#writing children
How to write kids, if you don’t remember being one or haven’t lived with any
1.Kids never feel as small as you see them. A three year old thinks a one year old is a baby and a six year old is grown up. A six year old thinks a three year old is a baby and a twelve year old is an adult. Age is about perspective. One year is a huge age difference to a little kid.
2.Little kids might not be conscious of their physical limitations, but they can still be frustrated by them. A seven year old might see an adult do something relatively simple, like draw a straight line or perfectly crack an egg, and try to do the same thing, only to be frustrated when it doesn’t work.
Imagine suddenly having an injury that makes a skill you use every day become difficult- you feel you should be able to do the thing, and you understand the thing should be easy for you, but it isn’t. It can be immensely frustrating to have a brain that grasps a concept that language or fine motor skills haven’t caught up to.
3.You know when you forget a word, and have to make something up on the fly to describe the word? That’s pretty much exactly what learning your first language is like.
You know what you intend, but you don’t have a way to express it, and it can move you to tears with frustration when everyone around you is suggesting the wrong thing, or seems completely certain they understand what you mean, and they don’t.
You don’t have a word for “Later”? You might try saying “next time”, or, “after”, or, “before tomorrow”.
This might result in saying, “Are we going to the park next time?”, “Are we going to the park before tomorrow?”, or, “Are we going to the park after?”, all of which can result in different answers.
4.Kids feel like adults are a different species. They don’t get why we do certain things, and they don’t understand why we don’t want to run around with them all the time.
If sitting still is boring, coffee tastes bitter, and long conversations only happen with weird-smelling strangers who talk to them like they’re stupid, then they truly will not understand why anyone would *want* to be left to have coffee with a friend without welcome distractions to make it bearable.
Aren’t you bored? You aren’t doing anything. How could you possibly be stimulated without any food or toys or music or anything? Why don’t you just leave? Do you *have* to be there, the way you had to go to work? Adults are weird.
5.Children have complex social relationships that are just as varied as yours.
A room full of third graders might look like indiscriminate chaos to an adult, but pick a well connected kid, and they’ll tell you that Megan is the fashion icon who can do hair really well, Thomas is the athlete, Gray gets mean when he has to share so nobody wants to play with him, Paisley can’t read and the boys make fun of her for it so don’t make her work in a group with Anthony, Dillon put a bug in their food once so they’ll never trust him again, and Matthew’s parents let him watch family guy so he says bad words and makes grown-up jokes that make other kids uncomfortable.
You don’t see this stuff because you aren’t inside the society. They are, and they do.
6.Time. Moves. So. Slow. Five minutes really does feel like half an hour. Sit still for five minutes? That’s like you sitting in a waiting room at the DMV for an hour. Wouldn’t you get annoyed and impatient? They haven’t learned to hide their irritation yet. That’s really the only difference.
7.“Reading in your head” requires understanding that you have a Voice, which people can hear, and Thoughts, which are audible only to yourself. This can be a difficult concept to grasp. If a kid is reading out loud, and you tell them to read quietly, there’s a good chance they’re going to whisper or mouth the words instead of going totally silent the way you might. Splitting the self into multiples like “Internal monologue VS public perception” or “What I look like VS how I think I look” is alien and bizarre. If a kid thinks they look like a Dragon and you laugh at them? Ouch. They might be mad for a while.
8.Repetitive chores make no sense when your awareness of time doesn’t extend beyond a week or so. Why should I wash my blankets? They don’t look dirty and I don’t smell anything bad. Blankets don’t get dirty unless you put dirt on them. If you put a blanket in a washer, you can’t use that blanket AT ALL the ENTIRE TIME it’s being cleaned. That might be an hour, but it will *feel* like a week. And you have to do that every two weeks?? That’s overkill. Why even bother?
9.Kids have opinions about adults. They will have a sense about whether an adult is “real-kind” or “fake-kind”. An adult who listens respectfully to what they have to say, asks thoughtful questions, and takes their concerns seriously? That’s a good adult. An adult that oversimplifies their struggles, ignores their complex social rules, and gives bullshit advice like “just walk away from bullies” and “turn your chores into a fun game”? That’s not a trustworthy adult. That’s an Adult™. An Adult™ doesn’t consider them to be a real human being with thoughts and emotions. An Adult™ sees them as an inferior, amusing pet. And they will actively sabotage An Adult™ like that.
10.Emotions are physical at a young age. Joy might make their body buzz until they can’t help but wiggle or jump around. Sadness might be a huge physical pain in their throat and heart. Everything they experience is still relatively.New to.them, so there is very little frame of reference to decide if this is a “big hurt that will last forever and ever and never go away”, or a “small hurt, that can be fixed easily and won’t matter in five minutes”. If someone lies to them about getting a cookie, that very well might be all the betrayal of your best friend sleeping with your husband.
Fortunately, a child probably won’t be able to burn all your clothes in the yard without your notice.
kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said “i like that name. did you know i’m in love with you”
i asked my four year old cousin how old he thought i was going to be at my next birthday and he said 8. im 23
once i told a 6 year old that i had finished school and was doing “more school” [university] and she asked “why haven’t you found anyone to marry then”
We were at a museum and I was asking for the student discount and my nine year old cousin looks up at me with his eyes wide and says “wait you’re a STUDENT??”
I used to babysit these three kids and the eldest who was around 11 at the time was talking about how adults are boring and when I told him I was an adult he said, “That’s not true, you’re my age”
our aunt teaches and she has this story about a little girl who really was always pretty quiet in class and then on the final day of kindergarten she just up and stated ‘i’m all teached now. i don’t need to be teached anymore. i’m done of being teached.’
once when i was 19, I told my little cousin that i was 19 and she looked up at me with huge eyes and went, “Does that mean you don’t have to bring an adult with you to the pool?”
My 6 year old cousin saw me driving for the first time, looked up at him mom and said “does that mean she is married now?”
I watched my dad and my niece (3 at the time) arguing over a pair of pants and whether or not they were also a dress. My neice’s argument was that they were, in fact, also a dress because they were blue.
I asked the kids in my daycare class what they thought I should be for Halloween and this little boy goes, “ooh I know! A pickle! You’d be such a good pickle”
On the first day of class with my favorite student of all time, I said, “Are you okay? You look like you have a question.” And she looked me right in the eyes and said, tremulously,
“Can a piranha eat a stapler?”
One time I was working with a kid and he looked up at me and asked “Do you have a boy?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I told him that I did not have any boys. He looked shocked and then deeply concerned and said “Well, you better hurry up and shave your arms so you can get married; August is next month!”
I was sitting on the floor with my 3yo niece and we were playing with her younger brother’s alphabet blocks and the O had an octopus on it. So I picked it up and asked her what it was.
“Octopus,” she said, all curls and smiles.
“And what kind of animal is an octopus?” I asked. I was looking for “fish” or “sea creature” but I would have accepted almost anything–”weird,” “gross,” even “slimy.” “Underwater” or “it lives in the ocean” would have also been acceptable.
She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam, “It’s a cephalopod.”
I haven’t been the same since.
