake up one morning and I am the biggest piece of shit I have ever fucking met and I just wish I could step away from myself and give myself some space to be blank and take a break from feeling everything so fucking intensely I might explode.