FOOD FOR THOUGHTS: THE VIRGINITY THING

There is this pressure placed on young women to remain virgin until they marry or find ‘’the  one’’, but why is that? If virginity is so sacred, why is it not a requirement for boys? That got me wondering…

Here are 3 discourses used to keep women from having sex:

1.The religious discourse: To keep women from having sex, society uses religion shaming, telling girls that‘’God’’ will punish them or reject them if they have sex before marriage. In other words, there is so much emphasis placed on a woman’s body that religion leads her to believe that it’s the only value she has before God…The irony is, ‘’God’’ doesn’t seem to care if young men have sex…according to religion. How can we explain that? Double standard much?

2.The romantic discourse: People often tell young women they will regret it if they do it too soon, they need to wait for ‘’The One’’, they will NEVER GET THEIR VIRGINITY BACK, so they need to make sure they give it to the ‘’right guy’’, they will inevitably fall in love with the sexual partner, so they need to choose ‘’The One’’.

The real issue at play here is that a  young woman is pressured into waiting for a man to allow her to experience her own sexuality. Her sexuality does not happen on her own terms, it is on religion’s terms, on society’s terms, on ‘’The One’s’’ terms. Her body doesn’t belong to her as it is considered a gift to be given to’’the one’’. This is disempowering woman, keeping them in shame, unrealistic expectations and fear. There is so much emphasis placed on the first time, as if after that ‘’sacred’’ first time, a woman has nothing to offer, she becomes used, unpure, etc. But the truth is, sex can be meaningful and romantic at any time. Just because it wasn’t your first time doesn’t mean you have failed your significant other.

3. The pain discourse: Then there is the whole discourse about terrible pain, disgusting bleeding, everything to describe the first time as an almost violent event. The thing is, sex won’t hurt that much if you use lube, and take your time. It must be done properly but no, not everyone ends up bleeding, in pain, and hopelessly in love with the sexual partner. These are just lies to keep girls from having sex through fear and shame.

All those lies about virginity that are fed to women and girls all over the world are not here to help them make the right decision, despite the appearances. It’s not about protecting ang cherishing women. It’s a matter of controle. It’s exclusively about controle of the woman’s sexuality, of the her body,of the way she perceives herselves, controle over her actions. Do not be fooled.

Live your sexuality on your own terms, it’s your body, it’s your life. You can choose to wait or not, but it has to be a decision you are happy with.  So listen to yourself and your needs, use protection and birth control, talk to a health specialist for information or talk to a counsellor, and ask trusted ones for advice, but do not believe the 3 shaming discourses.

The same people that label a sexually active girl as a  slut, are the same people that will label as a  virgin prude or frigid.  Having sex doesn’t make you a good or a bad person. It doesn’t make you superior or inferior to other girls, it doesn’t change your worth.

Sex is a normal part of life so protect yourself and your freedom

Authorblackgirlslovely