ffxivwrite 2021 - #13 Oneirophrenia

((cw: implied torture, death))

An Imperial prison - Ala Mhigo, 1561 6AE

If she wanted, she could let go.

The realization shocked a flare of fear that ripped in a tingling sweep beneath her skin, but as the surge prickled away it melted into a warmth that bubbled up Ojene’s throat and spilled out into rasping laughter that floated unnaturally through her ears.

How oddly the Garlean watching over her must be looking at her now. As the laughter died the sense of it remained, floating balloon-like through her mind, and she imagined the stupid look on the guard’s dumb face. She couldn’t see it after all. Her eyes had lost the ability to focus some time ago on the endless ocean she floated upon, arms spread wide as every lap of the waves against her face throbbed with the pain that cushioned her back. Devoured her in its embrace, til there was nothing left but the distant awareness of it somewhere far below.

Blearily she blinked, struggling her eyes wider, for whenever she dared to let them close for longer than a split-second he stepped forward knife raised. What was another cut to join the others, their crosshatch pattern coating her like a second shirt as they seeped into the tattered rags she wore. Yet every time he did she felt the scream ravage her throat, her closely trained stoicism long since collapsed.

But this time the Imperials had taken it too far. The balloon of laughter sublimated into a haze of revolving glee that slipped through her awareness like an eel. They’d told her she’d never be free again, but ah! She could barely feel the stone floor beneath her, the everlasting weight of the manacles on her wrists featherlight as if the chains themselves fell away. With each thud of her heart the pain surged, then faded, each wave growing dimmer like the receding of a tide. It could take her with it, and then it would be done. Slipped away beneath their noses, if only she could keep her eyes open long enough to maintain the ruse.

Head lolling sideways, she flexed her fingers faintly with her pulse. It wouldn’t be long.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she murmured.

She wasn’t sure she made a sound, but it made no difference. A sensation pushed against her chest like the firm press of a thumb, the creeping vice of disapproval.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” she said. “The Garleans, they take everything, even you.”

The vice’s crank turned as the pressure grew, and she saw his eyes, sharp and grey upon her.

“Stop looking at me like that. Just let me go… we’ll see each other again when you’re dead. It’s the best way.”

In the pit of her senses- or what was left of them- she felt as much as heard his low rumble of dissent, like a distant peal of thunder vibrating the stone beneath her fingertips. Get up, Ojene.

“No,” she groaned. “Don’t make me do this again. I can’t.”

You can. You must.

“Why?” she demanded, and suddenly through the fading haze a spike of anger shot through, hot and sizzling.

You know why.

“Don’t you think I’m trying to come back to you?”

You’re not. You’re trying to die.

“Well, that’s the bloody fucking point!” Ojene snapped, and suddenly she wasn’t floating upon the ocean anymore but standing upright, somewhere, in some seamless fog as her clenched hands raged at her sides.

You’re not allowed, his voice admonished, but even as it did it melted into something softer. Gentler, as if it molded into a soft caress that breathed against her jaw. Come back to me- whole.

“I…” she started, but it was too late. A tether looped around her waist and with a faint tugging sensation she spilled forth.

Rapidly her eyes fluttered, and as the world rose back into blinking awareness a shape loomed over her. A hiss slipped into her ears, and as Ojene squinted hard the Garlean guard blurred into focus- as did the blade in his hand. But he frowned down at her, unmoving, and as a deep breath cascaded unwillingly into her lungs so did the surge of pain as it blanketed her entire torso.

Her hands tightened and the manacles rattled, the tips of her fingers numb.

“Fuck you,” Ojene spat aloud, and she passed out.

((@sea-wolf-coast-to-coast))