#xiao oneshot

。YOU ARE THE DISASTER I DESIRE

━━ PAIRING: xiao/reader

━━ GENRE: fluff

━━ SUMMARY: the stubborn reluctance to admit defeat leads some stories to end in bitter tragedies. thankfully, xiao was much too willing to give in against the nonexistent war your presence has brought.

━━ CONTAINS: modern!au, slightly vulgar language, one mildly suggestive scene

━━ VALENTINE’S 2022 EVENT SPECIAL

you’ll have more luck trying to find a needle in a ten-meter tall haystack than you’ll have when trying to decipher the inner workings of the human mind. there was just too much to consider — too much information and contradictions for our puny, little brains to comprehend. it’s nigh impossible and the only reason a big shot philosopher hasn’t screamed about it as they ran down the street, caffeinated and definitely insane, is because no one’s ready to admit that they don’t and will never know. still, if you want to be meaninglessly stubborn, taking a look into xiao’s brain is definitely a great place to start. he doesn’t really bother segregating information into ridiculously minuscule categories — just what he tolerates and what he does not. a simple mindset for a relatively simple man who liked to stay away from unnecessary baggage.

“crap man… it’s valentine’s day tomorrow. i don’t even know what to give my girlfriend…”

xiao sighed in disinterest, hoping that this person would speak softer for the sake of his peace of mind in this cramped train, “just buy her roses or chocolates like every other guy out there?”

“you know… this is exactly why no one likes you.”

he thought that it was better to zone out rather than be forced to listen to a conversation that was heading steeply into a conversation that he frankly couldn’t care less about. he tolerates most festivities and holidays because there was always a silver lining. valentine’s day, however? xiao wouldn’t go as far as saying as he despises it because that’s how little he thinks of the celebration.

it’s just a regular day turned into a breeding ground of opportunistic, capitalistic monsters. he’d hate to quote his horrible, narrow-minded teachers from his childhood but wasn’t love something that’s supposed to be shown every day and not just one day of the year? no matter how he looks at the situation, he just can’t see the point in buying overwhelmingly sweet treats or overpriced flowers that were sure to wilt the next day.

“listen… it’s the effort and the thought that counts! partners love the idea of special treatment. it makes them feel like they’re appreciated because there’s a day that’s dedicated just for them, you get me? no one stays for a lazy piece of shit who couldn’t be bothered to think of a special something to give…”

“…since when did you become a love guru? wasn’t your girlfriend just saying that she wants to break up—”

relief settled into his bones as people — including those high school students — poured out of the train. with more room to move, he stretched his legs out, pulling out the headphones he had in the process. xiao’s station was the last stop which was currently two stops away from where he was now. with everyone located in the other carts, there were only five other people seated around him, all of which are busy minding their own business with no intention of bothering him anytime soon. good. some peace and quiet… with that thought in mind, xiao’s eyes slowly fluttered close. a little nap couldn’t possibly hurt…

no one stays for a lazy piece of shit who couldn’t be bothered to think of a special something to give.

opening his eyes with a start, xiao cursed those burdensome kids and their equally burdensome words. he tried to pretend that the anxious feeling in his guts didn’t exist as he hurriedly shoved his headphones in his bag. seriously… why do unnecessary burdens keep on flying in his direction? biting back a groan, he stood up from his seat with what was without a doubt, his deepest frown of the day (a weighty comment seeing as he spent the entire day with a grumpily frowning).

he disliked valentine’s day a lot, he thought to himself as he stepped out of the train one station early, he was sure of it now.

.

.

.

sniffling out of habit, you tapped the send button on your phone for the sixteenth time in a row. xiao wasn’t one to send lovey-dovey texts first thing in the morning but he also wasn’t the type to leave you hanging. heck, he responds even when he doesn’t feel like talking to you after a fight! memories of that time only made you feel more uncomfortable so you settled on worrying your lips as you hailed a taxi. the logical angel on your shoulder tells you that you were probably thinking too deeply into the unlikely extremes but what can you say? you love the guy too much to be unbothered by his missing replies.

being apart from him without knowing what was happening was dreadful and the words ‘never again’ keep on etching themselves on your mind until all you could do was attempt to control your heart’s rhythm by looking at the blurred, discolored buildings outside the car. were cabs always this slow? it was running on sixty kilometers per hour, which in hindsight, was not necessarily slow when you consider the fact that you don’t usually move an inch until half an hour later when trapped in the usual morning rush. still, the antsy feeling that was making it hard to sit still remained and gnawed at your mind. perhaps it was the caffeine that was making you feel more nervous than necessary. whatever the case, you suddenly felt bad for taking the updates he usually sends for granted.

xiao might be a little rough on the edges but he was a sweetheart who just had a little more trouble when it came to expressing himself. he was someone who tells you that he’s at your favorite bakery as a silent cue for you to tell him what you want. he’s also someone who sends you random spotify qr codes when he’s feeling extra sweet so that you can listen to the same songs he was listening to. he’s different from other guys but you never once doubted his affections because every day, he reminds you that he does almost everything with you settled comfortably in the back of his mind.

thanking the cab driver for bearing with the way you were anxiously tapping your fingers on your knees for the past fifteen minutes, you rushed out of the car and into the three-story apartment building he was residing in for the time being. it’s stupid, really. you would’ve insisted that he move over to yours more if you knew that you’d run up three flights of stairs because of your wild hypothesis. maybe then you would worry more about who’s going to catch the roach in your bathroom instead of his entire safety and wellbeing.

“xiao?” you croaked out as you tried to regain your breathing. the small, wooden sign that read '304’ was barely hanging upright and the five consecutive knocks you did finally caused it to fall with a muffled thud, “xiao? are you home?”

no answer.

you knocked three more times — with more force this time and you wondered if you would have to keep standing here until your knuckles were all red and raw. to be honest, you would’ve left to try your luck elsewhere if it weren’t for your strangely precise gut feeling telling you that he’s somewhere in there. well, that and the fact that you could vaguely pick out the sound of clanking from beyond the door.

“shit!”

jumping in surprise, a panicked call slipped out of your lips as you heard xiao’s sharp curse. you were certain something was wrong now. bless him but xiao was more indifferent and passive-aggressive than resentful and feral — two things that you most certainly heard in what appeared to be a small burst of emotions. quite frankly, you have had enough of it. you knew that xiao, despite voicing out his dissatisfaction, began leaving a spare key somewhere after coming home to you sitting in the hallway pathetically because you forgot keys and wallet at home. you didn’t feel like walking for thirty minutes or so just to get home, you said, and the expression he wore in reply was still deeply ingrained in your memory: an exasperated and, it could’ve been just a trick of the light but you wanted to believe that there was endearment as well in his tired frown.

just as you remembered the foreign tenseness in his shoulders when he saw your slumped-over form, you found exactly what you needed. the key in question was small and silver-coated; particularly easy to miss behind the green, polka-dotted clay pot you gave as a gag gift to break the monotony of his place. fighting back your frown, you eyed the key on your hand. well… if things went south because of your invasion of privacy, you could always say that it was because he managed to snatch an extremely precious lover who worried a little too much over his seeming lack of concern about himself. right… surely, he won’t deny that much…

“xiao?” you called out softly, carefully taking a few steps forward as if the ground you were treading on was made of the most fragile glass in the world, “where are you?”

he still hadn’t replied but the unfamiliar metallic noises were much louder now that you’re inside. it didn’t look like he was in trouble as everything was exactly how you left it two days ago. one of your larger sweaters was draped over the couch, something you placed there on purpose because xiao had a horrible habit of choosing to suffer in the cold instead of moving out of his comfortable lounging position when he’s already so deep into scrolling through youtube videos. sighing, you crouched to pick up a notebook that had slipped out of his bag. it looks like he hasn’t tidied that up either when he got home yesterday.

it was all very unlike him and with a better sense of security now that you’re here, you find your concern transform into confusion. the xiao you knew wouldn’t stay inside the kitchen for long unless the world would cave in if he didn’t. with a small knock to announce your presence, you immediately find yourself stifling a laugh. the xiao you knew also wouldn’t be caught dead staring at you like a deer caught in headlights in the middle of what appears to be the remnants of a previously functional kitchen.

“what in the world…”

flinching at your not-question question, xiao immediately averts his gaze to the chocolate-covered floor, “why… why are you here?”

“am i not welcome?”

you didn’t mean to tease him but before you could stop yourself, the words were pouring out of your mouth. at your response, xiao sighs, running a flour-covered hand through his hair. an unknown feeling nibbled at some unfamiliar part of your brain as a strong urge to fix his hair in place became apparent. the flour had dusted his hair white and you realized that darker tones suited him better because it made his eyes pop out more; his eyes that were always firm and strong — always composed save for the times where it’s about you. his eyes that were always seeing through your white lies and hesitation; eyes that were also dim and tired and looking at everything but your inquisitive gaze.

“no, it’s not that…” he finally breaks his silence with another groan, “you weren’t supposed to be here yet.”

“hey, what’s wrong?”

xiao shifted his weight but nonetheless relented to your hold as you gently squeezed his forearms in encouragement, “i was… attempting to make a cake but i wasn’t aware that there are a lot of… ridiculous steps to it.”

“a cake? well, yeah… it’s a pretty tedious process at the start but what for?”

his frown grows deeper as he stared at you like you grew two heads in the span of the seconds he was not looking at you, “…you don’t know what day it is today?”

“what day?” you mirror his expression, “oh my god, did i forget your father’s birthday?”

“you’re hopeless… even i know what today is.”

cake… now that you thought about it, your instagram feed was oddly full of flowers and chocolate cakes… was it already february 14? time flies by fast but you don’t think xiao of all people would go out of his way to make you a cake on a holiday that’s not even a proper holiday. noticing the furrow in your brows, xiao sighs for the nth time. he had an inkling of what you were thinking about.

“i thought you’ll appreciate it if i did something everyone else is doing. i know that i’m not good at showing my emotions and all this romantic nonsense but i… i didn’t want you to think that i couldn’t be bothered to do things for you.”

of course, you knew that. if xiao was someone who genuinely didn’t try to make things work then you would’ve long walked out of the door with a relieved smile. the fact that you were here, face still warm from the way you rushed from your home to his just because you were afraid that something happened to him meant that you loved him. you loved him so much because he loved you just as much. you loved him because he’s always so willing to cross the boundaries he had set just to make you smile. the discomforting gloom that made his shoulders slouch almost imperceptibly made your eyes gloss over with gratitude. where else will you find a man who would go out of his way to do something for you even when it’s painfully obvious that he’s leagues away from his comfort zone? you’re doomed, you think as you took another step closer to him. he’s ruined everyone else for you and you’ve presented yourself as a willing sacrifice for this so-called demise.

“there’s no need,” you smile sweetly as you laid your forehead against his, “you’re fine as is. i love you even without the grandeur and cheesy lines.”

without warning, he felt the air getting stuck in his throat. there had to be something seriously wrong with him. it wasn’t normal to hear the way adrenaline rushes to every crevice of his body and it was definitely not normal to have his hands shake as you slowly cradled them in between yours. he feels weak and rather helpless as all he could do was wait with bated breathe as everything that comprised your being overwhelmed and filled the blank void of his mind. nothing but everything about you — your tender caress, your citrusy shampoo — you. wars were unpredictable but this was no war. you came and you conquered, leaving him no room to fight back. actually, perhaps it was better to say that he didn’t want to fight back. the sweet repeat of your voice was coaxing him to say 'i surrender — all of me, all of what i will be. have it all if you want’ and he’s way past being ready to admit that he’s nothing but a subservient subject of yours who’ll present everything in this world if you gave him your word.

feeling the courage dealt by the aftermath of his intimate realization, xiao takes your hands off to properly pull you into a hug. blinking in surprise, you stifled another chuckle as his nose brushed over a ticklish part of your neck. ah, he’s doomed, he thinks as his eyes fluttered to a close to better remember the way his heart flips over and over in delight at the sound of your laughter. what have you done to him that he’s become exactly like the person he thought he’ll never be? the scent of sugar and coffee clung to his beige sweater and it’s sweet and nice and incredibly familiar just like the warmth that seeped through your clothes as his hands pulled you closer to his thundering heart.

“wait… just a little bit more… don’t pull away just yet.”

you tried your best to pretend as if you weren’t affected— as if your heart wasn’t seconds away from breaking through your ribs. you tried but why did you bother? those amber eyes could demand the most hideous from you and you’ll comply like a doll so pliant you could only be said to be made for him. how can you say 'no’ when he pulls back just so you could see the way his eyes grow a shade deeper — when his fingers, a little calloused from work, tenderly touch your cheek as if you were made of porcelain? his touch moves lower— to your jaw— and you mutter all the prayers you can remember in your lovestruck haze, all so his lips would meet yours just a second faster.

“thank you for understanding,” he whispers and the rarity of his words was nothing compared to the rarity of haze and love hidden in his voice. you don’t trust your own to deliver — finding that you have long lost your ability to communicate in front of someone who was undeniably in love with you and all the worry lines you had because of him; because you’re always so caring and gentle when it comes to him that it makes him weep for his lost rationality.

you look after him so well that it almost makes him feel so bad for taking so much from you.

“happy valentine’s, xiao.”

but he also was not above welcoming his greed as he finally slots his lips between yours.

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